‹ Prequel: Shattering Crystals
Status: Active

Twisted Returns

as long as I can feel

It's hard to keep them locked in.

The memories, the thoughts. They are pounding against the barriers that I have set up to hold them in.

I sit there, hunched against the wall. I don't know what I'm waiting for. I can't tell how much time is passing while war rages on, both outside and inside my head.

I realize that I can't sit around forever. The soldiers in my head must be distracted. In this shelter, there is nothing to do. Not leave, surely. Although I know it would be best, I also know that I can't bring myself to do it. So where am I now?

I then remember the opaque hallway. It must be safe, as it's a part of the shelter. I force myself onto my feet and head into that room.

When I walk down that hallway, an intense wave of sorrow comes over me. I want to know why, so I can rid myself of this feeling. But that would mean delving into the prison that holds my memories. And that's even worse.

The hallway leads to just another room, free of windows. There's a shelf, a little desk, and what looks to be a mini fridge. On the desk is a book.

Something about this gives me the chills. I try not to think about it, adding to the list of forbidden thoughts.

I get closer to the desk and the book. I notice a shimmer on it. With further inspection I see the words Diana's Diary shining softly on the cover.

There must be so many secrets concealed under the silver cover. Secrets that I need to know but fear discovering. Reading would be remember. But there are somethings you need to know about yourself. Even if yourself feels like a different person.

I touch one fingertip to the cover and jump a little as the book opens by itself. The pages flutter until they reach an entry near the end of the diary.

I'm so sorry.

----Image

It's happening.

The disaster that everyone always warned me about. I've been trained my whole life to respond to this, to hide here in this shelter. When they showed me this, i never truly thought it would happen.

But right now, I know better than that. I don't regret it, the giving of that necklace. Just what is to come.

I knew that this was possible. I knew from the second that I lifted that bottle to my lips. I don't know how exactly it happened, but I know it did.

All the signs point to it. I look down at my powerless hands and clench them into fists, angry. Even though this is my fault, all mine.

And I know how to end it. All I need to do is ask for that green, bubbly potion that will be my end.

I thought I had myself prepared for this. But I was wrong.

Either way, it must be done. With unnaturally steady hands I pick up my diary and write my last entry, a single line. Then I place it down on the desk, leaving it for someone to find after I'm gone.

I force myself to move one foot, then the other. Into the glass room, where the windows are all pitch black. Through the glass wall, and down the spiral staircase. I take a deep breath before walking through the wall, preparing myself.

I take a step out.

Everything out here seems normal, but I know it's not. I turn to go to my mother, the person who I know will understand everything. But as soon as I do so, I feel the world slipping away.

Something hits me, hard. And from that moment I know that this is it, it's over. As the cold takes over my body, I have enough time for one last thought.


I'm so sorry.

----Image

My hands involuntarily becomes fists as I feel the cold of the memory spreading through my body.

I let a little laugh escape from my lips, although there is nothing funny about this at all. I must be going crazy, if I'm not already insane.

So I knew, even last time. And in both lives, I have the same destiny. To die.

If only I had time to explain myself. If Alina hadn't killed me on the spot.

But she did, and what am I left with now? Sixteen extra years that amount to... what, exactly? Surely not happiness.

People dying to save someone who's supposed to be long dead. Time spent trying to figure out a problem that that someone already knew the answer to. Years of suffering for her friends, and years lost for her planet.

All to save that girl, who wasn't as perfect as they thought she was.

It hurts to think this. More than anything else. So along with everything else, I stop thinking about it.

I flip through the diary, trying to get a glimpse into who I once was. Perfect or not?

All the entries show happiness. And I would have believed it, too, if I didn't know better. Even so, I still don't know enough. How much of myself did I hide from the diary? From the world? Everyone but myself, the perfect princess? Except those thoughts are all inaccurate.

I am not Diana Crystal.

----Image

Weeks pass, turning into months. Or maybe they are mere seconds. I can't tell anymore. Maybe I'm spending centuries floating in this nothing. I am numb. There is nothing. I am not swimming in darkness. There is none. No darkness, no light. Just nothing.

Am I awake? Sleeping? Or am I already dead? Will I be like this forever? Existing in nonexistence?

Those words are piercing. Pain. But at least it's something. Something to tell me that I'm still real.

I want more. More of that feeling. Anything, as long as I can feel. So I break down those walls.

And I let the memories in.
♠ ♠ ♠
Exactly one thousand words. A very important chapter.

Fun fact - When this story is over (it's not over yet!) there will be two pathways, and you readers will help me pick. I won't tell you what it is just yet.