Twisted Returns

They trickle in, after so much time locked up. They come in no order, no form. Some drag me in, while some are just pictures or words. Some are irrelevant, senseless. Some have a deeper meaning.

My human mother, laughing at something I said. Lorraine, making a horrendous face in the dressing room mirror. The sky , streaked with pink. Jesse, who asked me to be his. These are memories of Earth. They bring me both happiness and pain.

Ashlee, inching closer and closer to Andrew. I feel a pang because that will never happen again. Her death is my fault.

I think of Lorraine, who is weak. She will never be the same again. Her child, who she gave up so much for, is dead. Again, my fault.

That brings me to all the other deaths. The hospital. The village. The planet. Am I causing more right now? So many dead, yet I won't do anything about it. Were their deaths as gruesome as the ones I witnessed?

Lynda, the girl who houses the powers of love. I still can't tell if her death was real or not. Is she happy? Did she get what she wanted? And, most importantly, does she truly understand the concept of love? They say that love and lies go together. Yet something tells me she knows of only one.

That brings me to the thing that I had dreaded most. The thing I had locked up the tightest, imprisoned the longest.

Connor.

----

The sun sinks lower, setting the sky on fire. I look over at him, his face bathed in an orange glow.

"So tell me," I say, preparing to ask him something I had been wondering for a while.

"Yeah?"

"What is it about me that you like, really?"

"That's a hard one," he says.

I roll my eyes. "So there's nothing good about me, huh?"

"No, that's not it. I uh... like your sandwich making skills."

"That's the same thing Cody said to Lorraine."

"Oh shit, you caught me," he says, laughing. I find myself laughing along with him.

"Seriously, though," I say, after the laughter has come to an end.

"I was serious."

----

"You are so ridiculous!" I scream.

"Are you serious? There's nothing ridiculous at all about this!" His blue eyes are cold and unforgiving. At any other time, a look like this would bring me pain. But the anger burns over that.

"You can't go around telling Cody everything about... about us!"

"He's my brother! Does it matter? Are you ashamed of me or something?"

Unable to answer, I slam the door in his face.

----

"I can't believe we're really here," he says. "So far away from home. Or what used to be home, anyways."

"I didn't think we'd be here, either," I tell him. "I never would have thought it a few years ago. But here we are."

"What was it like?" he asks. "Finding out that you had to run away. Then actually doing it."

"It was... hard. I didn't believe it at first. Once I got going, though, I just set my eyes on the goal. I tried not to think about anything else. What about you?"

"Well... I acted on impulse. When we stayed in that house, back in Pennsylvania, it was Grant's house. I told you how I hated him, right?"

"Uh huh. You told everyone we were with at that time."

"Well, he stole my girlfriend," he says, looking embarrassed. "Stupid, I know. There's a bit more to it, but that was the main reason I wanted to go. And for a long time, I regretted leaving. Even though it wasn't like I could go back..."

"Do you regret it now?" I ask.

"No. Well, maybe sometimes. I miss home sometimes. The people I used to know, my old life. The house I lived in..."

"You just wanted a place where you could touch yourself in private."

"Oh yeah. That too."

----

"I want to know, though," I say. "What do you really like about me?"

"Hmm..." he says. "I like how you're real. It's not an act, I can tell. You're not afraid to be you."

"Hmm, I guess..." I say, knowing that he's a bit off there.

"What about me?" he asks. "Is it my hot body?"

I smile, knowing that it lights up my whole face. I speak my next words as the sun falls below the ocean water.

"I like how you're everything I ever wanted."

----

Everything I ever wanted.

I took that saying for granted back then. If he was really everything I wanted, then why did I leave him behind?

It's because I didn't realize the truth until now. So now, I pay for it. I should have picked fate, even though that would be selfish. A whole planet of people lost.

I find myself having a sense of consciousness again, as my fingers are clenched into fists, the knuckles white. The color makes me sick. The thoughts pound against the inside of my head, cracking my skull. My fingernails turn into swords, digging into my flesh. This room is turning into an ice cellar, and all the air is being sucked out. I can't breathe, and I exhale toxic fumes that burn my nose. The pinpoints of light are everywhere, but they escape my grasp. I want them, but I can't get them. No matter how hard I try.

I can't take it anymore.

I'm up on my feet before I know it, running. But from what? Then it hits me. I'm running from myself.

I am past crying now. I run through the glass, down the stairs. Past the wall is the remnants of that hallway that threatened to fall on my head. I jump over the remains and sprint towards the kitchen, ignoring the jagged edges cutting into my legs.

My mouth curls into a twisted smile, as I know my next act will be out of selfishness, no matter how selfless it seems. I run into the kitchen, which has been deserted, as everything is in disarray.

Then I see it, lying on the ground. A shiny silver blade. I bend down to pick it up, and see that it is still sharp. I weigh it in my hand, wondering...

And then I plunge it straight into my body. The pain is everything I was ever afraid of. I want, I need it to stop. But it's too late. A scream escapes from my lips, the sound so horrifying it scares even me. Then, something ironic happens.

As the blood leaks out, so does the pain.