Twisted Returns

Soulmate.

It's what every girl hopes to find. Except it doesn't work that way for me. It never does. I should accept that, but I just can't.

Marigold sighs, and for the first time I see how exhausted she really is. "We weren't able to save your magic, though. When we performed the wedding ceremony, you weren't able to give consent. In forcing the bond, the magic was destroyed completely."

I never believed it would come back, but this still hits me hard. Now when I look at my body's mother, all I will feel is jealousy. Not for her looks or her personality or who she is, but for her power. Because that's the kind of horrible person I am.

Something is missing. While there are still so many things to be explained, I know there's a big one missing. I feel like they won't tell me unless I ask.

"War." My lips form the word before I even know what I'm doing. They don't move again.

"Yes, the war..." Marigold says, averting here eyes. There is definitely something she doesn't want to tell me. "It's still going on."

Then, had I died for nothing? There must be an automatic expression of worry on my face, because she quickly says, "Oh no, it's nothing big. They're losing. By this time, most would surrender. They just seem to be very persistent. It will all be over soon."

Except in my eyes, it will never be over. Unlike the many people who gave up their lives, memories don't die.

She looks into her hand, then back at me. "I have to go settle some things. I was going to ask you to... never mind. Not in this condition."

When she leaves the room, I'm left with Dean. I can't speak, though I have nothing to say to him anyway.

"It wasn't supposed to work, you know."

I move my eyes from the ceiling and to his face. The face I once thought perfect. I try to ask what he means, but all that comes out is a weak sounding groan. He understands, though, as he always does.

"We're married, right? Soul bonding. Except it isn't right. They said a loveless bond would never work."

So is this not real? The fear is paralyzing.

"It did work, though," he assures me. "So maybe there's love somewhere. Maybe it's because of the past. We were 'that' couple, and we had everything. But now... not is different. I'm not that guy and you're not that girl."

And how right he is. I am not that girl, the epitome of perfection. Yet she is not a stranger. She is me. I have her body, her looks, but I have her conceit. I have human selfishness and greed, all the bad points of both.

As for him, he has it all. He has that face and those eyes, the patience and the honesty. Dean was never good with words, but Charles was, and now he has that too.

It's all taunting me, but that little voice in my head tells me why. It's called karma, and we both deserve what we have.

"Do you remember that day?" he asks after a long silence. He pauses again before continuing. "We were coming back from Hawaii. You were afraid to sleep, but it was catching up to you."

I search for anything that matches that description, but I draw a blank.

"I guess not. It wasn't really important to you, because you were like the walking dead anyway. But... It was then when I realized I had already fallen for you."

It is now that I am glad I can't speak.

"I caught you when you fell that night. I caught you, but you weren't mine. You were Connor's and I know you still are."

This should be true in every sense of the world. But if the world made sense, he wouldn't have forgotten me. I wouldn't have had to leave him. I shouldn't have.

"Except maybe you're not his. Maybe it's just some delusional dream of mine... You should be mine now. They all say you are. Yet that still doesn't make it true."

He's everything a girl could want, and I know we could be happy together. At the same time, it could never work out. There's a part of me that will never accept it. With all this confusion, I might never know.

"I don't expect anything from you. Maybe I shouldn't have told you this, but you had to know. We've had too many secrets for a lifetime."

Something tells me that one more couldn't have hurt.

He sighs. "I wish things were different."

His words are striking, piercing, and all too familiar. How many times have I heard them? How many times have I thought them myself? Far too many.

"We're bonded together now. So what does that mean? Because even though we now have something deeper than we can ever know... still. There are things you can never forget. These things will stay with you forever, haunting you when you sleep, and even when you're awake."

I think of the girl with the haunted brown eyes. The girl with the bandaged face. And so many more. We all have things haunting us. Things that won't ever really go away, leaving holes in our lives.

I have too many. They are things caused by myself, and I should have known better. I've hurt so many people, and I don't doubt that I'll hurt more.

"For me, it's you. You're haunting me, Dana."