Twisted Returns

The night is cold, sending shivers up and my spine. The wind isn't gentle tonight, as it whips my hair around my face. A pair of arms wrap around my waist, another body presses against mine. His warm breath tickles the back of my neck. He is the first to break the silence.

"Do you think we'll be together forever?"

We stare up at the blue-tinted moon. I can feel my heart beating in time with his. I close my eyes, breathing in the moment before answering.

"Of course. I couldn't ever imagine loving anyone but you."

----

I blink once. Then twice. I awaken to the sight of stars. They sparkle and wink at me in the darkness, like diamonds. The familiarity of this brings involuntary tears to my eyes. I angrily brush them away and throw the covers off. I sit up on the side of the bed, willing myself not to look at the stars painted on the ceiling of my bedroom.

My mind drifts to the dream I had. It was more than a dream, though. Now, I see that it was a memory...

So much for loving him forever.

I recall the events that occurred in the past days and the thoughts that make my heart physically ache. I try to push them away, but then stop myself, remembering what holding everything in can do to you (and that thought makes me wince too).

I need someone to talk to. I don't want to talk to any of the Terrans right now. They will pull my mind back to the past, and I can't have that happening now.

They are the only ones I know, however, and the ones I don't want. I would rather have someone close to me. I need someone who can tell me what I need without judging me and actually caring about me. Then I realize it. What I need is a mother.

I don't have one of those. Even if I get everything material that I want, I can never have someone I can be a little kid with again. There are no shoulders to cry on or laps to sit on or hands to wipe away the tears or lips to speak soft, comforting words.

But... the little voice in my head says, have I made it this way myself? Is there possibly a change to get this all back?

Even though it's the middle of the night, I get up without another thought.

----

"Dana," she says, her brown eyes flickering over me uncomfortably. "What do you need?"

I shrug my shoulders. I honestly don't know what I want from her. But I know I need something. There is no way I dragged my disobedient body up here for nothing.

She doesn't say anything for a while. "Well. Things are hard, aren't they?" she says finally.

I just shrug again and stare up at the walls. I'm not sure if I can actually speak or not. I haven't tried in a while. And even if I can, what am I supposed to say? "I'm sorry we're such a shitty family?"

"It looks like it's all uphill from here, though," she says. Then she thinks it over and adds, "Well, maybe not. I thought that after the barriers were broken, everything would be okay again. But... I saw Selistis today."

Selistis. The name is familiar and I can place a face to the name. Of course, there's more to a person's identity than just that.

"You remember her, right? The princess from Kriaklesh."

Yes, now I know. She was my age. We used to be friends when we were younger.

"She... she's different now."

"How?" I think of how she could have changed. Is she a whole different person? Has she turned into a druggie or something?"

"She has a kid now."

So it's teen pregnancy that got her. I'd never known her to be like that. Marigold did say she was different, though.

"She's also about thirty-three now."

I forgot. The time freeze. She continued on with her life while I lived a new one. While Crystallaria was locked away. What else have I missed? These years can't be returned, even though I have.

A loud find resonates through the room. Marigold looks up to the ceiling as if waiting for something. Nothing else comes.

"We'll find a way to fix this," she says. "I promise. Crystallaria is being rebuilt. And so will you, soon."

I nod and get up. It's best to leave it there. I can see her looking into her hand distractedly. She must be getting a million messages I can't see. I turn to leave.

"Wait," she says, and I turn back around. "Just remember... Crystallaria has been through a lot, and so have you. But things are getting better. And you'll still always be their princess."

----

"Princess Diana!" A voice calls. There are three knocks on my door. I get up slowly and open the door. A small girl with huge brown eyes stares up at me. "You're awake!"

I nod, unable to answer in any other way. I'm too scared to try to speak and find out that I'm the same as ever. The girl hands me a black board and something that resembles a pen.

"Write what you want to say on it."

I wonder if I can write and decide to find out. My hands are a bit shaky as I grip the pen, but I can form semi-legible letters. The first thing I write, predictably, is "hi". The board reads it out loud in my voice, which surprises me.

"Do you like it?" she asks, smiling.

"Yes, thank you," I write. I turn to go back into my bedroom.

"Wait!" she says. "That's not the only reason I'm here! I've come to tell you that the room is ready."

I freeze and spin to face her? "Really?"

She nods. "Come, let's go."

She leads me through the palace and through many doors. The walk takes a while and the silence is uncomfortable. So I ask, still using the board, "What's your name?"

"Ameka," she says.

"How old are you?"

"I'll be eight soon."

Something feels wrong here, but not in a horrible panicking way. Not the feeling of paranoia that usually follows me. I don't know why, but I find myself writing, "What's your real name?"

She stops and looks at me weirdly. Then she answers with a word I have no spelling for. Crystallarian. The word is beautiful and it seems as if it wakes me up from a deep sleep.

She had answered in English the first time because of me. She only knows English because of me. Her life is so different now because of me. How many people have I, as a single person, affected? Now we're walking up to a door. All because of me.

"Go, I'm not allowed in with you," she said. "But I'll wait here."

I slowly walk into the room, afraid of what I'm going to see. And it's not as terrifying as I thought it would be.

He breathes slowly, in and out. His eyes are still closed and his body is covered by a white sheet. His face looks fine, but some of his hair is singed away. I move the covers a little bit, but quickly replace them when I see the red burns creeping up his skin. He's just sleeping, I know that. Not a coma or anything serious, so I shouldn't be worried. And I'm not. I'm just so sorry.

I sit there, just staring at him. It's all because of me. And I can't let anything like this happen again. There's that part of me that knows things must change, but there's also that part of me that is still stuck in the past. When he shifts painfully in his bed, I know that I have to let go. His arms are now out from under the covers and I can see all the damage that has been done to him. I will never ever let this happen again. So, carefully, I take his hand, wondering if he can feel it. Then for the first time in days, I speak. And I say to myself words that have changed so much and will change so much.

"This is my destiny now."