Attero Vicis

Potatoes. Potatoes, potatoes, and more potatoes. That was the first signal I caught. She’d woken up late, but that hadn’t bothered me as much as the mountain of potatoes she’d gotten that day at lunch. I remember her telling me that she was only upset because her parents were still out working, I knew by the look on Alexa’s face that she bought it instantly. Salem was a good liar, but I knew her well enough to tell the difference.

I also knew her enough to know that pointing out her lie would only make the situation worse.

The next time I asked she was tired, despite the fact that she’d gotten extra sleep the night before.

Excuse after excuse after excuse, but I never brought it up again.

I could dream about that day over and over again and I could relive it in my head day after day, but all I can do is scold myself. I can only tell myself to do better next time, to not wait for it to be too late.

I know my parents want me downstairs, mostly because I can hear my name echoing up the stairwell and through the hallways, but I can’t bring myself to move. Months aren’t enough, not when I know that I should have had her for years longer than I did.

I don’t remember her eating any of the potatoes, but I’m sure that she must have. The familiar hungry feeling wore at my stomach, there was no way she could last so long with nothing.

“Jared!” It’s my mother, forcing me to answer. I can’t waste time, what if something’s wrong? Panic rises and bubbles in my throat. I promise myself I won’t be late for anything ever again.

I tumble towards the door, swinging it open and thundering down the stairs. I don’t try to be quiet anymore, I need to be fast. My parents stand in the middle of the dining room, staring at me with disapproving eyes and deeply etched frowns. “You’re a mess,” my mother’s stance whispers. I can feel a whole sympathetic stanza radiating from her weary eyes. My father’s verse is more angry, how dare you worry your mother so?

Staring guiltily at the floor, I hardly murmur my part. “What?”

“You should eat.”