I'm Hardly Worth Your Time.

I found myself walking towards Alex’s apartment later that afternoon, I was nervous, playing with my fingers, picking at the nail polish I had recently just done, letting the chips of aqua blue fall to the ground. Jack said this was the right thing to do, I only hoped he was right.
I climbed the steps to the fifth floor, before walking along the walkway and coming face to face with Alex’s front door, still shaking I knocked carefully a few times, before stepping back and waiting for the door to open. Maybe this wasn’t the right idea, I started to walk half way down the walkway when I heard the door open from behind me.

“Lea? What? Uh, come back” Alex yelled from where he was.

I stopped abruptly before turning on my heel with a sigh and heading back towards Alex, this was such a mistake, he’s going to hate me, oh god what have I let myself in for…

“Come in, take a seat” he spoke softly after shutting the door behind me.

I slowly made my way through to the living room, I sat myself on the couch nearest the door, so I could easily make a run for it if things get ugly. Alex rushed in from the kitchen, handing me a can of coke, before sitting beside me.

“I’m sorry about last night Lea, I really am. I shouldn’t have said that to you” he spoke sadly.

I could tell he was sincere, there was that thing he does with his eyes, it’s hard to explain, but it’s a charm.

“I know, it’s fine. I guess you are right though Alex, I need to tell you what’s bothering me” I sighed knowing this could either turn out really good or really bad.

“You can trust me babe, I just want to help” he breathed. “just say” he added.

I nodded.

“I don’t want you to take this the wrong way, but I, uh, I’ve missed so much this past year, I’ve given up basically all my plans to be a good girlfriend to you, so I could be there for you like you wanted at every concert. You never would give up that to do something for me Alex, I know this is you’re dream, and you guys will tour eventually, I’ll be at college. I just don’t think we’re cut out for each other, we’ll never see each other Alex. You’ve got to be the big guy here, you can’t think of me here, I’m hardly worth your time. You need to live you’re life the way you’ve always wanted too. And I’ve got to live mine. You’ll find someone better, someone who will put up with this, but I’m not that kind of girl Alex. I never lied when I told you I loved you, cause I really do, I love you more than anything in the world, I want you to know and understand that. I want you to understand that this will be best for the both of us” I confessed.

The pain in my heart is an indescribable feeling, I hope no one would ever feel the way I do now. I wouldn’t even wish it on my worst enemy.
I looked from my hands to Alex, his eyes were rimmed with tears, his bottom lip quivered lightly.

“I, uh, I think you should leave, Lea. Please understand that I don’t want you here at the moment” he spoke with sadness, tears steaming down his cheeks.

I nodded understandingly, I stood up and for the last time, I kissed Alex, passionately showing him my feeling of love were true for him before I walked out of his apartment and out of his life.