Bulletproof

I drifted between sleep and waking reality for a while. It was the kind of sleep where you’d wake up every once in a while and you could hear what was going on around you, but you were way too tired to actually react. I mainly listened when I’d end up almost awake. From what I could tell, there was someone sitting with me at all times. It seemed like they were taking shifts, but Kindred was pretty consistently by my side. I drifted back to sleep as Ray and Kindred spoke in hushed voices.

I was sitting in the dark. While that in itself wasn’t particularly frightening to me, I found the overwhelming loneliness to be crushing. It felt like there was a heavy weight on my chest, making it hard to breathe. I could hear my own ragged gasps rasping out of my throat. My head ached and my skin burned. I opened my mouth but no scream came, and it seemed like my spirit just drifted out of my body so that I was looking at my own face. It was stretched in a grim mask of sadness and pain, but I felt nothing while looking at it. The previous fire I’d felt on my skin and the pounding in my head had died out as quickly as they’d come. I heard footsteps off in the distance, coming closer. My disembodied soul snapped quickly back to its shell, making my head spin from how quickly it’d happened. I could feel something coming, something I needed to know. This was something I had to remember. A door appeared in the darkness, a door I hadn’t even known was there, and it started to open.

“Fuck!” I yelled, sitting up so quickly that I made myself dizzy and my body screamed in protest. I felt a hand on my face instantly, and my eyes darted to see who it was. Kindred sat by my side, hand on my forehead as she frowned.

“What happened, Harley?” she asked, still frowning as she pulled her hand away from my face.

“Fuck,” I repeated in a grumble, squeezing my eyes shut to try to avoid the dull ache I felt coming on. “Everything hurts.”

“You’re going into withdrawal,” she sighed back, looking slightly saddened. “You’ve got a pretty nasty fever to boot.”

I nodded, since that explained the sheen of sweat that covered my pale body. I didn’t even notice there was anyone else in the room until Mikey shifted forward, looking at a loss for what to do. I groaned and fell back into my bed, hands covering my face.

“There’s something I’m forgetting. Something important,” I disclosed, feeling frustrated. “It’s right there, but I can’t get it.”

“Give yourself a break,” Kindred scolded. “You’re recovering. It’ll come to you in time.”

“No,” I disagreed, though it was unclear to even me which statement I was disagreeing with, “I have the feeling that this can’t wait. It’s important.”

“Relax,” Mikey advised, scooting slightly closer. “It’s not going to do you any good to get all worked up about it.”

I scowled and tried to push myself up. My arms shook and my elbows almost buckled, but I made it up eventually. I took a second to let myself adjust before I looked around the room. It was just the three of us.

“How long have I been asleep?” I muttered, taking my hands to my face again. My knuckles pushed against my eyes as I tried to banish the heaviness from them. I saw sparks of color behind my closed eyelids, and that kept me entertained for a second.

“You’ve been on and off for just over…” Kindred looked at the watch strapped to her wrist, “nine hours.”

“Too long,” I grumbled, and I attempted to claw the air as I made to get up. Of course it got me nowhere, but I tried nonetheless. Mikey made a noise of protest while Kindred put a gentle hand on my shoulder, keeping me grounded. I let out a frustrated, huffy sigh, crossing my arms in front of my chest like a pouting child. “I want to get up.”

“Yeah, that much I figured out on my own,” Kin rolled her eyes at me, “but you need to rest.”

“I’ve been resting,” I protested gruffly. “Now I want to get up. If I don’t get up and move around, I’m just going to get even more sore.”

She sighed. “You know what? Fine. Come on, up we get.”

She stood and hauled me carefully with her. Mikey stood as well, and they both looked like they were waiting to take my arms and guide me to wherever I pleased. I wouldn’t have any of it.

“I’m going to go apologize to the other guys,” I announced, and stumbled clumsily out of the way as they both came towards me. “And I’m doing it by myself, dammit.”

They allowed that, though they both hovered closely behind me as I stumbled and shuffled in a zombie-like way towards the door. I got there and opened it, taking a left to go towards the Junk Room (as I liked to call it), where the guys usually hung out. As per usual, they were all lounging casually around the room, chatting quietly and generally lazing around. My presence was announced unintentionally as I stumbled and lurched into a wall, cursing under my breath. Their heads snapped in my direction, and I could feel Mikey and Kindred coming closer to help.

“I’m fine!” I said quickly, pushing myself off the wall as I continued farther into the room. I saw Gerard shoot a look over my shoulder, probably at his brother. I ignored it and sat down against a wall, taking a deep breath. It wasn’t so bad when I was moving, but after I stopped it hurt like a bitch. I took a few more deep breaths and then looked at Ray, Frank, and Gerard one by one.

“I’m sorry,” my apology was a simple one, but it encompassed a lot. I felt a wave of nausea hit me, so I squeezed my eyes shut and sucked in a breath. “I’m okay,” I stuttered quickly, trying to reassure them before anyone could even ask. It would’ve been more convincing if it didn’t sound so choked and forced.

“No, you’re not,” Gerard’s voice was a lot closer than I expected, but I didn’t open my eyes. I felt him pull me to his side, brushing my hair away from my face. I wanted to protest, but I didn’t want to open my mouth for fear of what might come out. I don’t think he’d be any more likely to forgive me if I vomited on him.

“We’re not all that mad anymore, either,” Frank chimed. “Sure, we were pissed before, but we’re too afraid of what Kindred’ll do to us if we make you cry again to stay mad.”

A tiny smile cracked my pained mask. My stomach still felt like it was being turned inside-out, but it was more bearable. I opened my eyes in time to see the fowl look Kin threw his way, which made me smile a little more. He just sent her a cheeky grin back. I looked away from him and towards Ray, and I noticed for the first time that he was sporting an eye patch.

“That’s a good look for you, Jet,” I murmured. He looked a little confused before he realized what I was talking about, and his good-humored grin lit up his face.

“You think?”

“Mhm. You pull it off nicely,” I confirmed. Before I could add anything on to that, though, the door to Dr. D’s studio opened and Grace’s tiny form came slouching out. She looked around at the guys with minimal interest, and then she looked at me. There was a spark of something behind her bright eyes, but I didn’t know what. Then, she frowned and walked out of the room. I heaved a heavy sigh, but it hitched in my throat when the expansion of my lungs caused discomfort to the multiple injuries on my back. I hissed the breath back out through my teeth, gritting them tightly. Once it passed, I detached myself from Gerard’s side and used the wall to help push myself up. Once on my feet, I toddled unsteadily after the little girl.

“Where’re you going?” Frank demanded. I looked back over my shoulder with a breezy wave.

“I have to apologize to her,” I explained, shutting the door behind me. When I got to the dining area, I found Gracie turning a can of Power Pup in her small hands, looking at it thoughtfully. I cleared my throat gently, and she nearly dropped the can out of surprise. She turned to look at me, but when she met my eyes, her expression turned flat.

“What?” she asked, clearly still unhappy with me.

“Look, Grace, what I said at the Drac place… I didn’t mean that,” I explained, frowning.

“You sounded like you meant it,” she grumbled mutinously. I smiled sadly at her even though she was refusing to even look at me.

“I had to, otherwise they would’ve kept you there, too. Or they would’ve taken you away from the guys and to Battery City. I was trying to keep you safe,” I continued, trying not to sound like I was pleading with a ten-year-old. It proved more difficult than originally anticipated. When she finally looked at me again, her expression had softened, but just barely.

“How do I know you’re not lying?” she asked, sounding close to tears. I felt bad instantly.

“Gracie,” I said softly, frowning, “I wouldn’t lie to you. I care about you too much.”

She frowned thoughtfully, but she got up and slowly made her way over to me before hesitantly wrapping her arms around my middle. I ran my fingers through her wild hair gently, and I could feel something warm and wet on my hip. “Gracie, it’s okay, you don’t need to cry.”

“I thought you were gonna die,” she admitted tearfully. I kneeled down slowly, biting back a gasp as my head spun. I forced a smile for her.

“Nah, silly! I’m fine, see? I’m just fine,” I put my hands on her shoulders and made her look at me. That turned out to be the wrong thing to do, though, since she only started crying harder. “What’s wrong, Grace?”

“Your face… it’s all bruised.”

I frowned. It didn’t feel bruised, but I figured that was probably because everything else hurt. I smiled again, a real one this time.

“Don’t worry about it, hon. You should see the Dracs that I got my hands on.”

She smiled slightly, hugging me again. I hugged her back before pulling away and looking her in the face. “Can we be friends again? Please?”

She nodded and smiled. The tears had stopped, and that buoyant personality was coming back to life behind her eyes. “Yeah.”

***

Three days later and I’d made no progress on remembering whatever it was that I’d forgotten. I spent a lot of my time alone (or as alone as they’d let me be), thinking and thinking. I came up with nothing every single time. Frustrated, I stood up with more strength than I’d felt the entire month and made my way out of the office. Ray followed after me, since he was my designated babysitter of the hour. I didn’t even have the capacity to be annoyed, since I was so absorbed in my own thoughts.

What could it be? Why can’t I remember?

I huffed quietly to myself, pacing the hallway. Ray leaned against the wall and watched me wordlessly, deciding he didn’t want to interrupt. I pondered to myself for another short while, pacing restlessly. Again, I was rewarded with a whole lot of nothing.

“You’re going to run a rut in the floor if you keep this up,” Ray called me out of my thoughts eventually. I stopped pacing to look at him, running a hand through my hair. I sighed for what felt like the millionth time since I woke up, tugging my hair slightly.

“This is driving me crazy,” I grumbled. He chuckled lightly, pushing himself off the wall to make his way over to me. Putting a hand on my shoulder, he led me back to the Junk Room.

“Maybe if you stopped trying to be all alone all the time, you could get your mind off it. It’ll come to you eventually, probably when you’re not trying to force it.”

Just as we were about to walk in, though, I could hear the whirring of the wheels on Show Pony’s skates against the floor. I turned around just as he skidded to a stop in front of me. Though I’d never heard him say a word or even seen his face, I could tell that something had upset him. I felt an unknown dread settle in my stomach when he handed me a little note. Scribbled on the outside was my name, but the handwriting was something I recognized. It was Sasha’s. With trembling fingers, I unfolded the crumpled paper.

Come to The Machine. Hurry. Not much time.

I swallowed slowly, feeling like the saliva was stuck in my throat. I just stared at the paper for a couple of seconds before I felt someone’s hand on my shoulder. I looked at Show Pony, and he gestured with his head towards the front doors. He was apparently telling me that I really didn’t have time to just wait around.

“Isn’t anything ever fucking quiet out here?” I half-yelled, taking Ray by surprise. He held his hand out, so I gave him the note and went to find Kindred. I could hear a noise of surprise coming from my friend before he followed quickly behind me.

“Hey, what’re you doing? Harley, you’re still hurt and-”

“Save it,” I demanded shortly. “Nothing you can say will stop me from going to see what’s up.”

“We’re coming with you, then,” he stated defiantly. I nodded absentmindedly as I wandered into the Junk Room. Kindred was there, chatting quietly with the other guys, Grace, and Dr. D. I hurried over to Kindred, pulling at her arm.

“We have to go,” I told her in a hushed voice. She looked at me as if I’d gone insane. “Seriously, Scar, we need to go!”

“Harley,” she said gently, eyebrows furrowing, “you’re not making any sense. Go where? And why?”

I looked over to see Ray showing the guys the note, but I snatched it from him and shoved it into Kindred’s hands impatiently. She looked it over, frowning slightly. “Your brother’s restaurant?”

“We have to go!” I nearly hollered this time as I repeated my phrase. “Right fucking now!”

Grace slipped her hand into mine, trying to calm me down. The guys were all consulting with Dr. D, Show Pony standing with them. I looked down at Grace, who gazed back up at me with her curious, bright eyes.

“What’s wrong?” she asked. I swallowed again with some effort, trying to find the right words. I didn’t want to make any assumptions before we got there. I couldn’t handle it.

“There’s… something up with my brother and sister,” I replied carefully. I didn’t know if that was exactly true or not, but it was the only thing I could think of that didn’t involve excessive amounts of swearing.

“Are they okay?” she asked another question, and I felt my pulse quicken beneath my skin.

“I really hope so,” I muttered back. Kindred put a hand on my shoulder, and then the guys were around us. They looked at me, but I didn’t want their sympathy or pity, so I avoided their gazes.

“Well, let’s get this show on the road,” Frank suggested after a minute. I nodded, heading out front without waiting for anyone else to add anything to that. I heard their footsteps following me, and soon we were all out around the dusty Trans Am. Gerard slid into the driver’s seat, Mikey took shotgun. Grace sat on his lap while Ray, Frank, and Kindred all shoved into the back seat. I huffed in annoyance when I realized that, once again, I’d be riding on someone’s lap. Instead of picking favorites, though, I just sprawled out across all of them, staring through the window even though the scenery was upside-down to me because of the fact that my head was hanging backwards against Kin’s thigh. No one said anything as the motor roared to life and we tore off into the desert.

I had a hard time sitting still. I shifted constantly and restlessly, sighing all the time and always fidgeting. If this annoyed my friends, though, they didn’t say anything. I figured they were probably holding their silence for my sake, and I felt gratitude towards them. I felt a hand rub my knee reassuringly, so I looked up and I was met with Frank’s infectious smile. I smiled absently back, trying my very best to not worry so much.

The only thing I could do was keep myself sane on the drive to the restaurant.