You Could Be Happy.

"Julee, why are you leaving?" Duncan asked me with tears in his beautiful eyes. 

The truth is, I didn't know why I was leaving him. Surely he would understand the situation we are both in, but I can't bare this burden on him. He has done nothing but treat me like I am the only girl in the world and this mistake will cause his world to crumble. His rise to fame will deflate and he will having nothing if I tell him the truth, the reason why I think I should leave.

"I have to do this for me. I know that you love me, but I am doing this for me." I told him, fighting back my own tears.

I packed my last suitcase and started wheeling it toward his apartment door. I turned around to get one last look at the apartment where so many memories have been made. Two years worth of memories. My twenty-second and third years have been spent in this apartment with Duncan Keith. The most loving man I have ever met. But, I needed to do this. Grow some balls and walk out this door. That was the only solution I could think of. 

•••

The night I left Duncan was in the past. Five months in the past, but I still had a hole in my heart. The contents in that hole belong to Duncan.

I looked down at my growing stomach and sighed. Six months pregnant and living on my own, when I could be living with a wonderful man and we could be picking out baby names together.

It is going to be a boy. Duncan used to tell me how much he wanted his first child to be a boy. He wanted to buy the baby hockey equipment and teach him how to ice skate. Just thinking about the joy it would have brought to his world made me regret my decision to leave him. 

What could I do now? I can't just waltz into his apartment and say, "Honey, I'm home. Have you missed me? And I forgot to tell you, the reason why I left you was because I am pregnant with your child."

I would rather die than be confronted by Duncan. But, part of me still had hope that he would be waiting on the other side of that door for me. Waiting with open arms and his crooked smile plastered on his gorgeous face. 

I just need to know how he is doing. If he has moved on. If he really is waiting for me. I know that once I see his face my heart will melt and my plan will be ruined. Once I see him, he will see me. He will wonder why my stomach is abnormally large and why I waddle when I walk. 

That's a chance I am willing to take. 

I struggled, but finally got myself off of my sofa. I found my shoes and coat, put them on, and grabbed my car keys. Making my way down the stairs to the parking lot was extremely difficult in the ten below weather, but it was extremely trying with my huge stomach. 

I started my car and watched in the review mirror for any cars or pedestrians that would wind up on my back bumper. When the coast was clear, I was on my way to Duncan's apartment.

Finally arriving, fifteen minutes later, I silently cursed the three flights of stair I had to walk up to get to his apartment door. 

"Take it one step at a time." I thought to myself, taking deep breaths in-between every other step.

I made it up to the top and was happy to see Duncan's door. I rose my shaking fist and knocked on it. Immediately I stepped away from the door, letting my nerves get the best of me.

"Coming." I heard him call. 

My heart was racing as I heard his footsteps coming closer and closer. My breath hitched in my chest when the door swung open and Duncan Keith was on the other side of the doorway. 

My eyes grew wide, just like his. He stepped aside and motioned for me to walk in. I don't think he saw my stomach yet. I took my coat off and sat down on his sofa. I felt his eyes follow my every move. 

"Shit! I'm screwed! He totally saw my enormous stomach." I thought.

"Wow." I heard him say under his breath.

I looked up at him with tears in my eyes. 

"I'm sorry." I cried.

He walked over to me and wrapped his arms around my waist. I buried my head into his chest and started sobbing.

"You could be happy and I won't know, but you weren't happy the day I watched you go." Duncan said softly to me.

I pulled away and saw a little smile on his face. He was trying to make me feel better and it was working. Times like these are the reasons I never wanted to leave. 

I finally confessed everything that was going on since the day I walked out on him. He listened to every word I said and didn't once disagree with my decision.

When I was done humiliating myself Duncan's lips found mine. His arms intertwined around my body, just like they used to. The part of me that had hope was jumping for joy. The other part was amazed that he still loved me after all the ass hole stuff I had done. 

But, now I know that he will love me for me. He will stand by me throughout all the shit we go through. He will help me when I have fallen and I will help him.

"I love you, Julee. I always will love you."