Chasing Imagination

Amy

‘Amy?’ Casper asked finally into the silence.

‘Yes?’

‘Can I show you something?’

I paused, my head still resting against his, contemplating the seductive intensity of his voice. ‘What do you want to show me?’

Now was his turn to pause. As I lifted my head, I could see fear and sorrow and insecurity in his face. Sadly, it was all that I ever seemed to see within him. I was reminded of the photo I had seen in Matt’s room...the happy, carefree Casper...the side of Casper that I had never seen. I had a horrible feeling that the change was because of me.

‘I want to show you why we’re doing this, Amy,’ he whispered. ‘I want you to see why you belong in this world.’

A spark set off in my mind. Maybe this was what a dream was like.

‘I want to take you somewhere...up above,’ he said.

‘Ok,’ I replied, my voice barely even a whisper. My heart began to drum faster and faster. The very mention of ‘up above’ was enough to send fear racing through my heart. Up above was dangerous. Up above was the dark and terrifying world of oppression and secrets and fear.
But maybe that was the whole point of taking me up there.

‘I want you to be happy with this life we all share,’ he said.

He wanted to make me happy, yet more than anything, I wanted to see him happy.

‘After all,’ he half-smiled grimly, but this time I could see the desperation in his expression, ‘you don’t exactly have a choice in this. This is the rest of your life, Amy. Make it count.’

His words scared me, but maybe fear was what I needed. Fear also gave courage.

Because, as well as fear, his words also struck something deep and beautiful inside me that I had never explored before, to the point where I didn’t even know what to call it. But there was something in his words that made me feel so...right. What else could I call it?
I smiled weakly, not sure what to say or do. I had never been in a situation like this before. I had never experienced love like this.

Love. Was that what this was then?

‘I’d love to come.’

Casper smiled, his eyes lighting up for the first time in possibly forever. I had seen him laugh and make jokes and smile before, but not like this. He always seemed a little depressed and solemn, no matter how many people he was trying to entertain.

He stood up, keeping my hand clasped lightly in his, so that I stood up with him.

‘Now?’ I asked. The drumming came back as blood pumped through my veins. The fear was returning.

‘Why not?’ he said, smiling again. He looked so beautiful when he smiled.

What did I say? That I was scared about going above ground?

I kept quiet. I had to trust Casper. If he believed it was safe enough to go up there, especially with me, who was inexperienced in all these things, then I just had to take his word for it.

‘Get a jacket,’ he said, ‘and we’ll go. I think it’s just starting to get dark—that’s the best time.’
I wasn’t sure what to think as I did as he said—got a jacket from the wardrobe and put on my boots. I was terrified; there was no doubt about that. My heart was hammering and my stomach was knotted uncomfortably tightly. But I was also intrigued. And excited. I had no idea where we were going, other than ‘up above,’ and the mysteriousness and spontaneity of the situation was enthralling.

As I stood up, ready to leave, I saw Casper was holding something. As I glanced down, I saw that it was the same thing he always got before we emerged above ground, reminding us of the ever-present danger that surrounded us Dreamers.

‘Take this,’ he said. It was a stun gun; the same one I had taken last time by the looks of things. I had no idea how he’d got it—he hadn’t even left the room to go and find it. Had he been carrying it when he came in?

‘Thanks,’ I said. Was that the correct response to someone handing you a gun? I couldn’t think of anything better to say.

I walked with Casper out of the base. I assumed at first that this may seem weird, but I began to realise as I saw someone coming in, that this was normal. Dreamers didn’t rot away underground. They were in and out whenever they wanted to be. It was only me that was different.

Again: I was the different one. It made me wonder...how long was I going to continue being this different one? What was I going to have to do to truly feel like I fit in down here?

We didn’t go out the entrance that I’d always used; instead we walked past it down a quiet tunnel that I’d never even noticed before. We walked for at least ten minutes before coming to a flight of stairs, which we stopped by.

‘You ready?’ Casper asked.

‘Uh, I guess,’ I said, hoping that I sounded more confident than I felt.

He gave one of those incredible half-smiles of his and took my hand. I was conscious of the fact that his skin was so cool and smooth, yet my hand was hot and clammy. My whole body felt as if it was at boiling point, all too ready to overheat. Suddenly, I longed for the cool, springtime evening air outside.

‘You sure?’ he asked. I couldn’t help but feel that he sounded ever so slightly patronising, but I kind of deserved it. I wasn’t being a very good Dreamer here—scared of even going outside. I’d seen and heard of these guys doing things far, far braver than that—many of them possessed true courage beyond that which I could comprehend.

‘Yeah,’ I replied, my voice whispery. He stepped up the first step, leading me out of the derelict decay of the yellowing tiles and graffiti and half light of the untamed underground world.

As we surfaced, I realised that we were right in the north of Kingston. That was good...not too close to my house. Nevertheless, I knew the area well. I didn’t come out here after dark all that often, though.

It was early enough in the evening for there to still be a few cars around, but the majority of pedestrians had returned home, shying away from the night. I was not afraid of it. The night wasn’t the looming monster that it once was, coming to wrap us in a suffocating, velvet cloak. The night almost felt like where I belonged now.

It wasn’t dark just yet. The sky was a pure, deep blue colour, the moon appearing like a little slither on the horizon and the first of the stars beginning to twinkle up in the endless expanse of cool serenity. Streetlamps and window lights cast an orange haze over the world, barring us from ever truly seeing the great constellations above, always keeping humanity separate from the grand dreams that existed far out in space, but this was still somewhat beautiful.

Outer London felt alive as Casper led me through the empty streets, though not in a scary way. Not so long ago, I was terrified of being up here. Despite the openness of 'up above,' it had always felt like a suffocating blanket. Now, although I could feel oppression and fear hanging in the air thicker than ever before, none of it seemed to touch me. I was separate from it all, here in my safe little twilight bubble with Casper.

We moved towards the newly built office blocks on the edge of Kingston, looming over the edge of London. They towered imposingly above us as we stopped in their shadows.
Initially, I was scared.

‘Why have we stopped?’ I breathed.

Casper smiled, gesturing for me to follow him round the back of the closest office building. The weird sense of freedom that I’d got from being out here a moment ago; the sense that, despite the fact that Dictator Cattermole held us in the tightest grip ever and had us all bound, gagged and blindfolded to his will, none of it seemed to touch me, was gone. And the fear was returning. We’re we breaking in or something?

‘Relax,’ Casper said, feeling the way my hand tensed in his.

‘Where are we going?’ I asked, not enjoying the claustrophobia of the darkened, walled alleyway. If someone found us round here...

‘Seriously, don’t worry,’ Casper insisted. We stopped again, beside a well concealed fire escape staircase that ran up the entire back of the office building, right to the very top floor. ‘We’re going up.’