Chasing Imagination

Casper

I was on the verge of sleep when Aled knocked on my door, saying that Markus wanted to see me.

‘Fuck him,’ I muttered, pulling on a shirt. If Aled heard, he didn’t care.

He escorted me all the way to the office as though I was incapable of getting there myself. Music blared loudly from the Big Room; evidently the Dreamers were partying long into the night, celebrating our victory over the Marauders. I had never been much of a party animal anyway, but tonight I would have rather committed suicide than gone along.

‘He’s ready for you now,’ Aled said, entering into his own ‘office,’ just to the left of Markus’s.

‘Casper,’ said Markus, weirdly cheerful, as I entered his room. ‘Damn, you don’t look good. The party giving you trouble?’

I shook my head and forced a laugh. ‘No. I haven’t been at the party actually.’

‘God you really are boring, aren’t you,’ he said, but it was sarcastic and he grinned slightly to show he was joking. He seemed to be in a cheerful mood tonight, which was rarely a good thing.

‘Well, sit down then,’ he said in his typically abrupt fashion. I practically collapsed onto the chair, willing myself to stay awake.

‘So, Con then?’ he said, steering the conversation despite my lack of input. My heart sank. It was not what I wanted to be talking about.

‘Yeah,’ I agreed absent-mindedly, holding my head.

‘You did good, kid,’ he said. Normally I would be ecstatic at hearing praise from Markus; it was something I seldom saw these days. But tonight, I just wanted to fall asleep and forget everything. In particular, I wanted to forget the way Amy had looked at me. Every time I so much as blinked I could see her granite eyes, full of betrayal, looking back at me.

‘Thanks,’ I mumbled.

‘You’ve impressed me a few times lately,’ he said, suddenly full of sincerity. ‘It’s good. Keep it up.’

‘Uh, thanks,’ I replied, distracted.

‘In fact, I have a feeling that Nightshade wants a couple of the Kingston lot to help her out with something. I might put you up for the job.’

Even in my drowsy state, I perked up a little at this.

‘Really?’ I asked.

‘Yeah, I think she wants you on the same night that all the other lot are going to raid the Marauder base.’

I sank again. So that was why he wanted me: because Matt wasn’t going to be around.

‘Oh,’ I said, dejected.

He laughed. ‘You realise that if I wanted Matt for this job, then I would swap you two round in a flash and have you lead the raid. No. This job’s gonna be way more important than whatever they’re doing, and I’m asking you, Casper.’

I was undeniably intrigued. ‘Seriously? Who else is coming?’

‘Well, who do you get on with that isn’t going on the raid?’

Other than the people I knew a little less well, such as Linzy and Dan and Aled, I could only think of one person. But I refused to so much as speak her name right now. It hurt too much.

‘I don’t know,’ I lied.

‘Well, I’m sure we can get a few of your lot to go along—there’s always Linzy and Leah. Is Phil going on the raid?’

As usual, his train of thought was fickle and I fought to keep up.

‘Er, yeah ok,’ I agreed dully. ‘And yeah, Phil is going.’

‘Ok,’ Markus mused. ‘Well, I’m not having them conducting the raid until at least the end of next week—far too dangerous, so close to their invasion here. But Nightshade won’t have her secret mission take place until the same day as the raid; she wants the raid to be used as a distraction, see?’

This was getting interesting. What had Nightshade come up with that was so much better than a Marauder base raid, to the point where the raid became a distraction from the main task?

‘Sure,’ I said. ‘But what actually is this?’

Markus shrugged sarcastically. ‘Don’t ask me. But don’t ask Nightshade either. I’m not sure even she knows what the hell she’s up to yet.’

I laughed, despite myself. ‘Ok then. Tell me when you get some information.’

‘Yup,’ he agreed. ‘Well, that’s it then. Oh, and can you send Amy to me?’

That was the last thing I wanted. ‘She’ll be asleep though. It’s nearly midnight and she’s hardly one for parties.’

Markus just shrugged again. ‘Not my problem. Send her in.’

***

I knocked apprehensively on Amy’s door, the corridor silent. The booming of heavy music was distant; the dorms feeling detached from the party going on elsewhere in the base.

‘Piss off, we’re sleeping!’ Linzy’s voice called dully yet somewhat humorously from inside.

‘It’s Casper,’ I called out. ‘I need to say something to Amy.’

There was a loud and very unsubtle huff, and Linzy mumbled ‘come in.’

I pushed the door open. Amy was sitting up.

‘Amy I—‘ I didn’t know what I was going to say, but in the darkness of the bedroom she somehow looked even colder than ever, and it knocked all the words out of me.

‘Casper,’ she said, curt and emotionless, glaring at me.

Bitterness reared its snake-like head inside me, and I glared back at her.

‘Markus wants to see you,’ I said, keeping my voice as cold and curt as she did. ‘Now.’ She stood up, pulling a hoodie on over the vest top she was wearing in bed and slipping on some shoes.

‘Ok,’ she said, not even managing a ‘thanks’ as she edged past me out of the room. I just stood, dumfounded, wondering what could have changed in such a short space of time.
I waited for her to move off down the corridor a bit, realising that following her would be awkward. I stepped backwards eventually, closing the door.

‘Cas!’ Linzy’s voice came as a harsh whisper from inside. As I re-opened the door she switched on her bedside light and pulled the covers up to her neck.

‘Yeah?’ I asked.

Her face was serious but her tone was friendly. ‘Don’t worry ‘bout Amy,’ she said. ‘She’ll get over it eventually.’

I nodded. ‘I hope so.’

Amy

As I sat down in Markus’s guest chair, I knew what was coming before it happened.

‘I heard you killed Dana today,’ he said, crossing his legs casually.

I had enough respect for Markus not to shriek at him.

‘Imogen killed her,’ I corrected him curtly. ‘But she was dying slowly, so I put her out of her pain.’

He seemed to almost suppress a smirk.

‘Very humane thing to do.’

‘That was the idea.’

We just sat, looking at each other across the desk.

‘Look kid,’ he eventually continued, ‘I know what you think; I know you have ethics and dignity and all that crap, but this is war now. There’s no place for mercy. The only way of finishing this shit off once and for all is to fight until the end. And if that means killing, then you gotta kill.’

I didn’t agree with a word he was saying.

‘It’s sick,’ I whispered.

‘It’s the only way,’ he assured me, his glassy grey eyes gazing into mine.

‘It’s not just that though,’ I tried to explain. ‘It’s the way they all treat it like a game. They laugh and compete about who they’ve killed. It’s...monstrous.’

‘They’re our enemies, Amy,’ Markus said, more sincere than he’d ever been. ‘And like I say, if the only way to win this war is to get rid of them all, then that’s what we gotta do. And if the gang want to compete with each other ‘bout who they’ve killed to make the situation a little more bearable, then that’s all very well. No one wants to do this job, but we all have to.’

I could see what he was saying but it didn’t make it right.

‘I just...it’s unnatural,’ I said, words failing me.

‘I know, kid,’ he said. ‘It’s an imperfect world, but it’s the only world we have. Now, onto something else.’

I wasn’t ready to give up the subject so easily, but it seemed I had no choice.

‘D’you wanna help Nightshade on a mission?’ he asked. I frowned. Why was he asking me, of all people?

‘Is it something I can do?’ I asked.

‘I dunno yet,’ he said. ‘She wants it kept top secret in case anyone finds out. But Casper’s gonna lead our lot.’

‘Oh,’ I said, my mood sinking. ‘Maybe not then.’

Markus eyed me suspiciously. ‘You two had a row?’

What did I tell him? ‘Kinda,’ I replied.

‘Well, I think it’d be good for you,’ he insisted kindly. ‘It’ll help you. The more tasks you do, the more you’ll get used to this life.’

The idea that maybe I didn’t want to be used to this life flashed briefly through my mind, but I dispelled it. I did want to be here. I wanted to imagine; I had established that. I loved the idea of dreaming in the purest sense of the word. But war? Killing? Sadism? That was what I didn’t want.

‘He won’t be the only one going,’ he persisted. ‘Nightshade will be sending along a few of her lot. And I’ll probably ask Linzy to go, and maybe Dan. You lot are my favourite fighters, see? A load of people just hang back and do computer work and stuff, but your lot, you’re out there, fighting all the way.’

I was liking the sound of ‘my lot’ less and less. Maybe I could just get in with another ‘lot.’ But it seemed fair enough; I liked Linzy, and Dan seemed pretty nice, even though I didn’t know him so well.

‘I’ll do it then,’ I said, fairly half-hearted. In truth, I was past caring.

‘Excellent,’ he said cheerfully. ‘I’ll tell you when there’s anything worth telling you. You can go now.’

I stood up. ‘Bye, Markus.’

‘Bye kid.’