Chasing Imagination

Casper

‘They gave up their rights to mercy?’ she asked, so fragile, as though she was about to crack any moment, but dangerous also. She was broken glass; ruined, but still deadly. ‘How can you say that?’ she continued. ‘Doesn’t that just make you as bad as the government who choose to lock you up for imagining things?’

That was the wrong thing to say.

‘How dare you?’ I whispered. ‘I’m not as bad as them. None of us are anything like them. What world do you think we live in?’ My voice was beginning to rise in volume.

‘A monstrous world,’ she said, her voice also rising. ‘But you told me that the Dreamers were better than everything up above. You acted as though you lot were saints among sinners! How much of a fool was I to believe that?’

‘Whatever we do, it’s not half as bad as that lot,’ I growled violently, my voice rising. I didn't want this to happen. My heart was pumping red hot blood through my veins too fast. I was full of anger.

‘How can you say that?’ she demanded in a loud cry. ‘They kill you; you kill them.’

‘The Marauders have made their choice!’ I snapped.

‘And so have the government!’ she yelled back. ‘What the fuck is the difference?’

Before I knew what I was doing, I slammed her up against the wall, holding her by the shoulders, shaking her.

‘This is not a fucking Utopia!’ I snarled, spit flying from my mouth as I shouted in anger.

All too soon, the anger passed, sending waves of guilt almost knocking me off balance. I dropped my hands from her shoulders, staggering backwards, my head throbbing and my eyes watery. But I’d done it, and I couldn’t undo it. Amy was shaking violently, her arms up in defence, tears swimming to the surface of her blotchy eyes.

I was in too deep. I was too far gone. The monster had reared.

‘I don’t know what the hell you think this place is,’ I snapped, still continuing despite the damage I had done. ‘Maybe it’s monstrous. But so is the whole damn world! What’s the difference?’

‘Exactly!’ she cried, still shaking, tears spilling from her eyes, her voice small and afraid even as she tried to argue. ‘What’s the difference between you killing a Marauder because they’ve ‘given up their rights’ and the government killing you? The Dreamers surely ‘gave up their rights’ when they chose to use their imaginations!’

I knew she was right. I just couldn’t bear it.

‘This isn’t Utopia anymore,’ I hissed venomously. ‘That world crumbled long ago. But where we are is a fucking oasis in the desert of the real world. Whatever it’s like down here, it’s worse up there!’

‘Who says?’ she challenged, the worst of her fear leaving.

I shoved her back against the wall again, her scream of fear piercing my brain.

‘Casper!’

The voice came from my left; from down the corridor.

When I saw that it belonged to Matt, I nearly lost it completely.

‘What the fuck are you—‘

His eyes were wide and his stance was defensive, almost as if he expected me to run at him.

‘Markus wants to see you,’ he said in a small voice, looking only too eager to leave. ‘You too, Amy. He says it’s urgent.’

I managed to hold it together just long enough to stride past him.

After that, I walked to Markus’s room at a brisk pace. Amy did too, but always held back, remaining a few steps behind. I was physically shaking after our argument; an argument which I feared wouldn’t heal. I had shoved her against the wall. I had shook her. I had yelled and swore in her face.

It was near enough abuse.

I hated myself. If I could have gone back to my room, I would have clawed half the skin off my body. I wanted nothing more than to repent for the atrocities I had just committed. But I couldn’t. I had to carry on, always moving forward, even though I felt like nothing more than a machine; a mere skeleton of the man with dreams and imagination that I was until recently. It was like I had been possessed by a demon or...

Or taken over by a monster. Infected by a hunger almost like bloodlust. I was a vampire, longing for blood to be spilt. It was sick.

‘Come in,’ Markus called as I knocked on the door. I moved inside, still no more than a shadow of who I once was, holding the door for Amy.

We were too far gone now for sure.

I perched on the edge of one of the rickety chairs and Amy took the one next to me, wiping her eyes subtly. I prayed Markus wouldn’t ask either of us if something was wrong...not that it was something he often did.

‘Amy, Casper,’ he said, a little ostentatiously, which meant he was in a good mood. ‘Remember what I said about Nightshade having a little mission that she wanted some of the Kingston gang to be in on?’

I was liking the sound of this less and less.

‘Yes,’ I said apprehensively.

‘Well, she wants you to complete it tonight.’

My jaw practically dropped open. That was the last thing that I wanted, and expected.

‘What?’ I asked. ‘Well, we don’t even know what it is!’

‘Why do you think I called you into the office?’ he said. ‘I’m gonna tell you all about it. That’s why all your friends were in here earlier: they’re preparing for the raid. They’re leaving in ten minutes.’

‘Seriously?’ I asked, still in shock. ‘No one told me this!’ Suddenly my heart was pounding with fear of the unknown. Nightshade could be about to ask us to do anything, and we would have virtually no choice but to comply.

Markus huffed. ‘Why would we? It ain’t none of your business.’ Fair enough, he put it as bluntly as always. ‘Listen, before I explain it all to you, you’re gonna need some more helpers.’

‘I thought you said Nightshade was sending some people in?’ Amy said. It was the first time she had spoken in here. Looking over, I realised that she’d only just had enough time to compose herself. To those who knew the truth, I noticed how her voice was a little too high and glassy, and how it cracked on the last word.

‘She was,’ Markus said, looking apprehensive. If I’d ever seen Markus look apprehensive about anything, I wouldn’t have been quite so afraid, but this was the first time he’d ever been like this. ‘But there’s been a slight problem.’

‘What?’ I asked in frustration, unable to bear the way he built up the tension as though it was a gameshow.

‘The London base; everywhere north of Waterloo; is on red alert.’

My heart all but stopped.

‘What?’ I gasped. ‘Why?’

‘What’s red alert?’ Amy asked, sensing my panic.

‘It means that the police have found them. And therefore, there’s a high chance of them getting invaded,’ Markus said.

‘What?’ Amy shrieked. ‘How?’

‘Government investigation,’ he said solemnly. ‘They had no idea about it until earlier today. But Nightshade fears they’ve been detected by the police and she isn’t letting anyone in or out.’

‘Then why are we still going ahead with this mission?’ I asked.

‘’Cause if they’ve been officially detected, then it’s even more important she gets this finished as soon as possible,’ Markus said.

‘How though?’ I asked.

‘You go up to London; the mission is in London anyway,’ he said. ‘You enter and leave through the Lower Tunnels; no other way. You do not speak to anyone.’

‘Ok,’ I said, even less sure about completing this mission than before.

‘Now,’ Markus continued, ‘because of this inconvenience, we’re gonna need more Kingston Dreamers to help out. Who d’you want? Linzy? Dan? Leah?’

‘Linzy and Dan would be fine,’ I said, ‘but shouldn’t we pick the people best for the job? Can you tell us what the job actually is?’

‘In good time, kid,’ Markus said. ‘Amy: go find Linzy and Dan. And Leah too.’

‘Leah?’ we both protested simultaneously.

‘Yeah,’ he said casually. ‘She’ll do good. Gets her out once in a while.’

I pulled a face. ‘Seriously?’

‘We ain’t got much time to plan, Casper!’ snapped Markus. ‘Just get her, Amy.’

Amy stood up. ‘Where are they?’

Markus shrugged. ‘I dunno.’

He said nothing more, so she left, shutting the door behind her. We sat in silence for several seconds until Markus decided to speak.

‘What the fuck is up with you two?’

‘I—‘ I stammered, not having expected the question, and not wanting to face it.

‘Nah, don’t tell me,’ he said briskly, ‘just sort yourselves out. You could have cut the tension in here with a knife!’

I pulled a face, feeling my cheeks burn. Had we really been that obvious?

‘Right, Casper, we need to plan,’ he said. ‘Who’s going on the Marauder raid?’

Once again, the question caught me off guard. ‘Weren’t you only speaking to them a moment ago?’

‘Only a few of them,’ he said. ‘Well, I hope there’s more going than that. And anyway, I can’t remember all of them from memory!’

I laughed at this; trust Markus.

‘Well,’ I began, thinking it through. ‘You’ve got Matt, Imogen, Felix, Wolfie, Jay, Kira, Phil...’ I trailed off.

‘Yeah, I was talking to most of them lot,’ he prompted. ‘No more?’

‘Uh,’ I fought to retrieve all the names. ‘I don’t know for sure, but I think they’re also taking Sammi, Nina, Tom, Julian, Isa...that’s all I know of. Maybe there are more.’

‘So what? You’re left with you, Amy, Linzy, Dan and Leah?’ Markus persisted, scribbling all the names that he and I had mentioned onto two crummy and slightly crumpled pieces of paper. I had no doubt they would be lost by the morning. ‘Great.’ He was being sarcastic.

‘Well, we can bring more,’ I said. ‘I don’t know how many you want. But, for instance, there’s Hayley, Sam, Olivia, Jared, Rizzo, Stephen...do you want me to continue? ‘Cause they’re all fighters, and they can all still be useful.’

‘No, no,’ insisted Markus. ‘I want as few of you gone as possible. Nightshade suggested eight for the mission; I thought less. Now that their base is on red alert, probably with ours to follow shortly, the fewer going in and out, the better. If there are less of you, you’re less likely to get detected.’

It was a fair point; five would be easier to conceal than eight. But surely if this mission contained any fighting or trying to get anything done quickly, more people would be better.

But I wasn’t in the mood for arguing tonight. I couldn’t care less about who came on our mission. Right now, my brain wasn’t in the correct setting for completing any kind of task. My mind was somewhere down the corridor, with Amy.