Chasing Imagination

Amy

Linzy was in our room when I arrived. I asked her to find Dan and then go with him to see Markus. Leah was also in her room when I got there.

‘What do you want?’ she demanded.

‘Markus wants to see you,’ I said.

‘What are you now, his messenger?’ she challenged bitterly, slipping on some shoes.

‘He wants us to go on a mission for Nightshade together,’ I said, trying to keep my tone almost as unfriendly as hers. My mind wasn’t on the task though. I was raging about Casper. How could he?

‘What mission?’ she asked, stepping towards the door.

I shrugged. That seemed to be what everyone else round here did. ‘I dunno.’

‘Well that’s good.’ As usual, Leah was sarcastic, but at least she wasn’t explosive.

It was my turn to be the volcano tonight.

We walked in silence towards the office, pushing open the door, this time without knocking. When we arrived, Linzy and Dan were already in there. They had taken the two other seats, so I stood behind them, Leah next to me, a scowl carved into her face.

‘Well, now you’re all here...’ Markus began. ‘In brief: Nightshade wants you for something. I have no fucking idea what—she refuses to tell me over the phone in case the call gets traced, so just go prepared. Their base has been detected by the government and is preparing for a potential invasion, so you’ve got to go in and out through the Lower Tunnels, and be seriously wary. She won’t let any of her lot leave, so you’ll be doing this thing on your own.’

Leah huffed. ‘You mean, this thing that we don’t know anything about yet?’

‘Yup,’ Markus said.

‘Great.’ She folded her arms, the frown lines on her forehead deepening.

‘Take bullet guns, stun guns, whatever types of guns,’ he said. ‘Don’t wear anything stupid. You know the deal now. And don’t take the overground trains up to London if you can help it; stay in the tunnels. Oh, and you’re leaving in ten minutes, so get a move on.’

It was like he had ignited a spark in the tired and resentful group of people. Linzy was first to her feet, practically dragging Dan up with her. Leah was out of the door before I had even blinked, and Casper was running a hand through his hair and taking a deep breath, saying nothing, but looking more alive than I had seen him in days.

Shame it was all an act, though.

Or maybe it wasn’t. Maybe, now he was as good as rid of me—why else would he have treated me like that, after all—he was happier. Now, he could focus on fighting and war and merciless killing rather than a pathetic, awkward half-love.

I followed Linzy back to our little room. She changed her shoes, chucking her slip-on ones over in the corner and pulling on some sturdier boots. She grabbed her jacket from the end of the bed and pulled it on over her black top, then checked her makeup in the wardrobe mirror.

I changed my shoes too, and grabbed my brown jacket. I even looked in the mirror, same as she had, wiping a telltale smudge of eyeliner from my cheek and ruffling up my hair. But it all felt like a great pretence. None of this was real; none of it was me. Most of me was gone, taken up by thoughts of Casper.

Because I still loved him. The fact that he had emotionally hurt me so much when he shouted at me was proof of that. But could I really forgive him after how he’d treated me? Maybe if it was the first time, but it wasn’t.

Linzy left before me, so by the time I exited the sleeping quarters in the direction of the foyer I was on my own. Turning a corner though, I saw Felix heading in my direction.

‘Hey Amers,’ he said.

‘Felix,’ I said, pleasantly surprised. ‘I thought you were off on your raid.’

‘Just leaving,’ he said. ‘Just got back from the armoury. Got myself a new gun! See?’ He held it in front of me as though it was a trophy prize. I shuddered just looking at it. ‘Anyways, where you off to?’ He glanced down at my jacket and boots, assuming, as anyone would, that I was heading out somewhere.

‘Err, we’re off on a mission too,’ I said, slightly surprised that he hadn’t heard about it.

‘You are?’ he asked. ‘You coming with us?’

‘No,’ I said. ‘Markus wants us to do something else...for Nightshade.’

‘Damn!’ he said enthusiastically. ‘You lot are rubbish at spreading gossip—I haven’t heard anything about this. Nightshade, huh? What is it?’

‘She won’t tell Markus over the phone apparently,’ I said, ‘she thinks it’s too dangerous. Have you heard that London is on red alert?’

‘Yeah,’ he said, momentarily serious. ‘Not good, is it? Still though, a secret mission? Damn! Looks like I picked the wrong outing to be heading off on tonight.’

I laughed slightly at the way he was playing right into everything Casper would have wanted him to say—blatantly stating how we were doing something better than Matt.

Casper.

I stopped laughing.

I walked with Felix into the foyer. I seemed to be the second of my group to arrive—Linzy was standing against the wall, examining her gun. On the contrary, a gang of more than twelve agitated Dreamers seemed to be waiting for Felix.

‘Late as usual,’ Matt groaned with a smile.

‘Trust you, Felix!’ jeered Wolfie.

There was a large group of them; larger than I’d heard about. All my close friends who weren’t on our little mission were there, and there were more too, most of them youngish, but some probably in their thirties. I recognised some—Sammi, for instance; Kira’s best friend beside Imogen, but some I didn’t even know the names of. In a way, I was glad I wasn’t part of that big team. It would be pretty intimidating, and I would surely get lost in the crowd.

But my group contained Casper. And being a smaller party meant that I had to talk to him.
That alone was enough to change my mind. Suddenly I longed to be part of the large gathering. I watched as one girl—was her name Nina?—said something and Imogen, Matt and Wolfie burst into hysterical laughter. Jay was swearing at Felix as he entered into the group and Phil punched some guy I didn’t know jokingly on the shoulder for God-knew-what reason. They looked like they were having so much fun.

And then there was me and Linzy. I had never felt like more of an outcast.

Led by Matt, the group departed after he gave a brief speech, their voices echoing out in the tunnels beyond where the base officially ended.

‘Bye!’ called Linzy. I copied. No one noticed us to answer.

Things brightened up very slightly when Dan arrived, smiling broadly at us and teasing Linzy about something. It was obviously a private joke, and I didn’t get it, but at least it eased the tension.

It then darkened again when Leah arrived, her face still made of thunder, moaning about something someone had said to her.

And it darkened further when Casper got here. Whatever he was thinking or feeling, he carefully concealed it behind a perfect mask so that I had no idea what was going on in his mind. Linzy, Dan and Leah would have no clue. It was only me that was giving away our situation.

He was carrying considerably more guns than he needed, and held one out towards me. I already had a stun gun in my belt, and I could see that this one contained bullets.

‘Just take it,’ he said in a low voice. Linzy and Dan were chatting enigmatically and wouldn’t have noticed, but I had a feeling that Leah’s eyes were fixed on us the entire time.

I didn’t want to make things any worse so I took it, snatching it slightly, and stored it in the space in my belt. I didn’t have to use it, after all.

‘Well, you guys ready?’ Casper asked, glancing round. It was a total anticlimax compared with the inspiring speech Matt had given, and the excitable cheer that had gone up like fireworks as they’d all left.

‘Yep,’ said Linzy.

‘Uh huh,’ said Leah.

And that was that. Casper crossed the room and we followed suit, all in silence. Even Linzy and Dan had stopped talking, noticing the grim mood that hung over all of us.

Out in the tunnel, beyond the base, the familiar fear gripped me by the throat. We were all at risk now. But this worry was nowhere near as strong as it once had been. That, at least, was good.

After ten minutes or more of silence, in which Casper led the way down dim corridors, sometimes with only torchlight to guide us, Linzy spoke.

‘You alright, Cas?’ she said casually, as though we had been having enthralling conversations up until this point. She was either very brave, or had no idea of the awkwardness that everyone else was feeling.

‘Yeah, fine,’ he replied, just as casual, his lie so perfectly in place. I knew what was going on, so I could detect what lay behind his words, but no way would any of the others be able to suspect anything.

‘Are we getting the underground?’ Dan asked. ‘It’s probably too far to walk all the way.’

‘Yeah, we’ll get the underground,’ Casper said.

We fell back into silence.

Walking for what truly began to feel like forever, and in silence all the time, we fell into a painful routine of swapping over the torch and taking turns to look round the corners. My feet were already aching—we must have walked a fair few miles, and always at a brisk pace—by the time we entered into a properly lit area of the subway.

‘Station’s just a couple of minutes away,’ Casper announced. This came across like good news.