Wounds That Won't Heal

“We need to talk,” Mikey said as he sat next to his boyfriend. He didn’t want to do this but he knew that he had to before he got to serious about… well, just before. He sighed again dropping his chocolate eyes from the questioning look Ray was giving him right now. There was nothing he wanted more than to melt into that embrace and feel those lips against… No, he had to do this before it could go wrong. He loved Ray too much to not protect him from something that could destroy him. “Ray, I… I…,” this was so hard. Mikey took Ray’s hands in his own and several deep breaths. “I can’t be with you anymore,” he blurted out finally and in a hurry.

Mikey never lifted his gaze but if he had he would have seen a look of almost relief flicker over the other mans face. However this then turned to a concern, “why?” was all Ray had to say after a brief moment of silence.

Mikey cringed even further as it was the one question he had been dreading, “um… Because… Because…,” he gripped at the hands he held in his and looked up. Ray needed to hear this and on top of that he deserved to, “because I think I am starting to get feelings for someone else and I don’t want you to be hurt... either of you.”

At this point Ray seemed to exhale loudly and nearly collapse on Mikey, “oh thank God!” he murmured before looking up so their brown eye’s locked. He saw the confusion dancing on Mikey’s face and he couldn’t help but smile. It had probably been the last reaction he would have expected. “I am having the same problem Mikey and… well… you got the courage to end this first and... I am just relieved that I haven’t hurt you because I love you too much to just turn you away.”

Now it was Mikey’s turn to look relieved, “then this is more of a mutual thing and not just me?” he asked and Ray nodded. Mikey hugged Ray, a gesture readily echoed by the other man. “I knew there was a reason I loved you!” he said and then a silence fell on the men locked in a tight embrace. “You know I love you, right?” Mikey whispered at length. “I just can’t be with you and her at the same time.”

“I love you too and always will,” Ray replied as he released Mikey from his arms. He stood and stepped away, “that is why... and that is why I need to leave the band.”

“Oh no, oh no Ray… you… you can’t,” Mikey was up in seconds and held Ray’s arm, “you love this bad and we need you.”

Ray smiled gently, “you don’t need me here and I can’t watch you hurting. This is your brother’s band so you should stay. I will find something else Mikey, don’t worry about me.”

“I don’t want to see you hurting either Ray and so… Is there no other way?”

Ray shook his head and bit his lip, “I can’t see another way Mikey,” he was close to tears because the band was everything to him ad e didn’t want to go. Mind you, he didn’t want to see Mikey every day and share space. He had someone else and so did Mikey but he couldn’t be reminded of the love that they once shared. Both men held each other in a final embrace.

Mikey looked over at Ray who was playing the guitar and sighed. Alicia was by his side and he knew he had done the right thing. Part of him though still yearned for that strong embrace. Ray had Christine now and he felt a small flicker of jealousy whenever he saw them together. Wrong, wrong, wrong! Ray had been right about this hurting, maybe he should have let him go after all. The five of them just seemed so right though and everything just worked so well on stage. He turned his attention to the game in front of him and forget the man he had once loved.