Wounds That Won't Heal
Chapter eleven
*TIME ELAPSE*
“Gee, you are missing the point!” Mikey huffed as he flapped his arms at his brother, “Alicia wants to get married like… now and I have agreed. I am just panicking now I guess because it will mean leaving the tour for a while.”
Gerard frowned, “I get it Mikey you have told me enough times to ensure that. I support it because you shouldn’t start married life on tour and you deserve to be happy. Both of you,” Mikey sighed and sat down, shaking his head sadly “that wasn’t what you wanted me to say?” the older brother questioned as he went to sit beside Mikey, “you wanted me to oppose the idea?”
“Well… no, not oppose exactly but… maybe?” Mikey ran his hand through his hair and sighed again although this time it was with confusion, “it is just so rushed and she pressured me into this whole thing. I just said yes because I panicked over losing her and… well… Gee, am I doing the right thing?”
“I can’t answer that for you, you know that right?” Gerard tapped his younger brother’s chest, “the answer to that is in your heart and only you know what it is telling you. I mean, do you love her?”
“With all I have,” was the easy reply, “but I just… I don’t know what the doubt is but it is there and it is shadowing my every thought. Gee, I don’t want to jump into this only to watch it all spiral out of my control. I don’t want to hurt her but I am so afraid that I will do just that because…,” his voice trailed away and his head dropped into his hands with a moan of despair.
“Why would you hurt her?” Gerard asked as he placed a hand on his brother’s back. He was sure that he already knew the answer but he wanted to hear Mikey say it. Well, not say it, more like admit it. Mind you, he didn’t like seeing his brother go through it in this way, “Mikey?”
Mikey looked up into those hazel eyes, his own full of inner pain, “she… her actions are going to take me away from Ray and I jest don’t know how I m going to cope with it,” he returned his head to his hands, “I just don’t know what I feel anymore and to be honest it scares me. Well, that’s a lie because I do know how I feel and that is that I love him. I love them both and can’t choose between them but that is what Alicia is making me do.”
Gerard was unsure what to say or do at that moment. He was glad that Mikey was admitting, maybe even to himself that Ray was becoming an issue. Still, part of him had been hoping that he was wrong about the two, “I think that you should talk to…”
“Please don’t say Alicia. I mean, oh, hi sugar, you know what? I might be gay.. So, when’s the wedding?”
“Don’t word it quite like that Mikey but... She deserves to know about this one. You should talk to Ray about this too I mean, he is involved.”
Mikey moaned again, “it’s all such a mess. I mean, he has a girlfriend and so do I. We have moved on and… what if it just me who wants to go back? I can’t tell him that I do because I don’t even know if it is true!”
“You need to work it out Mikey and I can’t help you decide who you love more. You have to choose for everyone’s sake, especially your own.”
“I know; I just don’t know how.”
“Gee, you are missing the point!” Mikey huffed as he flapped his arms at his brother, “Alicia wants to get married like… now and I have agreed. I am just panicking now I guess because it will mean leaving the tour for a while.”
Gerard frowned, “I get it Mikey you have told me enough times to ensure that. I support it because you shouldn’t start married life on tour and you deserve to be happy. Both of you,” Mikey sighed and sat down, shaking his head sadly “that wasn’t what you wanted me to say?” the older brother questioned as he went to sit beside Mikey, “you wanted me to oppose the idea?”
“Well… no, not oppose exactly but… maybe?” Mikey ran his hand through his hair and sighed again although this time it was with confusion, “it is just so rushed and she pressured me into this whole thing. I just said yes because I panicked over losing her and… well… Gee, am I doing the right thing?”
“I can’t answer that for you, you know that right?” Gerard tapped his younger brother’s chest, “the answer to that is in your heart and only you know what it is telling you. I mean, do you love her?”
“With all I have,” was the easy reply, “but I just… I don’t know what the doubt is but it is there and it is shadowing my every thought. Gee, I don’t want to jump into this only to watch it all spiral out of my control. I don’t want to hurt her but I am so afraid that I will do just that because…,” his voice trailed away and his head dropped into his hands with a moan of despair.
“Why would you hurt her?” Gerard asked as he placed a hand on his brother’s back. He was sure that he already knew the answer but he wanted to hear Mikey say it. Well, not say it, more like admit it. Mind you, he didn’t like seeing his brother go through it in this way, “Mikey?”
Mikey looked up into those hazel eyes, his own full of inner pain, “she… her actions are going to take me away from Ray and I jest don’t know how I m going to cope with it,” he returned his head to his hands, “I just don’t know what I feel anymore and to be honest it scares me. Well, that’s a lie because I do know how I feel and that is that I love him. I love them both and can’t choose between them but that is what Alicia is making me do.”
Gerard was unsure what to say or do at that moment. He was glad that Mikey was admitting, maybe even to himself that Ray was becoming an issue. Still, part of him had been hoping that he was wrong about the two, “I think that you should talk to…”
“Please don’t say Alicia. I mean, oh, hi sugar, you know what? I might be gay.. So, when’s the wedding?”
“Don’t word it quite like that Mikey but... She deserves to know about this one. You should talk to Ray about this too I mean, he is involved.”
Mikey moaned again, “it’s all such a mess. I mean, he has a girlfriend and so do I. We have moved on and… what if it just me who wants to go back? I can’t tell him that I do because I don’t even know if it is true!”
“You need to work it out Mikey and I can’t help you decide who you love more. You have to choose for everyone’s sake, especially your own.”
“I know; I just don’t know how.”