Wounds That Won't Heal
Chapter two
*TIME ELAPSE*
Mikey tapped on the dressing room door he knew his brother was behind and waited to be admitted. Gerard yelled out and Mikey went in to find his brother by a mirror applying make-up. “I… I am sorry to bother you,” Mikey apologised as he closed the door softly behind him. He crossed the room and watched as his brother finished. “I just need to talk to someone I guess.”
Gerard turned and looked at his brother who was fiddling with the seam of his shirt. “I am always here for you, you know that right?” he asked and Mikey nodded although he didn’t lift his head. Gerard when to his brother and wrapped him in a comforting hug, “what’s the matter?”
Mikey leant into the hug although he half wished it was Ray holding him right now. That thought was enough to drive him over the edge and he just broke down in tears. He wrapped his arms around his brother and sobbed into his shoulder, beyond words right now.
Alarmed Gerard guided Mikey so that they were sitting side by side on a small bench thing. He held Mikey while he cried rocking him gently. He really did not have a clue what this was about as nothing had gone on earlier that he knew of, “Mikey? What is it?”
“It hurts!”
“What hurts?” Gerard asked, clearly confused. He rubbed circles on his little brother back to calm him while he tried to stop the tears.
Mikey sniffed and looked up at Gerard, “Ray does,” he replied before dissolving into tears once more.
Now Gerard was really confused because they had been so close, so reluctant to harm the other. He remembered how much his brother had cried when he knew it all had to end. He remembered how Mikey hadn’t wanted to be the one to cause the pain and the agony he had been through. Ray too apparently he had learnt later. Gerard loved the girls it was true but he thought there was magic between the men and he often wondered what might have been. Ray couldn’t be causing physical pain surely? Gerard thought that if it was emotional pain it would not be deliberate. “What do you mean?” he asked in the end just so he could understand it.
“Just… him being here and… well, I thought I could handle it but I can’t,” Mikey was shaking now, the emotions threatening to overwhelm his small frame, “he is so close and yet I can’t have him and so there is all this distance created. I have put up a wall Gerard because I can’t just… forget… I can’t.”
Gerard stroked his brothers back, “you should have come to me sooner,” he said with a hint of guilt in his voice. He had noticed the distance, the fact they never touched, and the fact the two were never alone. Gerard had not seen the pain his brother was masking by his actions, “it has been five years now and you were amongst those urging him to stay.”
“I know!” came the pitiful reply, “but he sounded so good with Frank and he loves the band. I thought I could handle it, I really thought it’d be OK,” Mikey paused and sighed, “it’s not his fault that I am so weak.”
“Didn’t you speak to him about this at the time?” Gerard asked.
“Well, yes but…,” he sighed again, “but I assured him that it would all be fine and that we could move on and stay friends. I… I miss him Gee.”
“Do you… ah… Do you think you have done the right thing in letting him go?” Gerard asked quietly, wondering if this was the problem but Mikey was quick to shake his head, “then in what way do you miss him?”
“He was more than a boyfriend Gee; he was like a best friend. Ray was another you if you like and I miss that,” he shakily stood, “anyway, we have a show so I will go and clean myself up. Thanks for listening,” Mikey left leaving a worried Gerard behind him. Was there more to this and could the band take it if so?
Mikey tapped on the dressing room door he knew his brother was behind and waited to be admitted. Gerard yelled out and Mikey went in to find his brother by a mirror applying make-up. “I… I am sorry to bother you,” Mikey apologised as he closed the door softly behind him. He crossed the room and watched as his brother finished. “I just need to talk to someone I guess.”
Gerard turned and looked at his brother who was fiddling with the seam of his shirt. “I am always here for you, you know that right?” he asked and Mikey nodded although he didn’t lift his head. Gerard when to his brother and wrapped him in a comforting hug, “what’s the matter?”
Mikey leant into the hug although he half wished it was Ray holding him right now. That thought was enough to drive him over the edge and he just broke down in tears. He wrapped his arms around his brother and sobbed into his shoulder, beyond words right now.
Alarmed Gerard guided Mikey so that they were sitting side by side on a small bench thing. He held Mikey while he cried rocking him gently. He really did not have a clue what this was about as nothing had gone on earlier that he knew of, “Mikey? What is it?”
“It hurts!”
“What hurts?” Gerard asked, clearly confused. He rubbed circles on his little brother back to calm him while he tried to stop the tears.
Mikey sniffed and looked up at Gerard, “Ray does,” he replied before dissolving into tears once more.
Now Gerard was really confused because they had been so close, so reluctant to harm the other. He remembered how much his brother had cried when he knew it all had to end. He remembered how Mikey hadn’t wanted to be the one to cause the pain and the agony he had been through. Ray too apparently he had learnt later. Gerard loved the girls it was true but he thought there was magic between the men and he often wondered what might have been. Ray couldn’t be causing physical pain surely? Gerard thought that if it was emotional pain it would not be deliberate. “What do you mean?” he asked in the end just so he could understand it.
“Just… him being here and… well, I thought I could handle it but I can’t,” Mikey was shaking now, the emotions threatening to overwhelm his small frame, “he is so close and yet I can’t have him and so there is all this distance created. I have put up a wall Gerard because I can’t just… forget… I can’t.”
Gerard stroked his brothers back, “you should have come to me sooner,” he said with a hint of guilt in his voice. He had noticed the distance, the fact they never touched, and the fact the two were never alone. Gerard had not seen the pain his brother was masking by his actions, “it has been five years now and you were amongst those urging him to stay.”
“I know!” came the pitiful reply, “but he sounded so good with Frank and he loves the band. I thought I could handle it, I really thought it’d be OK,” Mikey paused and sighed, “it’s not his fault that I am so weak.”
“Didn’t you speak to him about this at the time?” Gerard asked.
“Well, yes but…,” he sighed again, “but I assured him that it would all be fine and that we could move on and stay friends. I… I miss him Gee.”
“Do you… ah… Do you think you have done the right thing in letting him go?” Gerard asked quietly, wondering if this was the problem but Mikey was quick to shake his head, “then in what way do you miss him?”
“He was more than a boyfriend Gee; he was like a best friend. Ray was another you if you like and I miss that,” he shakily stood, “anyway, we have a show so I will go and clean myself up. Thanks for listening,” Mikey left leaving a worried Gerard behind him. Was there more to this and could the band take it if so?