Sweet Children

Gerard's POV

Three weeks later.

It was still warm and I was sitting alone outside. Someone would say I'm pathetic, but I actually like this. I was writing. I just wrote words that were on my mind. How pathetic is this, I'm a boy, who is 17, and I'm writing my thoughts and this paper is almost full of Frank. Well, he's on my mind all the time! This really sucks. I don't want to like him like that. I've admitted that I'm gay, but he's just a child! He seems to be so much older than he is, but he is just 12! Almost 13, I know, but it doesn't change anything. He could have a girlfriend, or a boyfriend if he's gay, but that lucky one would be 12 or 13. Maybe 14, but not 17.
I drew something.. it was Frank, again. Sometimes I try not to think about him. I can't. I should be studying right now. I'm going to finish school in the spring. Or is it summer? I don't know, I can't think about it right now.
And then there is this thing... what am I going to do when the fall comes? I can't be here doing nothing. I want to, but I can't. There is one school, an art school. I'd like to go there, but it's in New York. So I'm not going. I could, but I can't even think about leaving Frank.

I know, it wouldn't be so bad, I could see him every weekend. And maybe he wouldn't care. But I'm so pathetic, that I need him too much. Maybe he could spend two weeks without me, but I just can't. If I can't see him today, I'm going crazy. Two days and I'm depressed and crying. Three days. I don't even want to continue anymore.

Maybe I feel like this because I'm scared of losing him. What if he finds some nice girl and wants to spend his life with her? They move away and forget me. Frank has been always there when I need him, and believe me, I need him almost all the time. He's the only one, who can make me laugh and cry, smile and think. He's been my best friend since I met him. It's always hard to let your friend go, but letting him go. I can't even think about it.

So I'm not leaving. I have to find something to do.

I had this song, Wish You Were Here by Pink Floyd, on my mind. I hummed it quietly and thought of Frank. I drew his beautiful eyes and dreamed how someday we could be something more..

"How I wish, how I wish you were here. We're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl, year after year, running over the same old ground. What have you found? The same old fears. Wish you were here..." I hummed when I heard that someone sang that song. I looked up and saw Frankie, who was smiling.

"I'm here," he whispered and hugged me.

I was still sitting on the ground and he was standing, but when he hugged me, we both fell down. He giggled and didn't let me get up.

"Frankie, I can't get up!" I whined and tried to push him away.

"Nope! You just wanted me here, so I won't leave," he smirked. How I wish you could know how right you are..

"It was just a song," I said and stuck my tongue out. He had to touch it. I shut my mouth and didn't let him touch my tongue again.

"I saw dog's shit and I touched it," he said smirking and I felt like I was going to throw up. I guess I looked like it, because he looked at me and smiled.

"I lied," he said and rested his head on my chest.. He had done it like thousand times before, but it always made me feel so weird. And good.

"Good," I whispered and heart was beating way too fast. I know he felt it and I bet he was smiling at me.

"What were you drawing?" He asked and tried to take my sketchbook. I took it before him. He pouted and I laughed at him.

"Why can't I see it?" He asked, still pouting.

"You know, there are things I want to keep my own. You're my best friend and you know more about me than anyone else, but I have to keep something on my own..." I explained. Frank looked still a bit sad, but he understood.

"Oh, now I know. You drew some gay porn, right?" He asked with a smirk.

"Frankie! When I was 12, I didn't even know about those things," I said laughing.

"I'm almost 13," he reminded and I nodded.

"Yeah, but I still didn't know," I said.

"Well you were some kind of freak." Frank said and bit my neck.

"Don't bite me! And I wasn't a freak, you are because you're talking about things like that," I said and he giggled.

"Well don't blame me, blame your brother, he's so special," he said and bit me again.

"You bite me and say my brother is special. I thought I was your best friend! Don't you like me anymore?" I pouted. He moved next to me and shook his head.

"I didn't mean it like that. I bit you, because I like you, and I'm a vampire. I said Mikey's special, because he is, but so are you. You're just different kind of special, but I like you more," he babbled and made my heart melt.

I just wished I could kiss him right now.. I can't. So I just smiled at him and hugged him again. He giggled and pushed me away playfully.

"I want to catch a star," he suddenly said and looked up to the sky.

"A star? How are you going to do it?" I asked.

"I don't know. I just want it. I want my own star," he sighed, but didn't look at me.

"I'm sorry, I can't give it to you," I said sadly and then he turned to me.

"You don't have to, you'll always be my star. You're so shining and beautiful... but you're not far away from me and that's great. I'd die if you were," he whispered.

It was the most beautiful thing someone has ever said to me. And because I'm too emotional, I felt tears in my eyes. I tried to hide them. I tried not to cry, but I couldn't help it. The tears just kept pouring. I just wished he wouldn't see.

"Are you crying?" Frank asked. I shook my head.

"No-no, I'm just.. umm.. thirsty," I explained sobbing. He moved closer and wiped my tears away.

"You're crying. Why?" He asked.

"I just... you said..." I tried to explain, but I didn't know what to say. 'You just made me fall in love with yourself.. even more than I was before'?

"What did I say? Something bad?" He asked worriedly.

"No! It wasn't bad at all, you did the opposite, you said that star -thing to me and.. No one has ever said anything like that to me before. It was so beautiful and when it was you{/i], who said it,." I said and smiled. He smiled back.

"And I meant it," he said.

"I.. I like you, Frankie," I said, still sobbing a bit. I guess this was my way to tell him I love him.

"I like you too, Gee," he said and made me feel good.

Too good, I think. He just was so close.. I had to. I had to lean closer.. and I kissed him. It was a soft kiss.
I had kissed him so many times before. I had even kissed his lips once, but he was asleep then, so I guess this was my real first kiss. And I'm pretty sure it was his too. His lips tasted so good.. he tasted so good. I wanted him more.

But then it hit me. I kissed him. I kissed Frank. A old sick teenager boy kissed a child. He looked surprised, and I didn't even have time to explain. Well, I had, but I stood up and ran away.

Soon I was at home and I noticed I didn't have my sketchbook with me. I left it there.. I'm sure Frank saw everything I've drawn and written! Just my luck.

I locked my door and sat on my bed. How was I so stupid? I was thinking. Did I ruin our friendship? I didn't mean to. Maybe Frank will understand. And what if he feels same.. no. He can't.

"Gerard!" Mikey yelled behind my door.

"Yes?" I yelled back.

"Frank is going to spend the night here, come out!" He yelled again.

No. No. I can't see him now.

"I'm feeling sick. Is it alright if I'm going to try and sleep tonight? Alone?" I asked.

"Well.. yeah. I guess it is. Weird, you have never said that before. You have been sick so many times and still you were with Frankie. Well, I hope you get better soon. Oh, and mom says the dinner is ready in 30 minutes!" He was still yelling behind the door.

"Can you tell her that I won't eat? I'm feeling very sick right now." I answered. That was true, I was feeling sick.

"Alright!" He yelled and I heard how he went away.

15 minutes later I heard how Frankie came. They were laughing with Mikey and I wanted to go and laugh with them. I couldn't. I just sat alone in my room until it was night and I didn't hear anything. I knew Frank was sleeping in the Mikey's room, which was next to mine. I got up and opened my door. Yeah, everyone was sleeping. I sighed deeply and opened Mikey's door. Mikey was snoring and sleeping on his own bed. He looked so stupid, like always. Frank didn't sleep next to him, like I expected. He always sleeps next to me.. Frank was sleeping on the couch. Yes, Mikey has his own couch in his room. I'm not jealous, I have a bigger bed.

Frank didn't make any sound. He just slept and he didn't have his shirt on. The covers covered his stomach and his legs, but I could see his chest.
No, no, no...
I was looking at my best friend and my pants were getting tighter. I looked at him one last time before I went back to my room. I didn't lock the door anymore. No one would come here, I know it. Everyone was sleeping and they think I'm sick so they'll leave me alone.
I took my shirt away, because I was going to sleep.. I was still hard. I pulled my pants away. I was naked. I took some boxers, but I didn't put them on. I'll do it later.

I went to my bed and I was touching myself.. Frank's naked chest. Frank's lips.. Frank's ass. I moved my hand lower and soon I touched my cock with my hand. I started rubbing it carefully.
Frank's smile. Frank's giggle. Frank's naked chest. Frank's ass. Frank's cock.. Frank kissing me. These pictures were on my mind and I was getting harder and harder all the time. I rubbed again. And again. Frankie, Frankie..
Then I felt this funny feeling, and I knew I was coming soon. I rubbed myself again and then I came.
I just wished I didn't scream Frank's name. That would be just... scary. I put my boxers on and fell asleep.