The Center

Frank:

‘You’ll like him,’ she said.

‘He’s a great guy,’ she assured me.

‘You’ll have tons to talk about,’ she promised.

Yeah, well, Alicia lied. Big time.

Against my own will she’d gone and set up a blind date for me with ‘some guy’ she knew. Except this ‘guy’ wasn’t a guy at all. He was a kid! An acne-ridden, barely seventeen year old who thinks that because he’s got a guitar, he’ll lead a rebellion. Not only was it somewhat pathetic and extremely annoying, it was sick and wrong too. It’s illegal, besides the fact. And even if he somewhat interested me, no way in hell was I getting mixed up in that shit!

I got roped in because she said her friend had just gone through a ‘tough break-up’ and needed me to show him that there were still ‘good guys’ out there. Why I had to be this ‘good guy’ is beyond me, but I suppose that there aren’t many outed gays in high school for her to choose from. If she had asked me first I would have shot down her offer immediately, but my little shit of a cousin had set it up before getting my permission and I didn’t want to be rude, even if it was just to some teenager.

I needed to take this kid for a ‘fun night out’, as she told me, with a wink and a nudge of the elbow. It couldn’t be that bad. A fun night for this kid should have been something along the lines of pizza and mini-golf, or some movie and I’d buy him snacks and a drink. Isn’t that what ‘dates’ are? Don’t normal kids do that anymore?

I expected a geek, to be honest, who would sit there and twiddle his thumbs and be nervous as fuck if I opened the door for him, who would blush if I looked in his direction. I expected slightly awkward conversation, maybe a little laughter. At the end of the night I'd take him home and it would all be done with. It may be a little out of my element, especially because I'm not really used to the whole dating thing, but it wouldn’t kill me, right?

Wrong.

Wrong, wrong, wrong!

In no way, shape, or form was he even pleasant; by any stretch of the imagination. I’d been given his address and was assigned by Alicia to pick him up at around seven thirty last Friday night and I planned to take him bowling. She told me that he wasn’t too tall, which wouldn’t matter to me either way, and that he had red hair, freckles and glasses. His name is Ben. I was basically looking for an eighth Weasely sibling. What I got, though, was a pudgy boy with his carrot-orange and barely red hair in his face, covering his glasses that were so big they were slightly ridiculous. He was wearing a snug band tee, whose name and logo I didn’t even recognize at all, and black skinny jeans that were too big for him in the bottom and extremely tight around the ankles, with bulky combat boots. His facial expression screamed melancholy and miserable. I wanted to leave him in his driveway and bolt before he could get into the car, but I was no punk.

Instead I smiled politely and reached out my hand for him to shake as soon as he was settled in his seat. I was rejected almost immediately with a snide scoff. Recoiling my hand back, I set my car into drive, backed out, and then we set off on our way.

I said, “I hope you like bowling, Ben!” as cheerily as I could without trying too hard not to sound fake. His reply was a sarcastic ‘Whatever.’, and I knew this kid and I just weren’t going to get along. We couldn’t possibly. It was unfathomable. And as much as I wish I hadn’t even bothered, I tried my very hardest. I went through the night opening every single door for him, only to receive and ungrateful grunt in return. I paid for his shoe rental, bought him nachos with frigan meat and cheese, and a large slushy and he didn’t even offer to share! I'm shocked I even got him off his ass to bowl! He was utterly terrible, but that didn’t stop me from encouraging him. A “Good try, Ben!” or “You’ll get it next time!” escaped my mouth more than once, I'm sure of it, but did I get any sort of feedback? Anything at all?

NO!

Thankfully I only wasted money on one hour for a lane and afterwards I was free to take him home and to do my best to forget about this whole night. I was relieved during the ride, giddy even, to finally be getting this shit back to where he belonged so that I could go crash on my couch and send a furious text message to Alicia telling her that she owed me big time!

The kicker, though, was that the one time Benny-Boy really spoke up was to ask me inside.

INSIDE!

We were sitting in his driveway, me mustering up something somewhat nice to say, and him sitting there like he did all night, and out of the blue the damn kid turns to me and invites me up to his room!

HIS FUCKING ROOM!

I threw him out of my car immediately and drove off without even checking to see if he got in all right, like I was raised to do.

To say that I was still heated by Monday morning was a bit of an understatement. I’d already left my cousin a nasty message, to which she never replied, and I fully intended to give her another personal one today during my break! I knew it wasn’t her fault that her little friend wanted to just have his way with me, but it was her fault that I had to deal with his nonsense in the first place. I wasn’t actually mad at her… but I needed someone to take my frustration out on…

I got to The Center bright and early, one of the first couple of people to arrive at work, and decided to wait up at the front desk for any early rising clients after I’d placed my labeled lunch in the staff room refrigerator. It wasn’t exactly in my job description to ‘man the desk’ but I figured it would help out Trish, the very nice lady who usually ran it, would appreciate it. I remember when I was younger and my mom brought me into work I’d always love sitting up at the front desk with the then lady, Aggie. We also didn’t have a computer attendance system, either, so she’d always let me use her pointy number 2 pencil to put a check next to every child’s name. It always made me feel so important! The same sense of importance didn’t flood back to me as I turned on the computer and its monitor, though, but I guess that’s because no one was really here yet.

No more than five minutes later, though, I saw a familiar little face that made me smile, even if I was still miffed at Alicia. Walking in, and holding an older woman’s hand, Sebastian looked much sleepier than usual. He was tugging along his trusty blanket and the older woman had his Mickey Mouse backpack swung over her shoulder. She looked tired, too. Her teased out bleach blonde hair looked messier than I think it was supposed to, and her sweatshirt and jean attire appeared to be very disheveled. I know I’ve seen her before, dropping off and picking up Sebastian, but she never looked this… off before.

“Oh, good morning!” She said, somewhat caught off guard. “You’re not Trish!” She laughed, making me grin, too.

“No, I’m just filling in for a second or two,” I replied politely. Then I looked over to Sebastian who had brought his blanket up to his nose, rubbing it softly against his skin. I expecting his gaze to be set on the floor, but was pleasantly surprised to find him blinking up at me. “Morning champ!” I greeted him. In return he yawned, which I considered an acceptable reply. The woman bent down to her knees so that she was his height and set his bag on the floor. She fussed with his hair for a second and then straightened out his already unwrinkled shirt.

“He might be a little extra tired today.” She told me, glancing over her shoulder, before focusing her attention back on the boy. “We had to bring Uncle Mikey to his check-up, didn’t we? And papa’s going to pick him up later, and then when I pick you up we’re going to get pizza for dinner!” She enthused, resting her bony hands on Sebastian’s little shoulders. His eyes showed so much love as he looked at her, but from what I could tell (because his blanket was still covering half his face) I don’t think he cracked a smile for his grandmother.

I heard her sigh before kissing his forehead, her red lipstick not even making a mark, and then heaved herself to her feet. She ran her hand over his cheek, a weak smile on her face, and then she focused back onto me. “It’s a good thing you’re here early, or else I might have had to be late for work to check him in!” She looked down at the desk, found the sign-in list, and scribbled her signature onto the page. I’d already checked the box next to Sebastian’s name, automatically putting it in the system that he was here.

“Perfect timing, I suppose!” I smiled and then got up to walk around the desk, leaving my post. I bent down next to the boy, just as his nana had minutes before, and took his backpack over my own shoulder. “You want to help me run the desk until Miss Trish gets here, little man?” I asked, hoping that maybe he’d have the desire to click the mouse’s button just as I’d loved making that lead check when I was his age. He squinted his eyes and pressed his lips together, looking as if he was contemplating whether or not it was a good idea to come over and sit on my lap. I waited patiently, and even though I knew his grandma had to go to work, I think she was curious to see what Sebastian would do, too, because she also waited. A minute passed that seemed to take a lifetime, and he was still silently undecided. I didn’t want to pressure him into anything that would make him uncomfortable, so I gave him an understanding smile and got up, giving the woman an apologetic shrug. “Maybe next time.” I said more directed towards her than him. She sighed and nodded her head. Leaning over, she gave him one last kiss, told him to be a good boy for me and then left us.

We stood there for a bit, the two of us not really knowing what to do. Time had passed, obviously, so I knew more of the staff had begun to arrive, but they were still probably chugging some coffee in the back. I stared at the front doors, my hand awkwardly rubbing the back of my neck, as Sebastian resumed rubbing his blanket against his nose and set his gaze blankly on the floor. I really wasn’t good at making small talk, especially with a four year old who didn’t really talk much to begin with. When I saw Trish walking towards us, a coffee in her hand, relief washed over me. If I was allowed to pick favorites, Sebastian would probably have to be my favorite (only because his peculiar personality intrigues me so much), but that didn’t mean I knew how to interact with him any easier. Even though I’d made so much progress with him, I have a feeling that we still have a very long way to go!

Soon enough kids started piling in, people settled into their stations, and activities began for the day. We had breakfast for anyone who hadn’t been fed, and then we went into craft time. Just like my very first day I sat with Jonathan and Ashlee and Seth was also monitoring the same table as I was. The only real difference, other than the kids I’ve come to know but don’t remember who had been there the first day, was that Sebastian had gone to another table. He was with Cora today. And, if we’re being honest here, I was a little jealous. But I suppose I might have been too forward for his liking and comfort this morning. I’d gotten passed my envy, though, and got through the first half of the morning unfazed. It wasn’t until naptime that I thought about busting Alicia’s butt again! Sadly enough, I wasn’t even really mad anymore. Just a little… peeved. But not angry.

The toddlers had been laid down to rest and I was set free to go into the break room to eat my vegetarian lunch, sip on some yummy Diet Coke and then rationally tell my cousin that her friend is a twat who really needs to get a life. And I was about to do that, too as I’d heated my food and gotten out all the necessary utensils before settling myself into the couch, until Abbey tapped me on the shoulder, looking a little distressed.

“Uh, Frank, Cora said she needs you…” she told me, looking annoyed. She always annoyed me.

“She… needs me?” I questioned. Cora knew I was on my break, and it’s not like I wasn’t willing to help, but why me specifically?

“I don’t know, she just told me to get you! She’s in the nap room.” Abbey rolled her eyes at me and then dragged her feet back to where she came from, expecting me to follow. And with my furrowing eyebrows, I did, setting my food on the counter before I left. On my way I took a peek into all of the different rooms, and in the first I’d seen Bob carefully rocking an infant in his arms, which made me smile. Then in another room, I’d found where Alicia was, watching ‘Aladdin’ with the older kids. She’d gotten away this time, but next time she couldn’t be so sneaky!

My stomach was starting to rumble, and I was thinking up complaints and excuses so I was allowed to go back to my meal. I’d had breakfast, but nothing extravagant. Poptarts definitely weren’t enough to fill this growing boy up! That vegetarian Panini sounded mouthwatering, but I knew thinking about it wouldn’t really help out my situation.

I first heard the child’s wailing outside the entrance, and I hesitated. I’d never dealt with real crying before. Mere crocodile tears for paper cuts or not being the line leader was nothing, but this sounded like something serious. Did Cora actually want me to console someone? Or maybe she wanted me to cover for her while she comforted them. Not knowing made me nervous.

“It’s okay, honey, he’s on his way. He’s coming, shhh.” I could hear my mother’s hushed voice as I weaved my way through the cots on the floor in the dark room. Some children were sitting up, sleepy-eyed, while others somehow had managed to fall asleep. Abbey had disappeared to somewhere and I didn’t realize it but my feet lead me to find both Cora and my mom sitting on their knees next to a cot that Sebastian was fussing on with panicked looks on their faces. As soon as Cora saw me, she popped up and put her hand over her heart.

“Thank god you’re here. Sebastian’s been freaking out ever since we tried to put him down for a nap. He’s never done this before! I asked if he needed to use the bathroom, or if he wanted a stuffed animal, or if he’d left his blanket in the other room but he just kept crying! I didn’t know what to do, you know? So I got Linda. But he doesn’t want her either.” She whispered, quite obviously shaken up. I stared wide-eyed at the scene in front of me as she told me this, confused as to what may be wrong with the boy.

“Wow. Uh, I got this if you guys want to, uhm, take him out there to get him ready for his dad.” I told her after a minute, my hand making it’s way to the back of my neck like it had earlier this morning. I felt a little better knowing that after they’d left I would only have to be on nap duty, as I’d done before so many times before. With any other kid I could probably hit myself in the head or pretend to slip and fall, they’d laugh, and it would be all-better. But Sebastian just wasn’t any other kind of kid. The only noise he’s made was barely above a whisper, and the only emotion I’ve seen were smiles that one could barely recognize if they weren’t looking hard enough. Him crying loud enough to keep half the room awake was BIG.

“Well, no. He… he wants… you…” She said, almost unsure. I furrowed my eyebrows and looked over towards Cora, who was biting her lip, staring up at me.

“What?” I asked, stunned.

“He’s been asking for you. All he keeps saying is ‘Frankie, Frankie,’ so I had Abbey come and get you. I… don’t know how you’re going to fix it, but… Maybe if he sees you… he’ll calm down…” she tried to reason.

Me?

Sebastian’s been asking for me?

“Are you sure? He’s not saying ‘Daddy’ or something? Why… why would he want me?”

“We’re positive. Now please, please go try!” She begged, pushing me over towards my mom and the curled up, crying little boy. My presence caused my mom look up at me and I could see the relief in her eyes almost immediately.

“I’m going to get up for a second, I’ll be right back okay sweetie?” She told Sebastian, but he wasn’t listening. He continued to wail, and now that I was closer I could faintly hear his muffled whispers of what sounded like my name. “Other than not letting either of us hug him, he’s been ignoring Cora and I for the past ten minutes. He just keeps saying your name. I need you to somehow get him out of here and into his regular room so we can get these kids to sleep. After I’ll call his dad and ask him to come down here as soon as possible.” She said quickly and pushed me towards him just as Cora had before.

“But, I-“ I began to try to explain that I had absolutely no idea what to do, but was cut off by my mother.

“Frank, please. This may sound like a request, but it isn’t. I don’t know what else we can do. You’re our last resort. Please.” She told me and then went over to Cora and started whispering. I gulped and lowered myself down slowly, putting my hand down on his cot for support. I reached out to put my hand on his shoulder, but then I remembered what my mom said and I didn’t want to touch him. I didn’t want to scare him.

“H-hey champ,” was the first thing I mustered out. He didn’t seem to notice me. I shifted and cleared my voice. “Sebastian, it’s Frankie… Could… could you tell me what’s wrong?” I tried a little bit louder. He stiffened but other than that nothing happened. I know I’m supposed to take him to the other room, but I didn’t know how to get him there. If he wouldn’t sit up and look at me then there was no way he’d get up and walk over to the toddler room with me. An idea flashed across my brain, and I took a deep breath before going through with it.

I pushed myself off of the cot, not relying on it any longer for support, and then got into a squatting position. I’m sure he and I winced at the same time as I scooped him up in my arms and hauled the two of us out of one room and into the next. I expected him to start kicking and punching and screaming at me. I honestly expected to see him react like any other child would have. And instead, I felt his little body cling to me with all of his might, his precious blanket stuck in between the two of us. The salty tears he cried temporarily stained my work shirt, and I could feel him sniffling against my chest. I tried to set him down once we got to the tables in the Toddler Room, but he clutched onto my shirt and his petit legs wrapped themselves around my middle as far as they could reach. Seth brought a cot into the room and set it down next to us, throwing me a sympathetic smile, and then left me alone in the room with a now silently sobbing Sebastian.

I was finally able to untangle his legs from my body about eight minutes later but as soon as I sat down they found their way back and rested his flushed face into the crook of my neck. His sobbing was slowly disappearing, and I could hear him concentrating on evening out his breathing. For some reason I felt like rocking us would be a good thing to do. I could hear my own voice shushing him in between humming a random tune. It was kind of like my subconscious kicking in, my own personal kid-care-instincts. I suppose being Linda Iero’s son I was bound to have them within me, but I never imagined I’d have to really use them until I had my very own kids. I knew teaching kids would call for soothing sometimes, but I don’t think it would ever be anything this personal.

When Sebastian finally fell asleep in my arms, I got up and laid him down on his cot, taking his blanket out of his grip and spread it over him. His serene expression was totally lost in my eyes, though, because I don’t think I could ever forget how disturbed this little boy just acted. His one extreme of absolute silence went to another that was the complete opposite and a full jump out of normality for everyone at The Center who knew him.

“How’d you do it?” A voice asked that made me jump. I turned to find my mom leaning in the doorway with a soft smile on her face. I gave her a weak half smile as I ran my fingers through my slightly sweaty hair.

“Well, it wasn’t easy, that’s for sure.” I chuckled, pulling out the child-sized chair I was sitting on before resting down Sebastian so I could take a seat again. Mom entered the room, making her way toward me, and folded her arms over her chest.

“I’m proud of you, Frank. You faced that situation like a grown man and you succeeded.” She said, her gentle smile turning into a grin. Instead of comforting me, though, I felt more uneasy.

There hadn’t been a verbal explanation of Sebastian’s attachment towards me, but I suppose it’s normal for children to develop a love for their outside caregiver. What I couldn’t justify was my love for this little guy. And it wasn’t a creepy pedophiliac type of love, either. Please, please don’t get me wrong. But holding him in my arms today, having him close to me, and knowing that I was the person who was calming him and relieving whatever stress he was going through made me feel important. I felt needed. And it was a different type of need that came off from my mom, or from Ray or Alicia, too. It was something totally different that I couldn’t even begin to describe.

And I was scared.