The Center

Frank:

August has always been my least favorite month, ever since I was a kid.

For one, it was much too hot. The air is so humid that my clothes always stick to me, and my hands and feet get all clammy. It’s hardly even bearable to go outdoors, especially if you don’t have a pool like me. I can never sleep in anything more than boxers, if I ever fall asleep that is. It wouldn’t be a problem other than the fact that I occasionally wake up with a tent pitched, which I do not want my mother seeing!

Another reason is the fact that once August hits, you know the summer’s over. It’s like your very last chance to do what you want when you want before you have to get your ass back in gear and get ready for the torture chamber known as education. It’s an indicator that you need to buy all new school supplies and fuss over special ‘first day’ outfits and worry about who’s in your classes this upcoming year; unless you’re in my boat, because then the question is more about who you’re going to room with. And now that Ray won’t be going to college any longer, I’ll have to go through the process of meeting someone and trying to make a new friend.

The latest reason I have to add to my surprisingly short list of hate, though, is that I have to leave The Center to go back to college.

I’ve got to leave Seth and Abbey, little Ashlee and Jonathan. Cora and I had become friends, but we wouldn’t get to work together or see each other every day anymore until the next summer. Bob and Ray had gotten closer, so there hadn’t been a loss with him, and Alicia was family so I obviously saw her all of the time, but it wouldn’t be the same.

Not to mention I wouldn’t be able to see Sebastian anymore. It made me really upset to think about.

Today’s my last day.

Today’s the last day that I’ll be putting on my light blue work shirt and pairing it with my camouflage shorts. For the last time since I’d gotten a hair cut that I’ll be spiking my bangs out of my face and sliding on my worn and ratty Chuck Taylor’s. I’m bringing in my guitar case, for the last time, and I’ll sing a song because it’s my turn to perform in music hour. It’ll be the last time I make any arts and crafts, or get to color with any crayons or even sneak a nap in during naptime.

It’s the last day to squeeze in all of these things before I go back to college.

It’s the last time until next summer.

Not being able to force myself to put on a happy face, I let out a heavy sigh before getting out of my car. I wasn’t early today, but I wasn’t late, so it didn’t matter. I told myself that I should probably be cherishing every second I had left, that I should probably be making the most of this final day, but instead all I could do was dread. I lugged in my instrument and set it in the back, signed myself in and pinned on my nametag. I huffed out to the toddler room, already starting to sweat even if the air conditioning was probably up at full blast.

“Mr. Frankie, you look like you could use a big hug!” A little girl I’d referred to as Little Leah questioned me, seeming extremely concerned. Somehow a smile found it’s way to my face as a crouched down so that Little Leah could wrap her little arms around me. And for a little girl, she sure did give great big hugs!

“Thanks so much, Leah! That’s greatest, biggest hug I’ve had all day!” I exclaimed, enthusiasm making it’s way to my vocal cords. When I pulled away she had on a huge grin, which made me feel better.

The thought that maybe my day wouldn’t end up so bad after all was just wishful thinking. Leah’s hug had literally been my one and only highlight. A real smile never got the chance to return to my face.

It turned out that Sebastian wasn’t coming in today, his grandmother called him out sick. Not only would I leave this place without a proper goodbye from a kid I’ve grown so fond of this summer, but the poor little guy was sick, too? That left me with an unexplainably awful feeling. And to top that awful feeling, right in between lunch and naptime, a boy named Zach threw up all over my work shirt, leaving me with nothing but a see-through undershirt that enhanced an uncomfortable sensation.

A bug must be going around.

Bob was scheduled to be off work today, against his own will as usual, and Alicia had somehow managed to escape during lunchtime so I was all alone, as Cora was on nap duty whenever I wasn’t. No one had made me a picture today, and no one had asked to play with puppets or dress up or even pretend. No one even wanted an encore during music hour. It’s like they didn’t even know I was leaving.

It’s like they didn’t even care. None of them; not my co-workers, the kids, or even my mom, no one showed any emotion other than normality.

Was I daft to actually assume that during craft time someone would have the kids make me cards, or that maybe someone would have gotten cupcakes for lunch time or something?

Was it because maybe I was just so horrible that no one would miss me or want me back?

When I’d finally left at the end of the workday, I felt somewhat paranoid and a little bit of a basket-case, on the ride home.

Maybe they forgot? Maybe some of them didn’t even know? It’s not like I was the first to go back to college after a summer job, and I wouldn’t be the last. It wasn’t like this sort of thing never happened to the people of the rest of the world. Really, there was no reason for anyone to be frantic because I wouldn’t be here any longer. Other than my very small breakthroughs with Sebastian, I wasn’t vital in any way. For company purposes, I was another willing mind and body to put up with an assortment of children, and for my own purposes I was there to solely gain experience. Not to get completely attached.

Not remembering until I exhaled, I let out a heavy sigh as soon as I’d parked my car in the driveway and I felt a slight sensation of déjà vu. I unbuckled my seat belt and unlocked the doors before shoving mine open, letting my left leg spread and my foot to try and reach the solid pavement outside. I’d killed the radio as soon as I set off from The Center, but I still haven’t felt a sense of peace.

Giving into my very bad but only an every-so-often addiction, I leaned over and pulled open my glove compartment, snatching my cheap lime green lighter and a pack of Marlboro Red’s. One would do the job.

I didn’t particularly like the fact that I smoked. It’s a dirty habit I picked up in high school and I’ve yet to kick it. I only let myself light up if I’ve had a really bad day, and the last time I inhaled a cancer stick was right after Greg stomped all over my heart and kicked me to the curb.

I never told anyone about what I did, it was like I was ashamed of myself almost. I’d Fabreeze wherever I’d last smoked and then brush my teeth, gargle with mouthwash, pop in a stick of mint gum and then change my clothes. By now my mom might have been suspicious of my laundry or my fresh breath at random times, but I’ve tried my very best not to do it if I knew I’d be around her. It just didn’t make me feel like a good kid, y’know? I know my mother knows that I’m no angel, but this wasn’t one of the devilish traits I’d want her to know about either.

Once I’d finished, I cleaned up after myself and made sure I left absolutely no trace of a cigarette ever being within the vicinity of my mother’s home by flushing the bud and the ashes down the toilet. I grabbed a fresh pair of pajamas, only after spraying my already puke-contaminated clothes with cologne. I scrubbed my mouth until my tongue was all tingly and my breath felt icy cold when I tested it against my hand. After I felt satisfied that there was no suggestion of my compulsion I shrugged off my paranoia and decided to unwind a little with my guitar. Playing it today for the kids didn’t feel as satisfying as it usually did but right now I couldn’t think of anything else I’d rather be doing.

I didn’t even know my mom had come home until she’d came up stairs to ask me if I wanted dinner, just like she used to when I was a kid. I ate with her, not being able to resist her vegetarian lasagna, and we ended up watching What’s Eating Gilbert Grape together.

When I was little I always used to sit and watch that with my dad.

I took a shower when the film ended and then didn’t bother to finish fumbling around with my guitar afterwards, I ended up passing out in my underwear and on top of my damp towel on my bed with my room light still on. I was soundless the whole night, not even remembering my dreams, and when I woke up I felt a little better about school.

I didn’t feel so miserable.

I’d moped around for the rest of my week, doing my necessary school shopping on my own. I’d missed the deadline to choose my own roommate, so they would be selected for me at random, but the funk I was in didn’t give me enough motivation to care.

I really missed those kids.

I missed human interaction in general, actually.

Founding, owning and running one’s own day care never left any leeway or time off, so spending time with my mother the last week I’d be living at home was out of the question. I’d tried to call Ray up a couple of days ago to maybe have a movie night or go out for a bite to eat but he’d sheepishly revealed that he and Bob were going off together and I honestly couldn’t blame the guy. He was finally going after something he wanted and not something his old man demanded of him! Cora had invited me out for drinks with her and her boyfriend, but I never enjoyed being a third wheel. I’d hung out with Alicia a couple of times, but she was being extremely sneaky lately. She claimed to have plans tonight with ‘friends’, but I had a feeling that a new boy had been thrown into the mix that she wasn’t telling me about. Usually I’d play the annoying and nosy older cousin role and go spy on her, but I wasn’t even in the mood for that!

I felt pathetic.

I was much too restless to sit at home and do nothing, but I didn’t feel like doing anything else either. Really, what could a guy go out and do by himself? Every activity for a night life was couple or group based unless you wanted to be labeled a creep and I don’t think my ego could take a low blow right now. During the day time everyone else I knew was working, and it wasn’t like I could waltz into any of their businesses and annoy them to occupy my time.

Thank god there was only one more week.

I knew I was being ridiculous about absolutely nothing, and that as soon as I settled into my dorm and got all my classes straightened out that I’d go back into the swing of things and be as good as new. I wasn’t worried about making new friends because I’ve always at least held a friendly acquaintance with people, and the academics never really phased me. It at least gave me something to do, something to focus on.

Without anything I was sure to go positively bonkers.