Sister of Syn

My feet carried me straight to Brian and Jeanie's room. I knocked on the door.

"We don't want any!" Brian called jokingly.

"Bri!" Jeanie scolded with a giggle. I heard her footsteps approaching the door. She pulled it open and a welcoming smile lit her features. "Hi, Melia." Then, she noticed my expression and her smile vanished. "Sweetie, are you okay?"

At the sound of her worried tone, Brian hurried to where we were still standing in the doorway. "Melia?"

"I need to talk to you," I said.

Concern filled his eyes. He ushered me inside and Jeanie closed the door.

"What's wrong?" Brian asked.

I shot Jeanie an apologetic glance. "Umm...I would really rather have this conversation alone."

Jeanie looked at Brian and he shrugged. "Okay. I'll be with Mickie and Johnny," Jeanie said, retrieving her cell. She cast one last worried look my way and left.

"What's wrong?" Brian asked again. "Did Zacky do something?" He cracked his knuckles as if he was already imagining kicking Zacky's ass.

"Zacky is in our room with Kristy and Jimmy." I paused and met his eyes. "They're shooting heroin."

Brian's face was suddenly devoid of all emotion. "You're upset about Zacky's drug use? I thought you knew--"

"I did know," I interrupted. "About Zacky and Jimmy. But they seem to think that someone else I know uses drugs."

There was silence for the space of a heartbeat, then "Who?"

"You."

"Me?" Brian echoed.

"Bri." I took a deep breath and braced myself for what I had to ask. "Do you use heroin?"

He didn't answer for several minutes, which was answer enough for me. "Yes," he said finally. The word was spoken so quietly I barely heard him.

My throat and nose burned with tears. "And cocaine?"

He nodded.

Hugging myself, I turned away from him. "How could you?"

"Melia--"

"You promised, Bri!" I shouted. "You fucking promised that you wouldn't! You know how easily you get addicted to things. Or did you just conveniently forget that you chain smoke and that you're a borderline alcoholic?"

"I'm not addicted to heroin or cocaine," he said. "I don't use either drug often. I don't like coke that much, and heroin..."

"You don't use heroin a lot because it's harder to get."

Brian hesitated, then nodded.

"I know because Zacky acted like it was the Holy Grail when Jimmy showed up with..." I trailed off, realization stopping my words. I faced Brian again, eyes wide. "He brought you some first, didn't he?"

Brian wouldn't meet my gaze.

"Where is it?" I demanded.

His mouth tightened in an angry, sullen line.

"Where. Is. It?" I repeated slowly.

Eyes on the floor, he pointed to the bedside table. I stalked over to it and jerked open the drawer. There were two needles next to the phone book. I picked one of them up.

"What are you doing?" Brian queried.

I held my arm out. "Seeing what the big deal is."

He rolled his eyes. "Don't try to bluff me. You're scared of needles. You won't do it." But he didn't sound completely sure.

I placed the point of the needle at the bend in my arm where I could clearly see a vein.

"No!" Brian's voice was sharp with anger and fear.

"Why not? You like it. I want to see why it was worth breaking a promise to me."

"It's fucking heroin, Melia. Don't do this."

"Yeah, it's fucking heroin, Bri!" I was practically screaming, tears streaming down my cheeks.

"I'll quit!" Brian said desperately, dark eyes glassy with tears. "Please, tiddlywink. Just give me the needle."

"Will you really quit?"

"Yes. I'll give these back to Jimmy and I'll never touch the stuff again."

"Okay. But I want to be there when you give it back." I dropped the needle back in the drawer.

"You think I'm lying to you now? You think I'm gonna wait until you're gone and use it?" His voice was indignant.

"You've lied before," I pointed out. "How am I supposed to trust you?"

He frowned. "I'm really sorry, tiddlywink."

I walked over and hugged him. "I forgive you for using. But it's gonna take time for the rest."

He squeezed me tightly. "I know."

I rested my head against his chest. "I love you, Bri."

"I love you, too," he murmured. "And I promise I'm going to quit."

*****

I stayed with Brian and Jeanie that night. I didn't want to go back to a room full of fucked up people, one of them the boyfriend I had slapped and called a liar. The next morning, Brian and I went to Kristy and Jimmy's room. Brian handed over the heroin, announcing to Jimmy and Kristy that he was quitting.

We were on our way to my room so I could get my things when I saw Zacky. He and Shads were loading their stuff onto the tour bus. They were talking and laughing.

"Go talk to him," Brian advised. "I'll get your shit."

I flashed him a grateful smile and hurried down to the parking lot.

"Hey, Baby Gates!" Shads called in greeting, spotting me first.

The laughter faded from Zacky's face.

"Hi, Shad-Man," I responded. "Um, can I borrow Zacky for a second?"

"Take him. Please," Shads joked. "And can you lose him? We don't want him back."

I laughed and looked at Zacky. "Talk to me?"

He nodded. I led the way to the back room on the bus. Zacky stayed against the door, arms crossed over his chest. "Well?"

"You and Jimmy were right," I told him. "I'm sorry for my reaction. It's just...Brian promised me he'd never do that shit. Anyway, I'm sorry I slapped you."

"I don't give a damn about that," he said. "I'm pissed off because you called me a liar."

"I didn't want to believe--" I started.

"I know you didn't," he cut in. "But when have I ever lied to you?"

I bit my lip and said nothing.

"Melia." His face and his voice were gentle. He came to me and took my hands in his. "I was always the one who treated you like an equal instead of like a little kid. Right?"

I nodded.

"And I've always dealt with you like an adult," he continued. "There's nothing I've hidden from you because I thought you were too young to take it. I've been honest from square one."

I nodded again.

"So trust me when I tell you things," he urged. "And...don't be too hard on Brian. I know he lied to you, but you've got to understand the way he views it. He didn't lie to you just to be dishonest; he lied to protect you. That makes it okay in his opinion. He just wants to keep you safe."

I sighed. "I know. You're right. But it still hurts to know he lied, no matter what the reason is."

Zacky hugged me. "He'll eventually realize that it's better to just be open and honest with you. Give him time. He has made some progress in the way he treats you. I mean, he let us be together."

I smiled. "Yeah. And thank God for that."

Zacky smiled back. "Thank God." He kissed me tenderly, and there was something different about it. Something that I couldn't quite place my finger on, so I pushed it to the back of my mind and just focused on how great his kisses felt.