The Little Things Give You Away

“You’re new here, right?” the girl who sat down next to me asked in a chirpy voice.

“Erm, yeah,” I told her, looking down at the table still. I wasn't in the mood for talking much at the moment though. I understand that Matt has other friends and I really don’t mind him sitting with Nate instead of me, it’s just today I feel like I really need someone I trust with me. Not because I want to speak to him, but because I just want someone to be at my side if I get upset or something. I know today is going to be hard for me, so it’d be helpful if I had Matt with me I guess.

I looked up at her for a second. Her hair was amazing. I have to point this out because, well, it was blue. I really didn't expect to see that if I'm honest with you.

“I'm Ashley,” she told me, holding out her hand. She seemed like she really wanted to get me to talk to her. I'm not usually this antisocial; I'm just not in the mood for any of this right now.

I must sound so pathetic. I'm feeling down and I'm doing whatever I can to keep it that way. I should brighten up a little. Smile or something.

“Riley,” I smiled forcefully as I shook her hand.

“So where did you move from Riley?” she asked me.

She likes to speak now does she? It looks like I'm going to have to put in some effort and try to be nice. Maybe it’ll keep my mind of some things.

“Madina High,” I told her, shrugging my shoulders.

It was counted as a pretty posh place and seeing as here is a bit of a dump she’ll probably pretty shocked that I came here after being there.

“Wow,” she gasped. “Why did you leave that place?” she asked me.

“Got expelled,” I mumbled, feeling a bit ashamed of myself really.

“What did you do?” she asked me, sounding more interested now.

I shook my head at her and chuckled to myself.

“I’d rather not say to be honest,” I grinned.

It was kind of embarrassing for me to talk about it really. It wasn't something I wanted to do. I was just upset and with a bad crowd who might have persuaded me to take some stuff that I probably shouldn’t have. I then did some stupid things and then something that I know I definitely regret doing. I’d rather not go back there to be honest.

“Ah go on,” she said, poking me slightly and laughing as I chuckled at her.

“I got high and lashed out at a teacher,” I told her, shrugging my shoulders and trying to act like it was nothing.

She stared at me like I was crazy and gave me an ‘are you serious?’ kind of look. I nodded at her, making sure she knew I wasn't just messing about.

“I really can’t imagine you attacking some teacher,” she told me, tucking some of her hair behind her ear and ignoring the fact that I told her I got high.

“I can’t either really,” I admitted. “Apparently it was pretty funny, I doubt the teacher found it as amusing though.”

“I agree with you on that,” she said with a raised eyebrow. “I thought you were going to be some goodie-two-shoes you know,” she laughed. “I mean, I know you were with that Matt Philips guy a lot yesterday, but I thought you’d be...well different.”

Without even thinking I nodded my head at her. I’ve heard about Matt’s reputation here and I’ve changed from being like that. I am a good kid now, but I suppose if she knew everything about how I was at my old school, she might even call me worse than Matt.

Sometimes I find it funny when people talk about Matt around me. They don’t know how well we know each other and they’re always telling me that I shouldn’t really hang around him. If they knew him like I did though, they’d understand that he’s a great guy, he’s just a little misunderstood.

“People can change,” I told her. “I was really bad at my old school, but here, I'm trying to start over, you know.”

“New school, new start,” she smiled.

“Exactly.”

When form was over I actually felt like I’d managed to make a friend here. Ashley seemed like a really nice girl and she’d managed to take my mind off everything with mum, which is pretty impressive don’t you think. She cheered me up and I suppose I'm glad I ended up next to her. Matt should be able to spend time with his other friends and I should be okay with that. I don’t know if I am though...

The bell rang at the end of form and I had to go to first lesson. Luckily Ashley said she had the same one as me so she showed me the way. I didn't wait for Matt though, I'm not too sure why, but I think if he didn't want to spend time with me when I needed him, he might not want to now either. Stupid idea? Probably.

“Prepare yourself for the most boring lesson ever,” Ashley said as we walked into the maths room.

I’ve never liked maths. I’ve never really been good at it either. Trying is something that I struggle to do when I have to do something I don’t really want to be doing. Effort only gets put into stuff that I really want to do these days...and nothing else. I can’t try if I don’t like what I'm doing.

When the bell rang for break I started wondering about where I should go. Yesterday me and Matt just hung out all over the place so I’ve got no idea where I should meet him, if he actually wants to see me at all I guess.

Ashley went off with some of her friends so I was on my own again really, just walking around the school, hoping to find Matt. My searching was kind of useless though. I didn't know where I was and even if I did, I have no idea what lesson he’d just had seeing as I didn't wait for him in form, so the chances I’d see him in a random corridor were very slim.

A smile came across my face when I saw someone familiar. It wasn't Matt but it was someone close to him. At first I went to call him Joe, seeing as I'm used to doing that when I go over to Matt’s, but then I remembered we were at school and decided to go with something more appropriate for here instead.

“Hey Sir,” I said to get his attention.

He turned to face me, at first looking like he didn't recognize me, but he then smiled and I assumed he remembered who I was. I'm not sure how he could forget me really. I’ve been to Matt’s house so many times now...

“Oh hi Riley,” he laughed. “I didn't see you last night,” he said, raising an eyebrow.

I nodded at him, assuming he was talking about how I used to spend practically every night around theirs.

“You’re a runner aren’t you?” he asked me. Once again I nodded, not too sure about where he was going with this though. “You should’ve come to cross country then,” he told me, crossing his arms over his chest. “You can’t only use your talent at one school, you need to bring it here so we can start doing well in these competitions,” he said in a joking tone of voice though. “Don't tell the guys, but we really need someone like you on the team.”

“When’s the training on then?” I asked him, genuinely interested. Maybe I might start settling in here once I get into some of the sports and all that.

“It was last night actually; I think I’ll do another one at lunch today though, if you’re interested that is.”

“Yeah, it’d be great,” I smiled at him.

“How do you like the school then, son?”

“It’s...different,” I said, feeling a little awkward about not particularly liking being at his school. Today, so far, hasn’t been that bad really, and besides getting beaten up and threatened here yesterday, that was alright as well. It’s just; I'm used to this stuff.

“I know what you mean,” he sighed. “It takes a while to get used to this place, but you learn to love it. There are some really good kids here, just misunderstood most of them. And even the really bad ones have their good sides.”

I nodded at him, not a hundred percent agreeing with him, but I was willing to accept that it’s what he thinks.

“I’d best be going now,” he said, gesturing over to the staffroom.

“Oh erm, do you know where Matt would be?” I asked him, hoping that his answer will stop me from aimless walking through corridors.

“Sorry mate,” he sighed. “Have you checked around the field? I know he’s round there sometimes.”

“I’ll check, thanks,” I said walking away.

“And I expect to see you at lunch Mister,” he called after me.

As I walked off I had a smile on my face; I'm actually looking forward to a bit of running. Let’s just say, it’s been a while since the last time I’ve been able to do it.

When I got on the field I was able to find Matt and his mates pretty much straight away. They were all mucking around and winding up this kid who was sitting on his own under one of the trees.

As much as I like Matt, I can’t help noticing how bad he can be with his mates. I mean, I
don’t mind some things, but I hate bullying. I wouldn't ever do that to someone because I know how hard it can be to deal with. Not from personal experience but from my brother. He was bullied so much that he just couldn’t cope anymore. He didn't speak to us about it and thought there was only one way out.

I found his body. It’s not the sort of thing I like talking about or even remembering really. Matt’s the only person who wasn't family that I told, and now I'm over here watching him bully some kid.

“Matt,” I shouted over to him, trying to hide what I was feeling inside.

He looked over and as soon as he saw me a smile spread across his face. He jogged over to where I was standing and gave me a stern look.

“Where were you?” he asked me, looking a bit shocked and surprised that I had the guts to go off without him. “After form you just disappeared,” he was actually sounding a bit worried now.

“I just...I didn't think you...”

“Didn't think I’d what, Ry?” he asked with that same concerned look on his face from before.

Before I could answer I heard Nate shouting Matt to go back over to them.

“Ignore him,” he sighed, looking like he’d rather do anything than go back over to Nate’s side.

I suppose it was good that he didn't rush back over to see Nate. Not just because I don’t like the guy and he clearly doesn’t like me, but because it’s pretty obvious what Nate wants to do to the kid over there, and I'm more than happy about Matt not being there to help.

What he did next shocked me. He wrapped his arm around my shoulder and led me over to a small area on the field that was near the classrooms. He lent against the wall and smiled, knowing that no one could see us over here as we were round a corner and no one else was around anyway.

“Why are we over here?” I asked him, feeling a bit confused now.

“I know you don’t like seeing that sort of stuff going on,” he whispered.

When I looked up I understood what he was on about. They were bullying that kid, there was no doubting it and I guess Matt noticed that it was bothering me. Sure it was nice of him to take me away from it, but he didn't try and stop it, did he? Does he expect me to forget that it’s happening?

“I know, it’s not much better just being away from it, but they wouldn't listen to me if I tried to stop them, trust me on that,” he sighed.

I nodded my head even though I wasn't too sure if I believed him or not.

“Thanks for...well, this I guess,” I said making him chuckle slightly.

“Plus, it’s more private over here, so if you wanted to say something, no one else would hear you.”

My head dropped down and I started feeling uncomfortable. Of course Matt knows something is bothering me. He knows a hell of a lot is bothering me right now; I'm just not ready to tell him about it. I don’t want anyone to know.

“You can talk to me Ry,” he said softly, putting his finger on my chin and lifting my head up to face him.

“I-I...I can’t Matt,” I whispered before trying to walk away from him.

If I was going to get upset again, I didn’t want Matt to see it.