The Little Things Give You Away

I took the bus home again today, deciding that it’ll probably be my best way to travel to and from school from now on because even if I'm a loner of the bus, it’ll be a lot easier for me than having to walk all the way. I can manage a bit of a walk, but after long days at school, I’d rather not have to deal with them.

When I got on though, it was different to last night. I actually recognized someone. Ashley was sat on her own in a seat roughly in the middle of the bus. There have been people other than her that have spoken to me today, but I remember her better than any of them. I guess she was the first person to make an effort, plus she really does stand out in a crowd. It’s hard to forget someone with blue hair.

I shyly walked over to her, hoping that she wasn't saving the seat for anyone else.

“Is, erm, anyone sitting here?” I asked, hating myself for sounding so unconfident.

I never used to have such low self esteem, but how would you feel if your own father said he never wanted to see you again? Yeah, that was a bit of a confidence knocker. Not that it matters anymore. That’s all in the past now.

“Oh, no,” she smiled, moving her bag aside to let me sit down. “You can sit if you want.”

I nodded my head at her, feeling a bit more comfortable. All I need to do now is focus on not embarrassing myself too much. That shouldn’t be too hard...right?

“It’s Riley, right?” she asked me.

“Yeah,” I smiled. “Ashley?”

She nodded at me, I already knew who she was and I'm pretty sure she knew me as well, but I guess the introductions are something you have to do with a school, even if you have already met. I'm pretty sure she wouldn’t have forgotten our conversation in form already.

“So...How’s you second day been?”

“Alright,” I told her truthfully. I know I’ve been a bit upset today but that wasn't anything to do with the school. “I went cross country today as well,” I said, but I had no idea why I was telling her that. Am I showing off or something? God, I bet she thinks I'm weird already because of that.

“I heard,” she mumbled.

I started at her for a few seconds. She heard? What’s that meant to mean?

“Oh,” I whispered awkwardly. “How?” I asked with a raised eyebrow that made her laugh a little.

“You’re the new guy, everyone’s talking about you.” that comment made me feel a little uncomfortable again. The idea of everyone saying things about me is kind of weird. Barely anyone’s even spoken to me, so if they’ve made opinions on me, most of them won’t even know what they’re talking about. Perfect. “Apparently you were pretty impressive though,” she smiled at me. “Might even give our schools top guys a run for their money.”

“What else have people been saying?” I asked.

“Don't worry about it. Everyone at this school gossips. It’s stupid really but it’s just what happens.”

Seeing as she didn't actually say what people have said, I started to feel a bit unnerved, because I assumed that she’s only not tell me if it was something bad.

“Is it good or bad gossip?” I asked her. “About me anyway...”

She looked away for a second. Great.

“It’s a bit of both really, depending on how you look at it. Most of the girls like you and the guys are jealous.”

I laughed at her explanation. Even at my old school where people considered me as a main guy I didn't get much attention from the girls and the guys, to be honest, couldn’t care less about me. What’s so different about being here?

“Jealous?” I questioned.

“Just...Watch your back, okay?”

“What?”

“Listen,” she whispered, leaning in closer. “My sister tells me things about what people are saying in the so called ‘inner circle’,” she said with a little shiver for dramatic effect. “Your ‘friends’ aren’t as, well, keen as you might think.”

I nodded at her, knowing fully well that Matt’s friends don’t like me. To be honest I don’t know why she thinks they’re my friends. Then again, when I'm hanging with Matt, they’re there too, so she could think we’re all together I suppose.

“Honestly,” I whispered. “I don’t like most of them either. I only put up with them when I'm with Matt.”

She gave me a confused look.

“So what are you and Matt then?” she asked. “You clearly haven’t just met him, he’s usually pretty selective with who he spends time with.”

“He’s, well, a friend,” I smiled awkwardly. “We’ve been friends for years.”

She nodded at me, letting me know that it all makes sense now.

“Are you invited to that party tonight?” she asked me. “I’ve got to go,” she groaned.

“Yeah. Matt’s making me go,” I frowned.

“At least I’ll have some normal company this time,” she muttered. “I’ll look out for you tonight. From what I’ve heard, they’re not planning on making tonight too fun for you.”

I looked down at my feet then. Not fun? That must mean they’re planning on making my life hell. I'm not letting that happen though. I'm willing to play along with any of their stupid tricks, but I'm not going to fall for anything. Tonight I'm going to have to be alert at all times.

And I thought this was meant to be a night off.

“Any idea what they’re going to do?” I asked.

“No, but if something seems too good to be true, it probably will be.”

She’s got that right. If one of them tries being nice to me, I’ll know they’re up to something.

***

When I got home I found the house empty and the door unlocked. At least I knew mum wasn't in, but I really didn't think she’s be stupid enough to leave the front door open while she went out boozing, which I'm assuming is where she is.

I locked the door behind me when I got in and then ran up to my room. I froze when I got in there.

She lied. God why did I trust her in the first place?

Mum promised she’d wash the bedding and I was stupid enough to believe it. it’s still there. Everything!

I looked away and quickly wiped my eyes, not even wanting to be caught crying by myself this time. Right now I don’t care what other think, I just care about me and what I think of myself. Honestly, I don’t like it.

I took a few deep breaths before telling myself that I had to face my room again. I could just run in, pick out some clothes and then head out and go to the bathroom to change. Simple.

Just do it!

My body hesitantly went back in and headed over to my wardrobe. I pulled out a pair of black skinny jeans and the shirt that was closest to me before pulling my white hoodie of one of the hangers. I don’t look like I’ve tried too hard and I haven’t. I couldn’t care less about tonight so I might as well let them know that.

I rushed out of my room and went into the bathroom, slouching down against the door as soon as I walked in. I’m being so stupid. I feel like I can only be in that room for a few seconds before freaking out. How am I meant to sleep in there again?

It’s not just everything that mum wants me to do that’s bothering me, but it’s the fact that she wants it to happen in her own house and in my room. I should be able to feel safe here...I don’t anymore.

Once I’d finally got up and changed I looked over to the mirror. I hate the way I look now. I disgust myself.

I wanted to do something with my hair. I wasn't too sure what, but I wanted to make it look better. Matt and his friends look good on a daily basis, but then there’s me. Enough said. I'm going to look so out of place tonight.

How am I going to get though the whole party? Seriously, I feel inferior to all of them already and I'm not even there yet. This sucks. At least Matt and Ashley will be there. I doubt they’d want to spend their whole night with me though.

Matt will definitely want to drink, but if what Ashley said is right, then it’s in my best interests if I stay away from the stuff. If I'm off guard at all they might strike, and I seriously have no idea what they might do to me.

What if Matt can’t help?

Or what if he just chooses not to help me?

The sound of the doorbell knocked me out of my thoughts. It’s only half five and I'm certain Matt said he’d get me at seven. So who the hell could that be?

Slowly I walked down the stairs, but as soon as I was stood in front of the door I froze. What if it’s that guy from last night? He knows where I live so what’s there to stop him from coming back? Crap.

I started shaking and jumped out of my skin when the doorbell rang again. I knew they could see me. There was glass in our front door and although it was pretty murky, you could still just about make out figures though it.

“Who...Who is it?” I asked, wishing I could sound more intimidating. It’s hard to do that when you’re petrified though.

“Erm. I’m with your mum,” I heard an unfamiliar male voice say. “She passed out at the pub, she told me to bring her back here,” he explained, sounding pretty awkward.

I didn't want to trust him. He seriously could be anybody, but I opened the door anyway and saw him holding my mum in his arms. God she was a mess.

“Thanks,” I whispered whilst frowning at the sight in front of me. I tried to take her from me but my knees were giving in before he even put her whole body weight in my hands.

“Want me take her in?” he asked me.

“Okay,” I said unsurely. This guy is some stranger she met in a pub. My guesses are that he isn't that safe for me to be around.

I moved out of the way of the door and let him walk in.

“Where do you want her?” he asked.

“Just...On the couch,” I sighed, pointing the living room out to him. As he walked though I shut the front door, knowing that it was freezing and we can’t really afford the heating, so letting a load of heat out and cold in would be stupid.

He placed her down gently and looked at me. I was still standing in the doorway. To be honest I didn't know what I was doing. I just thought it’d be best to keep my distance.

“Does this happen a lot?” he asked me. I nodded at the man. Does it really matter if he knows about our mess of a life? He shook his head at me. “How old are you kid?”

“Fifteen,” I whispered, worrying about why he’d need to know that.

“It’s Riley isn't it?”

How does he know my name? Crap he is some creeper.

“She talked about you,” he sighed. “I'm sorry you’ve got to put up with all this.” I nodded at him. “She told me a lot more than she should tell some stranger really,” he whispered. “I know about...You know,” he sighed before whispering, “the prostitution.”

I stared at him and my mouth fell open. I wanted to tell him to get the hell out of my house, but I was too scared and shocked to speak. What does all of this even mean? He knows, what’s he going to do though? Did she tell him because he was interested? I mean it isn't the sort of thing that just comes up in conversation is it?

“Do you want me to tell someone?” he asked.

I shook my head quickly. I didn't think about it at all.

“You’re fifteen,” he whispered. “You shouldn’t have to live with someone like that,” he frowned as he looked over at my mum.

“That’s my mum you’re talking about,” I hissed. I don’t know why I’m coming to her defence. She doesn’t deserve it really.

“I know,” he smiled.

The look on his face was unnerving me. It was as if he was planning something.

“Can you leave now?” I finally spat out.

I don’t want him here.

“Here,” he said, suddenly reaching into his pocket and pulling out what looked like at least £40 in ten pound notes.

“No,” I said as my lip started to tremble. I am not doing anything for him.

“Wait, no,” he said quickly. “It’s not like that, I promise,” he smiled at me. “It’s just, you need some money and...Just take it. I don’t want anything in return.”

I looked at him for a few seconds before something Ashley said on the bus came into my head. ‘If it seems too good to be true, it probably is’.

“I don’t want your bloody money!” I shouted at him, knowing that my eyes were tearing up. “Just get out of my house.”

“Take the cash,” he hissed, walking towards me and then pushing me back against the wall.

“Get lost,” I sniffed, once again hating myself for the way I was acting.

His eyes traveled down my body and then back up to my face. He smiled at me before attaching his hands to my belt buckle and pulling me closer to him. I felt him slipping the notes down into my jeans before he gently tapped my cheek a few times with his hand.

“Sorry it came to that,” he smiled, pushing me back to the wall. “I’ll let myself out.”

As soon as he left I broke down in tears and dropped down to the floor. Why does everything have to be so messed up?