The Little Things Give You Away

When I got home mum told me that Matt had been over looking for me. It hurt to know how much he cared about me. I can’t see him anymore though. If I go near Matt, Nate’s going to blow my secret to everyone and I can’t deal with that. It won’t just be the way people look at me and tease me over it that’ll bother me. In fact I don’t even care about that stuff. The part that worries me is the legal side. If he tells the school, they’ll investigate and then mum and I will get in so much trouble.

We could even get arrested! Prostitution is illegal, especially when it involves a minor, which at the moment I am.

I need to stay away from Matt to protect us. I'm not going down for trying to survive. If we could get money another way; we would.

“Are you going to go round his?” mum asked quietly.

She didn't seem drunk today, just really really worn out. That’s what 24/7 drinking does to you though.

“No mum,” I muttered. “And if he knocks again, tell him I'm not in.”

I walked upstairs frowning at what I had to tell my mum to do. I have to ignore him. It’s not my fault!

As I got up the stairs I saw Jackass in the bathroom. The door was open. Lovely.

“Have some decency,” I hissed as I walked into my room.

“Don't look then,” he shouted back at me.

“Shut the door then,” I shouted back before slamming my door shut and collapsing on my bed.

I took a deep breath as I looked around my room. This used to be my favorite place in the house. You’re meant to feel safe in the comfort of your own room. I don’t anymore; everything’s changed now.

“Riley,” I heard Jackass call as he knocked on my door.

“Go away,” I shouted back to him. He didn't listen though; he just walked in and sat down next to me on the bed.

What’s he doing in here? This is my space!

“I need to tell you something,” he sighed.

“Get off my bed,” I told him, ignoring what he’d just told me.

“This is serious Ry,” he hissed. “Look, there’s something up with your mum and I think you deserve to know.”

I stared at him blankly.

“She’s got liver cancer,” he told me in a monotone voice. “I'm helping her out though so you don’t need to worry about it.”

She’s got...what? How? Okay maybe the how question is kind of obvious.

“Are you okay?” Jack asked me.

I nodded at him.

“I'm fine,” I whispered.

Mum’s the one who’s ill, not me, it’s her he needs to ask about being okay.

“You upset or anything?”

“No,” I shrugged.” You can leave now,” I told him.

As soon as he walked out I closed my eyes tightly. Mum’s got cancer thanks to all the drinking she’s been doing. That’s the only thing I can think of that would’ve caused this. It’s all my fault. I should’ve made her stop drinking. She would’ve listened to me! If I tried to stop her...it might not have got so bad.

All I wanted to do was talk to Matt. He always knows what to do and he’s always prepared to cheer me up. Matt’s what I need right now, but I'm way too scared to call him. Is it really worth risking everything just to talk to him? If Nate found out everything would come out. It’d be horrible.

I need him though. I’ve got no one else I can talk to about this and if I stay in here thinking about it I’ll drive myself insane.

I’ve got to see him.

I picked my coat off the floor and put it on before running down the stairs.

“Where you off to?” mum asked me. She doesn't look any different than usual. It’s weird but I thought the next time I saw her I’d just think ‘ill’ ‘cancer’ ‘death’.

“Matt’s,” I told her quickly, pulling my shoes on.

“I thought you weren’t talking to him though,” she reminded me.

I rolled my eyes at her before lightly kissing her cheek and rushing out the door.

Standing with her doesn't feel the same anymore. I’ve never hated her; I’ve just felt sorry for her, but now I don’t know what I feel. She’s my mum and I love her even though she’s making my life hell a lot of the time. The bad stuff doesn't change how I feel about her. Through all the things she’s put me through; all she’s been trying to do is get us a good life. Now that she’s ill, I'm going to have to try even harder. If she gets really bad she’s won’t be able to work the streets. I’ll have to bring in all the money.

I stood outside Matt’s door shivering and I knew my eyes and face would be red because I got a bit upset during the walk up here. After all this, if he isn't in I have no idea what I’ll end up doing. I'm not ready to go home.

Caron answered.

“Oh, hi Riley, I'm afraid Matt’s grounded so he can’t hang out with you today.”

I nodded at her. Just before I walked away she must’ve noticed how upset I was, so she stopped me.

“Is everything okay?” she asked.

“No,” I whispered, biting my tongue.

“Okay,” she sighed. She looked around for a second before frowning and giving in. “Matt’s in his room, don’t be long though. He’s in trouble with us and I don’t want him thinking we’re letting him off for all this.”

I nodded, not caring to ask what he’s done. I don’t care if he’s in trouble; I just want to see him.

“Riley!” he gasped as I ran into his room and wrapped my arms around him.

He was just standing there, staring out of his window before I stormed in.

I could feel his heart racing as I cried into his chest. I didn't know what to do.

“What’s happened?” he whispered, stroking my back soothingly.

“M-mum,” I sniffed, hugging him tighter.

“God, Ry, what’s she done now?” he asked, pushing me away and looking into my eyes.

I shook my head quickly. Matt’s always assumed mum was hurting me. I don’t really know where he got the idea from but he thought that was the reason I wish I could’ve stayed with dad. He’s wrong though. I just know my dad can look after me.

“She hasn’t hurt me,” I told him quietly.

Matt pulled me down and we sat next to each other on the bed. He took hold of my hand and smiled at me for support. I'm so glad Matt’s here for me.

“What’s wrong?”

I started sucking on my lip as I stared down at the floor. How do I tell him? How am I meant to say this out loud? It’s hard for me; really hard.

“She’s ill,” I sniffed, finding it hard to believe that I’d actually voiced that fact.

“Is she going to be okay?”

I shrugged my shoulders at him. I’ve got no idea how bad it is. I was in too much shock to think when Jack told me. I didn't ask if it was terminal or if there was some cure or treatment. I didn't ask anything...

“It’s cancer,” I told him.

“Riley,” he whispered, pulling me into his arms again. “I'm so sorry,” he told me, trying to sound as kind as he could. “You know your mum though; she’s a fighter, right? She can beat this.”

“She’s not a fighter,” I sniffed. “She’s a stupid drunk. That’s why she’s in this mess.”

Matt nodded slightly. He must’ve known she was a drunk. How could he not notice?

“Do you know how bad it is?” he asked me.

“I didn't ask,” I sighed. I don’t want to know. If they say it’s untreatable I won’t be able to cope. I need my mum. “What am I meant to do?” I whispered, looking up at him through my tear clad eyes.

He looked so worried for me. The way he was looking at me showed how much he cared and it helped me realize how much I care for him too. I don’t want him to be worried or upset for me. It’s not fair for him to be hurting as well.

“You don’t have to do anything,” he whispered unsurely. “Just support her and help her through it.”

“I can’t though,” I cried. I'm nowhere near strong enough to help her. I can’t stay calm and in control. I'm hopeless!

“You can,” he said softly. “You help her and I’ll help you... Listen, Ry, I'm going to be there for you every step of the way. If you need anything, come to me because I swear to you that I’ll be there,” he promised me. “Whenever you need me, I'm going to be there.”

“Thank you,” I smiled, feeling tears falling down my face. It wasn't because of mum though, it was because of what Matt was telling me.

I love him so much. He’s the only person who’d stay around with me through everything. I need him.

“You mean so much to me,” I whispered, unashamed of saying it to his face. I wanted him to know.

I could feel his cheeks heating up when I started hugging him again. Being here right now tells me how stupid I’ve been. I shouldn’t have promised Nate to stay away from him. I can’t do that. I won’t only be hurting myself by staying away, but I think it would hurt Matt too. I don’t want to hurt him; ever.

“You mean everything to me,” he mumbled.

I took a deep breath before looking up at him and locking eyes. This was the moment; our moment.

I closed my eyes and leaned in towards him, within seconds our lips were connected and I started to feel safe again. It was a soft gentle kiss but it was filled with emotion. Part of me has wanted this to happen for a really long time. I think that goes for Matt too. He was kissing back with so much passion. It was amazing.

When we parted we were both breathless. We stared at each other in shock. We’re meant to be best friends! Best friends don’t kiss like that... Then again, I’ve always known there was something special between us.

“Did that really happen?” Matt asked. His face was bright red but he was smiling so I knew he wasn't that embarrassed about this.

“Yeah,” I whispered, pulling my fringe over my face to try and hide how much I was blushing too. Wow.

“Right,” he said awkwardly. “So... What now?”

I shrugged at him before smirking as an idea came into my head.

“We could...” I smirked before placing my lips on his again.

He was more hesitant this time, so I stopped, just to make sure I wasn't completely misreading this.

“You alright?” I asked him shyly.

“Just...God Ry,” he chuckled, lying down before pulling me down onto his chest.

I laughed at how easily he can overpower me. I need to get working on that.

“I think... I think I like you,” I smiled.

Matt face went even redder as he told me something I never thought I’d hear.

“I think I-I love you,” he said before burying his face into my neck.

Love? Maybe I love him too...

Matt being shy is so...weird, but it’s making me feel really good about us.

“I don’t know what to say,” I whispered to him.

“Nothing,” he laughed as he pushed his lips onto mine in a much rougher kiss than before.

He was a lot rougher than earlier. It wasn't as nice this time.

“Matt, stop,” I panicked, pushing him off me. “Gentle?” I asked feeling embarrassed.

I don’t want Matt treating me like the other guys do. This is special and I know he doesn't mean to be rough with me, but I can’t help thinking about other times with people who I wish I’d never had to be with.

“Sorry,” he said quickly. “I'm really really sorry.”

“It’s okay,” I told him, making sure he knew I wasn't that bothered about it.

“No, seriously, I’ve just...I’ve like you for so long, I can’t help being a bit... over-the-top?” he confessed to me.

I had no idea he liked me. I sort of got the message before when we were kissing, but I didn't know he’d like me for a while.

“How long?” I asked out of curiosity.

“Ages Ry,” he whispered. “I can’t believe this is really happening.”

I can’t either.

Matt and I...Who would’ve guessed?