The Little Things Give You Away

Things became really complicated when I got into form that morning. Matt wanted me to sit with him, but I couldn’t do it. I sat next to Ashley instead as I knew Nate would turn up soon and I’d be dead if he caught me anywhere near Matt. It probably would’ve been smart to just tell Matt what’s going on. If I said Nate was blackmailing me then he wouldn't question me avoiding him a little. However, he’d also want to know what he has over me, which I can’t tell him. As well as that he might confront Nate about it and if that was to happen, Nate would tell him everything. I can’t risk it.

It looks like this is my only option; avoid him. Matt’s going to hate me for going this though. He’ll think I'm not ready for a relationship and that what happened at the weekend meant nothing... It meant so much to me though, I can’t even explain it. I went from feeling horrible over my mum, to feeling like my life was completed as I lay in Matt’s arms.

I can’t believe I'm doing this to him.

He was staring over at me but I knew he wouldn't come over and talk to me about anything as we were in class. We’re not alone here. Well, he is in a sense because Nate hasn’t arrived yet, but I'm okay sat here with Ashley.

Ashley and I weren’t really talking about anything, which was strange. She usually likes to make conversation with me...I wonder what’s changed.

“Are you... Are you okay?” I asked her quietly.

“I'm good,” she shrugged, before turning her attention away from me and staring at the wall.

Something was going on, I could tell.

“I'm in trouble you know,” I whispered, feeling like I could trust her.

“You are?”

“Yep,” I sighed.

Her sister is dating Nate now so I know it’d be stupid to talk to her about everything. I'm fed up with keeping things to myself though. It’s hard work, real hard work.

“What’s happened then?” she questioned.

I can’t tell her about it, can I? No matter how much I trust her and want to get it off my chest, it would be an idiot move telling her something like this.

“My mum,” I mumbled, hoping I’d be able to talk about it, “she’s really ill.”

“I'm sorry,” she whispered.

By looking at her I could see there was something on her mind. She seemed so distracted and upset. It was clear that it wasn't because of what I just told her either. Is it strange that right now I'm more worried about her than my mum?

“Are you sure you’re alright?” I asked her.

“Me?” She coughed. “Yeah. Are you?”

I looked at her uncertainly. She’s lying to me.

“I’m okay with everything now, stressed but I have a new way of coping.” I smirked as I thought back to being in Matt’s arms; he was a great stress reliever.

“I’m okay,” she whispered, “but I might need some advice for, er, someone else.”

I nodded, understanding what she was saying. She wanted help for a friend.

“How can I help?” I asked her.

“This friend...She’s pregnant.”

My eyes widened. What? Who?

“O-okay.”

Just then Nate strolled into the room. He put on a massive smile when he saw me sat away from Matt. Yeah, keep smiling asshole. As I looked back at Ashley I realized she was glaring at Nate too. You don’t think...? Oh no.

“Is this friend...Torrie?” I whispered.

If Nate’s got her sister pregnant I’ll feel so bad. Imagine that man trying to father a baby.

Her face went red when I asked her that. She shook quickly but her eyes told another story.
“D-don’t tell anyone,” she said strongly. “Please.”

“I won’t, trust me.”

She smiled at me and accepted my word.

“She doesn't know how to tell him, or if she should,” she told me. “I don’t think she even knows if she’s keeping it.”

I'm so glad I'm not a girl. I can’t imagine having to deal with pregnancy. Then again, if she didn't let him in her pants and if they used protection, none of this would’ve happened.

“I'm not sure what to say,” I told her truthfully. “Nate...Nate’s a bit...Not a dad,” I said as I awkwardly put my words together. “He could change though, right?”

“I suppose,” she muttered. “Mum and dad are going to kill her when they find out,” she groaned.

My mum wouldn't care if I got someone pregnant. I bet if I wanted the kid she’d just take me away, ensuring I don’t need to put money towards its life, or ruin my own by looking after it. We can’t afford that.

If I was a girl, I could’ve gotten pregnant so many times, it’s scary. Some of the guys I’ve been forced with haven’t let us use protection. I could be carrying a baby if I wasn't male. For all I know I might even have a disease right now. Crap, what if I do have one? What’ll Matt think? Oh no...

“Are you alright?”

“Yeah,” I told her quickly. “Just thinking...”

“Do you think she should keep it?”

“Does she love him?” I asked before cringing at the thought of something being in love with Nate. Eww.

“No idea,” she sighed. “I think I need to talk to her again. She needs to sort this out soon.”

I nodded in agreement before looking behind for a second. My eyes instantly locked with Matt’s. He looked so confused, maybe even hurt.

As form finished, Matt rushed over to my side. The room was still full so I was a little shocked by how blunt he was being.

“You should’ve sat with me,” he whispered, trying to hold back a little smirk.

“Sorry,” I mumbled as I put my bag onto my shoulders.

“S’alright,” he told me softly.

Matt is too nice.

“Matt come on,” Nate hissed, attempting to drag him out of the room.

“Hold on, man,” Matt grunted. “I'm talking with Ry.”

Nate shook his head and glared at me.

“Leave it, Matt. He doesn't want to talk to you,” he snapped, “do you Riley?”

I honestly can’t believe I'm doing this.

“Sorry,” I sighed, briefly looking at Matt before turning to Ashley. “Let’s go.”

He called after me but I didn't have the guts to look back. I knew I’d cave in if I did.

“What was that about?” Ashley asked once we were in the corridor and away from them.

“I can’t speak to him at the moment,” I tried to explain.

“Can’t?”

I nodded at her. I wasn't going to go into detail about the situation no matter how many times she asked about it. That I was certain about.

I managed to avoid Matt for the rest of the day, until lunch anyway. He was waiting for me at my locker so I had no chance of getting away from him.

“Well?” he asked when I stopped by him.

“Well, what?”

“Well, what do you think?” he asked, looking stroppy.

“I don’t know,” I whispered, staring to my feet.

“You’ve been ignoring me all day! How can you not know?” he hissed at me.

There wasn't anything I could say to him. I wanted him to know how much I loved him but I felt like an idiot saying that. Loving someone wouldn't justify ignoring them anyway.

“Do you regret it? Is that what this is about?”

He looked upset as he asked me that. It wasn't tearful upset, but you could tell it was bothering him. Thanks for making me feel even worse Matt...

I should say I do regret it. That way it will be a lot easier to fulfill my promise to Nate and keep my secret quiet. I couldn’t bring myself to lie about something like that though. I can’t do that to Matt. Selfishly, I can’t deny myself him either.

“I don’t regret it,” I told him shyly.

His eyes told me he was relieved.

“Why?” he sighed.

I raised an eyebrow at him.

“Why’ve you been avoiding me?” he asked desperately. “If I’ve done something wrong, tell me. I’ll fix it.”

Oh God Matt. It’s not you at all. How am I meant to act right now? What am I meant to do?

“Please Ry,” he begged. “Speak to me.”

I'm not worth doing this to him. Why should I punish him to stop myself suffering?

“Your friends don’t want me around you, Matt,” I whispered pathetically.

“What?!” he gasped. “Why wouldn't they?”

“You know why,” I hissed. “Don't act so shocked Matt. You know they hate me.”

They hate me because they think I'm gay... Ha, they’re right.

“They’re idiots Riley,” he told me, putting his hands on my sides.

I blushed at the contact.

“They’re right though. They knew I was gay before I did.”

“Shut up,” he whispered before glancing around the corridor. There was barely anyone around. Once he knew that, he leant in and kissed me. “If they hate you for being gay, then they can hate me too.”

I smiled and hugged him when he said that. He has no idea what he’s getting himself into.

“Don't tell them,” I told him as I snuggled up against him. “They like you, don’t wreck it.”

“They obviously don’t like me that much,” he told me. “You should hear the things they say about me. I wouldn't call any of them friends now,” he sighed. “If they don’t accept me, I don’t care. I don’t accept how horrible they are. I don’t want to be around them anymore anyway. I want to spend all my time with you.”

I blushed and looked up into his eyes.

“I love you.” I blushed before connecting our lips.

I intended on it being a quick peck, but once our lips touched we lost all control over it. Matt was all over me and I loved every second of it.

He lifted me up so that my legs were wrapped around his waist and I deepened our kiss, pulling our bodies closer. I could feel his hands traveling down my back and I instinctively dug my nails into the back of his neck, earning a moan signaling his approval.

“St-” I started to speak but Matt quickly brought our lips together again, not allowing me to say anything. He is so into this. “Ma-” He did it again.

This time I had to push him back, allowing myself a breather.

He was blushing as he looked at me, realizing what we’d just been doing. With that he dropped me down from his waist and starting biting his already swollen lip. Oops.

“That was...Interesting.” He chuckled awkwardly.

“Amazing.” I smirked. “Wrong place though, don’t you think?”

He nodded with a silly little grin on his face. I love that man.

“I love you too,” he told me quietly. “I can’t believe we... Here?” He laughed. “I feel like a whore now. Who else would snog like that in school?”

“You’re no whore,” I told him strongly. That’s would be me. I'm the hooker around here...

“If you say so,” he agreed awkwardly. “And I'm going to make sure you don’t have to ignore me ever again,” he told me.

“What do you mean?” I asked him quickly as he started striding down the corridor.

“If we’re gonna become out casts, we’re doing it together.”

“Matt! What are you doing?” I panicked as he headed towards the dining hall.

Everybody’s in there...