The Little Things Give You Away

“...Look on the bright side; at least I don’t have to kick my own son off the teams now.”
“No, Joe,” Caron hissed at my dad. “The bright side is that he’s still alive. What the hell’s wrong with you?”

“There’s nothing wrong with me,” he mumbled. “And yes, I am being selfish now, but that doesn't mean I'm not ecstatic that my boy’s going to be okay. All I'm saying is that this has got rid of a really awkward situation.”

Caron let out a sigh of disagreement.

“You don’t need to kick him off the teams, Joe,” she said softly.

“You don’t have to listen to what his so called teammates say about him, though. Trust me, it’s best that Matt’s not playing with them now.”

My eyes started to flicker open then and the light poured through them. A groan left my lips when I realised how much pain I was in. Where the hell am I? I looked around the small room, expecting to see dad and Caron because I'm sure I just heard them talking about me. They weren’t there though. No one was here with me.

I started shaking a little when I worked out that I was in some room on a ward. Hospital. The attack... I closed my eyes tightly again and tried to get rid of the images that kept flashing through my head. They wanted to kill me. If that guy who lives with Riley didn't turn up... I would be dead right now...

Shit, Riley. What if he’s hurt too? This is all my fault. I’ve got to get out of here.

I tried to sit up but as soon as I moved my whole body filled with pain; levels of pain I’ve never felt because. I let out a small scream, more from the shock of the pain than how much it was actually hurting, though. What’s wrong with me?

The curtains around my bed were pulled open then dad and Caron rushed in. Dad was instantly at my side while Caron left to get the doctor.

“Matt, God... Are you alright?” he asked me, looking terrified.

He slowly helped me to lie back down on the bed. The whole time I was just staring at him, shocked by how he was acting with me. We haven’t been on amazing terms lately but it’s not just that. I’ve never really seen the caring side of him before. Usually he only shows it with Caron, Caitlin or Laura. I'm his son though; he’s not meant to act soft with me.

“Are you in pain?” he asked me.

Yes, it hurts like a bitch.

“No,” I mumbled, turning to face away from him.

I heard what he was saying before. I know all about how he wanted to kick me off the teams just because some people don’t like that I'm gay. All my life, dad’s forced me to do sport. He told me it’s all I'm good at and all I’ll be able to do in the future. Now he wants to take that away from me though. Ha, I wouldn't be surprised if he hired those guys to beat up his faggot of a son. It definitely made his job easier.

“Son...” he sighed. “Talk to me.”

I ignored him. I don't want to see him right now. I want to see mum. Not stupid Caron, my real mum. She’s the only one I want with me. When those guys were attacking me, all I could think about was her and getting Ry to safety. As soon as I knew Ry was out of there, I stopped fighting back. I wasn't fighting them to defend myself, it was for him, so when Riley was gone, there was no point anymore. I accepted that they were going to kill me. I even started to get excited about seeing mum again...

Then that guy turned up and got rid of them.

I was so close.

So close, but so so far away from her still.

“Matt, please. What happened?” dad asked me, sounding desperate.

I shook my head at him.

“I fell,” I told him with a grunt.

He didn't say anything after that. It was silent for at least a minute, so I decided to turn around and find out why he wanted to shut up all of a sudden. He looked upset with me. Disappointed, even.

“Why can’t you be honest with me?” he asked.

I stared at him, honestly not knowing what to say. Before I came up with something, Caron and the doctor walked in. They could clearly feel the tension in the room, but they did their best to ignore it. The doctor asked me a few questions and did a few tests before leaving me alone with dad and Caron. Part of me hoped that the doctor would stay longer. She was the only thing stopping the awkward conversation I had to have with dad from happening.

For a few seconds after the doctor left, we all just sat there quietly, neither of us knowing what to say. Caron was the one that was brave enough to break the tension though.

“That’s good news, then,” she told me. “You’ll probably only be in here for a few more nights.”

I smiled weakly at her. At least she was trying to talk to me.

“I know you didn't fall,” dad mumbled under his breath. “And I know that’s not the only thing you’ve been lying to me about.”

“Not now, Joe,” Caron hissed at him.

I looked from Caron to my dad, trying to work out what they were getting at. Dad probably heard people talking about me being gay around school. Why else would he want me off the teams? They both know now by the looks of it. I should be relieved that I didn't have to tell them properly myself, but the truth is, I never wanted them to find out.

I don't care about my school life being ruined by everyone knowing, but I wanted to keep my family. We don't always get on, but I didn't want to give them anymore reason to hate me.

“Caron,” I spoke out, blocking my dad out, “what’s actually wrong with me?”

Her eyes widened then and she started to look worried.

“Honey, there’s nothing wrong with you! You’re prefect as you are; you know that.”

I smirked at her. Caron’s so blonde at times.

“I don't mean... I meant, what’s wrong? Why have I got to stay here?”

She blushed a bit then, jumping to conclusions. She thought I was talking about the being gay thing. There’s no chance I'm bringing that up though. I'm not talking about that with them; ever.

“Oh.” She laughed awkwardly. “Of course, erm. Honey, we’re sorry,” she told me, gently.

“Why?” I raised an eyebrow and tried to ignore how my heart rate quickened. What’s wrong with me?

“A lot of bruising and bleeding,” she whispered. “Two of your ribs have been damaged, but they can heal on their own and... Your leg’s pretty bad, Matt,” she whispered to me, glancing over at my dad.

“What’s that mean, though?” I asked, hiding how much I was actually panicking.

“Your left leg’s broken in multiple places and the thugs that attacked you ripped up a lot of muscle with a knife,” my dad told me in a cold voice. “The doctor said it’s unlikely that you can... You won’t...” Dad turned away from me then, leaving Caron to fill in the blank.

“Matt, when, if it heals properly, you won’t be able to do your sports anymore,” she told me, looking me in the eye. She looked like she wanted to cry herself when she told me that.

I looked at dad but he was still facing the other way, trying to hide that he was upset too.

“O-okay,” I whispered, biting my lip and refusing to show any emotion.

My breathing started to grow shallow as I tried to control myself, but I could deal with it. No more sport. It’s not like I care about it or anything...

I had to turn away from them then as a few tears fell from my eyes. Dad was right. Sport is was all I'm good at... Now it’s gone.

“Matt, I'm so sorry,” Caron whispered, putting her hand on mine.

I still didn't look at them; they can’t see me this upset. I refuse to let them see me weak. If they know I'm gay, then they already think I'm a pathetic, weak, waste of space. If they see me crying it’ll just prove them right.

“C-can I have some time a-alone?” I sniffed, needing them out of the room for a while.

“Yeah, honey, whatever you need.”

Caron grabbed my dad’s arm and dragged him out of there, leaving me on my own again. I can’t believe this has happened to me.

***

I have no idea how long I’ve been in here for, all I know is that I hate it. I’ve been stuck with dad and Caron and occasionally Caitlin for more time than I can handle. Riley hasn’t visited yet either. It’s not that I blame him, because I know he has a lot going on, but I’d love to see him. I miss him already and I need to see for myself that he’s okay. Caron and dad have tried telling me that he’s fine, but I can’t be certain that they’re telling the truth.

On the bright side, I found out that dad doesn't believe the ‘rumours’ going around school about me. He doesn't think a guy like me could be gay. Thank God for that, ay? I'm still the straight child that he loves. He’d never tell me he loves me though... That’d just be weird.

I'm all bandaged up now and although they’ve kept me in longer than they planned to, they’ve told me that I'm making good progress. I'm a master on the crutches now and the pain’s more manageable with all the painkillers they’ve got me on. I can’t wait to be out of here, though. I’m starting to get sick of being around ill people. Some of them scream out in pain during the night... This is where nightmares are made.

“Knock, knock,” I heard a girly voice say before the curtain around me was pulled open.

I don't need the curtain shut, I just like annoying the nurses and forcing them to shut it for me. Aren’t I lovely? I think that proves how boring it is in here. That’s where my fun comes from.

“LAURA!” I gasped when she walked in.

“Hey, little bro.” She grinned, sitting at the side of my bed and giving me a high five.

This is the most I’ve smiled in weeks. Laura’s here! Oh my God!

“What the hell are you doing here?” I laughed, smiling so much my cheeks were hurting.

I couldn’t tell if it was from all the stitches on my face or the simple fact that my smile was huge.

“I'm visiting you, silly,” she told me. “I couldn’t leave my little brother in here with dad and Caron looking after him, could I?”

“Thank you,” I told her, managing to find a calmer voice than I used before. “I’ve missed you so much.” She’s the only person, other than Ry, that I feel like I can say anything to.

“Aww, I missed you too,” she told me straight away. “I’ve been worrying about you, man. Dad said you got attacked.”

I rolled my eyes, not really wanting to talk about that.

“Yeah,” I whispered.

“He said you don't want the police involved, though. If you were attacked-”

“I'm not talking about it, Laura,” I interrupted her in a firm voice.

There’s no point in getting the police involved. I’d have to stand up in court and tell them all why they attacked us... That’s not something I want to do. Plus, they could easily say that I started it. I knocked one of their guys out before they started beating on me; if I remember right anyway. Plus they could drag that Jack guy down if the police find out what he did.

They’ve ruined my life... I should want them locked up, but what good would it do? Just because they’re in jail doesn't mean that it won’t happen again. There’s too many violent homophobes out there. Sending a couple to prison won’t make any difference to that.

“Don't you want them locked up?”

“No,” I hissed. “Dad keeps telling me I’ve gotta talk to the cops but that’s not what I want. I'm the victim so why can’t I choose what happens next?”

She looked at me for a few seconds; really looked at me.

“You’re right,” she whispered. “Screw dad. If you can deal with it like this; fine, do that.”

I smiled at her.

“Thanks, Laura.”

We talked about random stuff then; it as if I wasn't in hospital. We were having that catch up session that I’ve needed for months. Laura and that Sean guy she mentioned to me are officially together now. I was really happy for her when she told me that. She clearly likes the guy. She’s also made a few really good friends at uni. She kept telling me about them all so I knew how much they meant to her. It was nice to see how much she loved life on her own.

“What about you?” she asked me. When I didn't say anything she decided to be more precise. “Are you and Riley...?”

I blushed then and nodded at her.

“Don't tell anyone,” I begged. “We are like... yeah, now though.” I tried to hold back my grin but I just couldn’t do it. I'm so happy that we’re together.

“That’s so cute,” she told me. “How did it happen then? I want all the details!”

I smirked at my big sister. I love how much interest she takes in my life. She’s the only one I'm willing to talk to about things too, so it’s a good job that she actually cares.

I ended up telling her about how he was upset about his mum so he came to see me and we ended up saying how much we mean to each other... Then we kissed. She did a silly little squeal when I told her that. It was hilarious. I even mentioned about our first kiss when Ry was wasted, he doesn't even know that that one happened. I’ll have to tell him about it one day...

After a bit, I told her how I pretty much told the whole school that Ry and I are together. She was shocked by that story but extremely impressed as well. It made me feel special.

“So you don't mind the whole school knowing, but Caron and dad?” She smirked.

“Caron has an idea,” I mumbled. “Caitlin saw the drunk kiss and told her about it.”

“OH MY GOD!” She burst out laughing. “That is priceless!”

“I know.” I smiled. “But yeah... I don't want them knowing.”

She smiled and nodded at me.

“They will understand. Dad isn't as much of a ‘big man’ as you think. He’ll still love you.”

I shook my head at her.

“The only thing that kept me and dad together was sport; now it’s gone. He’ll hate me for that and if he found out I was beat up for being gay... Well, he’d hate me even more then,” I muttered, without even thinking about what I was saying.

“...That’s why they attacked you?” Laura asked me in a really small voice.

When I didn't say anything she gave me a hug. It was a gentle hug because of my busted up ribs, but it was a hug that I really needed. Until she gave it me, I had no idea how desperate I was for one.

It helped though... It really helped.