Love Is a ***

My eyes flutter open to met, white covering every square inch of the room. I turned to face my pillow, and realized my hands were strapped the bed. I pulled on the straps a few times, but noting happened. I sighed, and glanced around the room.

“Am I in heaven?” I asked myself out loud. I was hoping for a respond, but nothing came. I felt my wrist ache slightly, and it hit me.

I tried to kill myself. The note! Ryan!

I took another glance around the pale room, and ‘hospital’ screamed into my head. Did Ryan save me? Why would he want me on Earth? I surely wasn’t worth his time. I was a waste of breathe to him, compare to his prefect… no I’m wrong.

He’s not prefect! Now that I think of it, he’s the devil. He can’t show me that he even cares. I’ve heard stories where ‘Romeo’ would be sitting at his lovers bedside waiting for them wake up and pour his hearts out about how he feels. He’s not even here. He could of have found me, but he probably didn’t want to get in trouble.

I love Ryan… but I’m nothing to him. I try to get him to kiss me, hug me, whisper those three words (That are now dead to me.), and make love to me; but who am I kidding He’s not going to kiss me unless its to cover up something. He’s not going to hug me unless its to cover up something. Most of all he wouldn’t shove his penis up me and say ‘I love you’ that doesn’t work. He’s never going to do it.

I keep living in the past hoping for my Romeo to come back, but everyday gets worse. Everyday I see the same face of hatred, disappointment, and regret when he looks at me. He hasn’t done anything to me once, seen the day he first beat me. Maybe…. just maybe. Ryan did die.

I can’t be with him any longer, and that won’t be easy explaining it to him. I want him, but not that man I’ve been living with for a while now. I don’t know that man. That man is nothing to me. Mine Ryan is the blood to my heart, and he’s not coming back.

He died. He died long ago, and maybe… its time to accept that fact. I can’t let myself die in the arms of this man. I need to move on… which will never happen. I have to get out of this relationship… to be on my own…

“Mac, good to see your awake.” the nurse greeted. She was thin, and had light mocha skin, her lips were a light shade of pink, and her hair was black, and tight back into a ponytail. Her chocolate eyes shined, and she wore a light tan nurse outfit.

I forced a smile on my face, “Can you un-strap me?”

She shook her head, “Self harm is why your in here. Don’t worry honey. You can get out of them has soon has Dr. Feederstan allowes it. Till then, you need to stay in them.” she grabbed the clipboard from the bed, “You have some nice friends. They wanted to stay late last night--”

“Last night?!” I asked.

She nodded, “Yeah… we had to stitch your wrist back up.”

I shook my head, “Did anyone with black hair bring me in?”

“December? I think he told me that.” she brought the pen to her cheek.

I shook my head, “Oh…”

“Now, what happen?” she asked.

I couldn’t tell her about Ryan. Has much has I didn’t want to be with him anymore, I couldn’t send him to prison. That wouldn’t be fair.

“The coach has been really hard on us lately in hockey, and I’ve been taking the death of my parents the wrong way.” I explained.

She nodded, “Don’t worry honey. Everything always has a good story to it, you just have to find it.” she scribbled some notes down, “I’ll leave you to rest.” nodded and murmured a good-bye.

I’m going to break up with Ryan… as soon has I see him.