Incolore Lumière - Colorless Light

I open my eyes to see that I had slept on the cold floor that night only to remember something I tried to forget. To my despair, I knew deep within my soul that Tristan still possessed the picture that Nathan had drawn of me the first day we met. If anyone found out that he had drawn that or that I have kept it near me for this long…Nathan could be executed because of my wellbeing. I looked up at the clock to see that breakfast has already started. I reached up and rang the bell for some assistance soon after Emily and the head maid came as quickly as the sound of the bell rang.

“Yes madam. How was your rest?” the head maid said nonchalantly.
“Violet, why did you not wake me up this morning for breakfast, nevertheless to find me on the floor sleeping?” They both looked at me in shock.

“I am truly sorry madam but Tristan insisted you have your rest, to not wake you up, until you woke up on your own.” She looks at me.

“It is quite alright. I will eat breakfast in the studies by the fire.” They both nod and I turn to look at myself in the mirror. I saw my reflection of the window it was snowing harder than it ever had.
“Milady, your bath is ready.” Violet said.

I then tear my face away from the mirror to get ready for this evening. The whole time the maids dressed me, all I could think about was my mother and what she would say at this very moment. She would probably smile gracefully at me and rubs my cheek with her kind hand and tell me she was proud of me. I would have loved her words of comfort.

“Emily…Violet” I say in a whisper. If it is alright with you may I go out to the front yard I would like to be in the snow. At first they both looked confused but violet let out a warm smile. “why, yes milady that would be perfectly fine.” Violet then walked to my closet to pull out my white cloak trimmed with pale blue fur around the collar and the hem line. I hug her and run down the stairs and open the two main doors. The chilled wind hit my face and the scenery became clear. The snow was beautiful it was like a dream.

I took off spinning into the snow making things less real and more what I wished for it to be.
The winds were cool; it felt so nice on my skin I just wanted to freeze time so that it would never end. I look up to the sky and hold my hand out thinking that my mother would see it and reach for me from heaven. I let out a sigh and started to spin and play in the snow while humming the song she would always sing to me. After a while I open my eyes forgetful of the time to come and find Nathan staring straight at me. He was dressed in all black his hair pulled back as usual in a neat fashion nevertheless he looked as if to be a shadow where he could cast me away from everything and I would not be afraid.

“How long have you been there?” I say quietly only wondering what he was thinking. He then shifted positions to say, “How long do you wish for me to have been here madam?” he replied in a nonchalant tone. “For if time is an issue I could have not been here at all.”

I started to walk, filling in the gap between us, Nathan never looking away once from my glance. Finally I arrived face to face with this man who my heart has always ached for since the day I first met him. I drew my hand to touch his cheek, my hand was shaking from the fear and the cold but before I could he grabbed my hand and forced it down. My heart sank as I let out a gasp of pain. He looked away his grip still. “You shouldn’t be doing this… you know what will happen to both of us.” His voice was stern and his eyes dark.

“Your breakfast is ready in the study.” He then let go of my hand and walked calmly inside to leave me standing there in the cold. My eyes were planted to the ground the only thing that remained was his burning touch as the tears rolled down to the ground the only sound that came was the mere silence ringing in my ears.

“Why must this happen?” I whisper quietly. I ran back inside to my room. In a couple of hours I was going to be newly weeded. “Mere… I need you right now.”

“I am here my sweet, please do not fret.” This voice was soft and kind and once I opened my eyes I looked to see mere looking down at me. I sat up as fast as I could, this couldn’t be real.
“Why do you look so confused?” she places her hand on mine and I could feel her love flowing into me.
“Mere…I am so confuse I am supposed to marry Tristan and I do not love him…the person who my heart belongs with is..” I couldn’t say his name, not now.
“Trust your heart and everything will become clear.” Mere said.
“How?” I blinked and I realized that I had drifted to sleep.
I looked at the clock only to find myself feeling uneasy.

****
The night had only begun as the stars began to fill up the sky, I looked out the window to see my guest arriving in their coaches and I could sense that all eyes would be on me and Tristan and that we would be recognized as husband and wife.
“Colette it is time for your fitting. “Violet, the head maid said with Emily and Angelia behind her. I simply nod and they attend me for the fitting.

“Madame, why the long face Tristan is such a handsome and kind man aren’t you happy to be marrying him?” Angelia said quietly while tailoring to my dress.

“Of course she is Angelia, her father took the care in finding this loving man, she should be very lucky and who knows maybe you too will find someone of such caliber Angelia.” Violet said in a whole heartily voice. “Alright you are done my dear.” Violet and all the maids step back and smile.
I was wearing an emerald green and beige gown with long sleeves adorned with ruffled lace at its end and my hair was put in soft perfect curls and pinned loosely where they laid at the sides of my face. I had much jewelry on but the one that stood out the most was my emerald stone chocker that shined every time I moved. It was worn by my grandmother on her winter engagement. My train was long enough to get tangled in but the pattern work was stunning. Even so I looked this way I was neither happy nor excited. The only thought that lingered in my mind was of Nathan’s face earlier.

“Is my daughter ready yet? The guests are coming in by the handful-“My father stopped in his tracks as he turned the corner of my room. “Colette you look absolutely beautiful reminding me why I fell in love with your mother.”

I smile at my father and go to him to give a light kiss on the cheek. He in turn kisses my hand and begins to lead me down the stairs. My heart quickens as I think about my fate, that in fact I would marry someone whom I have no feelings for and know that my time spent with him will only be filled with pain. As I walked down the grand stair case I am greeted by many of smiles. As I look around the room I look for someone I know I would not be there but I still searched for my mother’s face instead I find Tristan’s devilish smile awaiting me at the bottom of the stairs.
As I reach the bottom of the staircase he holds out his arm and as I lay my hand on it the crowd of people around us being to clap.
“Now, will everyone please join me in the ball room where we will begin the traditional folk dance.” My father says in a cheery proud voice. Everyone gives Tristan and me their remarks and we smile and thank them as they make way into the ball room.

Tristan turns to me when everyone is light heartedly talking in the room far away where they cannot hear us. “My you look…” he took a short pause. “Words cannot describe Colette.” He smirked at the end to mean to sound unpleasing. “Look at me…” he said in a cold hearted tone. I refuse and look off at the ground but to my despair Tristan grabbed my face in his hand forces me to look at him. His face as poised as ever, looking at me with one eye raised and he gently smiles. “You will be mine tonight as your father instructed me to put you well under my care… and so you can carry my child.” Tristan said in a sinister voice. “Don’t mess this up for me or I won’t be very nice.” He then let go of me and walked me inside the room I looked behind me feeling a presence to find my sister Cecil smiling with glee.
****
Everyone was having a merry time dancing with their partners, laughing at a joke my father may have told or asking Tristan about the first time we met making the other women sighing as they wished it were them. During the whole time it made me realize that I have not even seen Nathan. My heart wished to see him but then what happened this morning I would not have a doubt he would be avoiding me. The ball went on and towards the end my heart began to get very weary. My father walks to the front of the room and calls attention. “I want to thank everyone for joining us to celebrate my sweet daughter Colette and my great son in law to be.” My father begins to tear up and the pain in my heart begins to seep into my soul. “Colette every time I see you, you are a reminder of my wife Aurora and I wish you and Tristan a happy life from now to forever more.” Everyone claps and Tristan takes it all in smiling like I do not even exist. “Tomorrow will be the wedding and I cannot wait for my very first grandchild.” My father exclaims through the clapping and everyone softly laughs and my stomach churns.

After everyone had gone I was guided back up to my room by Violet and Emily. Angelia helped clear the dishes with the kitchen maids.
“Are you nervous?” Violet says quietly as her and Emily changes me into my night gown. “Yes.” I reply with no emotion holding back tears.

“You must do your best to please him Colette.” Violet said in a stern voice as she lets down my hair and brushes it intensely. I look up at the mirror to Emily who just frowns at me as if to say I am sorry. “Emily finishes brushing her hair while I put up her gown.” Violet takes my dress and leaves shutting the door behind her and I let go.

“Emily….I can’t” I say as my tears flow uncontrollably. “Madame Colette…I am on your side.” Emily whispers to me as she knells down in front of me to wipe my tears away. She takes my hand in hers and I hardly able to see her look down at her. “Tonight I will leave the gate unlatched.” She whispers. My eyes widen at her words. “But- you will get in trouble- I can-” “Madame, you clearly do not love this man and I want you to be happy.” Emily smiles at me. “This is all I can do for you but I just want you to know that I am always on your side.” Emily says and I hug her until I could not hug her as tight as my heart would let me. “Thank you Emily…thank you.”

Emily lets go and guides me to Tristan’s room where I will wait to accompany him. She leaves the candelabra on the dresser next to the bed and tucks me in. Before she goes I grab her hand and her grip tightens before she lets go and leaves the room. My heart is ringing in my ears, my mind blank and my senses heightened. Once the moon hits the highest point in the sky the door opened and Tristan was standing there before me.

“Oh? I thought you would have run away, but yet you’re right where you belong.” He walks around to my side and takes a strand of my hair and puts it to his lips sending a shiver down my spine. “Mm…” Tristan got on top of me and I knew I had to reach for the candelabra while he was distracted. I took the chance and grabbed the candelabra and smashed it against his head. I gasped not knowing what I had done he was lying on the floor.
I backed up and ran down the stairs not stopping only to hearing a loud cry coming from his room. My heart jumped and I sped up for the servant’s door at the side of the kitchen and ran through the unlocked gate to the woods looking back to see the candles lit all over the house and breath one last breath before I made my way deeper into the unknown.