False Southern Gentility

Christine sat up weakly at their dining-room table, her stomach churning in the most disgusting way. "Christopher," she said quietly as she smiled over to Elizabeth. "I think...I'm going to go and lay down for a little while. I'm not very hungry tonight." she said as she went to rise; strong firm hands were on her shoulders and she sat back down.

Christopher looked up from his dinner plate to where the doctor stood over his wife. "Christine, why don't you try to eat for a little while. It couldn't hurt." he said as he sliced into his veal.

"I don't want to eat anymore, damn it!" she exclaimed as she pushed her chair back and it toppled to the floor. "I'm...I'm sorry." she said as her knees shook and she spun to the floor. Christopher stood and ran to her as Elizabeth made her peas chase each other around the plate.

"Okay, okay then." Christopher said as he withdrew the syringes from his pocket and drew in the usual half a tube of Morphine. Christine held up a hand that signaled no. "Why not?" he asked quietly as he went to press the needle into her arm anyway.

"No more." Christine said, already out of breath. "Help me back up, I intend to finish eating my dinner." she said as she raised herself up to a sitting position, gripping onto the edge of the table for support as she sat back down in her chair. "Don't play with your food, Elizabeth." Christine said quietly.

"Yes mama." Elizabeth said with a smile as she leaned back in her chair and looked up at the ceiling. "Mama," Elizabeth started. "when will the new baby come?" she asked, trying to put herself into the grown-up situation.

Christine swallowed a mouthful of wine that was laced with her medications and Brandy. "Soon," she said with a smile as she reached over and patted Christopher's hand, "very soon."

Christopher brought the palm of her hand up to his lips and kissed it gently. "Here Christine, take some water since your stomach doesn't feel up to food tonight." he said as he lifted the glass of ice water into her shaking hand.

"Thank you." she said as she brought the water to her hand.

Suddenly, Christine gasped and the water fell out of her hand, falling to the ground and shattering into tiny bits of shimmering crystal.

"Mammy!" Christopher screamed as the old woman came around the corner as if she had almost heard Christine call for her before Christopher had. "Get Elizabeth out. Now." Christopher said as he steadied his voice while moving over to Christine.

"Jeremiah!" Christopher yelled as he lifted Christine into his arms and began his descent up the stairs to their bedroom. This couldn't be it, it couldn't be. He couldn't have her have the baby now...not now...he couldn't lose her...not now.

"Christine, Christine you stay with me, please." Christopher said as he laid her in her bed, rolling the water from the bowl beside her bed onto her forehead. "You don't leave me, talk to me."

Christine shook her head, breathing through what seemed like the millionth contraction in the last fourteen hours. "Christopher, Christopher please, please let me go, please." she cried as she dug her fingernails into the bed cushion.

"No, no Christine, you stay with me." he said to Christine. And to the doctor he cried: "Do something, I won't lose her, not like this!"

"Christine, Christine I need you to push, alright. You stay with me and you push. Christopher," Marshland said as he touched Christine's ankle. "you don't let go of her hand, do you hear me, you give her the will back." his voice was stern and it gave Christopher the courage he so desperately craved.

"Please-" Christine cried as she pushed, her muscles constricting painfully.

"No Christine, no please. You work, do you hear me, you find your drive!" Christopher yelled as Christine let out a high pitch scream which was countered by the small wail of a newborn child.

"Christopher, Christopher it's a girl." Marshland said as he smacked the small figure on the behind. The baby wailed again as Marshland handed her off to Christine's Mammy so that the baby could be cleaned. Christine lay motionless as Marshland lowered her gown and pulled her blankets up to her waist.

"Christopher, it's time to say goodbye." Marshland said as he touched Christopher's shoulder.

"No, no it's not time for her to go. Christine, Christine don't leave me, please, stay with me, please." Christopher cried as he leaned close to her body, wadding the blankets up around his fists.

Christine's hand smoothed the top of Christopher's head gently, weakly. "Christopher," she smiled easily as he raised his face to her. "don't cry, please. What was it that you told me? Rudd's do not cry." she smiled as she smoothed the curves of his face.

"I have watched my entire family leave, move away and then come back, but I have never done more than marry off--" she stopped to swallow, her face going into a painful expression, "but now...now I will be the one to go away...to live." she smiled, mournful but happy. "but I shall miss you, even in heaven, for heaven will be nothing compared to the heaven that I have lived in with you."

"Christine, please, please don't leave me. I love you, do you hear me? I love you, you can't leave the ones that you love and the ones that love you, you can't, please." Christopher cried as he sat up next to her, pulling her easily to his chest.

Her breathing was slowing, he knew because of all the nights that he had spent counting them, he knew that she was leaving, and there was nothing he could do but hold her.

"I shan't cry for you, Christine. I wouldn't cry for you, but I will ache for you, and I will miss your soul and your laughter." Christopher said as he kissed her closed eyes; her breathing slowed another notch.

"I will cry for you, my love. I will cry for you." Christine said as her grip loosened and her hand fell weakly onto the bed.

"Christine, Christine no!" Christopher screamed as he shook her; she was still warm, she couldn't be dead, she couldn't be. She was his life, his soul, a piece of himself that would never be the same. "You are a cruel God! A cruel, cruel God! Send her back, I say, send her back!" he cried as he buried his face in her long dark hair. "Please," he cried, "please don't take her."

"Christopher, let me give her her last rights." Marshland said as he pressed Christopher out of the way, feeling of her pulse; only a few beats left. "We beseech Thee, O Lord,
in Thy mercy,to have pity on the soul of Thy handmaid; do Thou, Who hast freed her from the perils of this mortal life, restore to her the portion of everlasting salvation. Through Christ our Lord, Amen." Marshland prayed as he crossed himself and laid his own Rosary onto her chest.

Christopher cried as he kissed her cheek, as he withdrew from her, looking upon the angelic face that would never be seen again after her wake, a single tear decorated her cheek. "My love, I will cry for you." he said as he leaned close and kissed her lips. "I will cry for you."

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Standing in-front of Christine's grave, Christopher couldn't help but cry. "Oh please," he cried as he knelt and grasped Elizabeth into his arms. "oh please don't leave." Christopher cried as little Elizabeth stood, motionless.

"Daddy," Elizabeth said as she touched his cheek with her small hand. Christopher raised his head to try and look eye level with the little girl. "when is mommy coming home?" Elizabeth asked as she looked around the cemetery.

"No," Christopher said as someone's hand touched his shoulder. "She's--" his voice broke as he crumpled to the ground.

"Elizabeth, you run to Mammy, I've got your daddy." Mary said as she pressed the stunned Elizabeth towards the old black woman that stood at the edge of the cemetery; Elizabeth walked slowly towards her, Mammy engulfed her and lifted her into her arms.

As Christopher looked up, the sun blinded him and it was as if Christine was standing beside him again. "Please, please Christine," he cried as he pulled Mary into his arms. "please don't leave me." Mary could do nothing but stroke his hair as she had done so many little children.

"Christopher, Christopher we've got to go." Mary said as he pulled back from him and helped pull him to his feet. "Come on, Christopher. We've got to keep walking, come on now, you and I, we're all we've got left. My entire family is gone besides my little son now, I've got you and your children now. We need each other." Mary said as she struggled to keep Christopher standing.

He stopped for a minute, staring at the long black carriage that was passing by. A hand was pressed to the glass, and Christopher smiled. Christine used to love to touch the glass of the carriages.

"Mary, is that you?" Christopher asked as he sat down in his own black carriage.

"Yes," Mary sighed as she leaned against the cold door. "it's me, now you've got to listen, you've got to pull yourself together, if not for yourself then for those two little girls that need someone...they needed Christine, but she wasn't strong enough, now it's time for you to step up."

Christopher shook his head. "I can't, you don't understand...everything that I touch is destroyed in the end...I can't." he cried as his fingers fumbled with the cigarette lighter. "Damn it!" he screamed as he threw the new contraption across the small space.

Mary flinched.

"Christopher," Mary said as she turned to him and took his face in her palm gently; Christopher closed his eyes, and for a moment, Christine was there. "You've got to help those girls...we're a family...you can't let them be broken...not like Christine was."

Christopher leaned against the wall, and, as he had done the first time he had seen Christine, he saw what his life would be from here on out.

She had been his life...but now...now he would raise their daughters and give them the best that they could.

"I will cry for you." Christopher said quietly, "I will cry for you."