Twilight Twisted

My eyelids began to flicker and I got a migraine the size of a watermelon. My hand was being held by some unknown person that was burning me, and there was sweat all over my body. I immediately remembered what had happened.

"Guys, I think she's waking up," A deep voice said from beside me.

I decided to get it over with and fully opened my eyes. All around me were massive men with radiating heat and I began to feel like collapsing. My breath became shorter and I was about to hyper ventilate.

"Get the fuck away from me," I breathed and gasped in the wonderful air when it was no longer suffocatingly hot.

"She's feisty," said one on the left, earning himself a glare.

"Too bad she's crazy," said another. I was about to issue out his glare, but the one holding my hand did it for me.

Then it dawned on me. There was a 90% chance I would never make it out of this stupid fantasy.(Gotta love random statistics!) If I went on about this place being a book, I would end up in an insane asylum. If I had to stay here, I would just have to make it fun.

"Yeah, about that. I know I acted kind of crazy last night. And there's a perfectly reasonable explanation," I said, starting my attempt to cover up what had happened and change my original plan.

"And what would that be?" They all leaned in closer and I struggled to maintain my composure.

"I was high."

"You were high? I don't see how that explains how you knew we were werewolves and that I imprinted on you," the boy holding my hand said with his brows furrowed together.

"That stuff was true? Damn. I had no idea. What does imprinting mean?" I played dumb to the best of my ability, and it seemed to work.

"Dude, how could you just tell her like that! We haven't even talked to Sam!"

"I didn't know that she didn't know!" He said defensively. Suddenly the whole room broke out into arguments and my migraine continued to grow so big I thought it would pop.

"SHUT UP!!!" I yelled, and they froze mid sentence. I smiled in satisfaction and threw the blanket off myself. I dragged the boy with me toward the door and shouted, "Let's go lover! What's your name again?"

"You're sure a piece of work, you know that?"

"Yeah, yeah. And your name is?" I made a gesture with my hand telling him to spit it out.

"Seth."

"Well Seth, we're gonna go cliff diving!" I shouted triumphantly.

"You took that werewolf thing pretty well. Except we're actually shape shifters." He said, laughing nervously.

"You're a shape shifter? That's just sickening. Being a werewolf I would understand, but a shape shifter?" I said dramatically. His face fell, and I said, "Nah, I'm just messing with you. I actually knew you were a shape shifter, because I'm a psychic." The lie slipped out of my mouth before I could stop it.

"Then why did you pretend you didn't know?"

"I was kind of scared to have all the big hot people surrounding me, so I lied. And I mean hot as in body heat before you get any ideas. So, which way to the cliffs?" I asked in the voice of a little kid.

"We just keep walking that way," he pointed his finger off into the distance. "Are you sure you really want to do this? It's kinda dangerous."

"You're such a worry fart. I'll be fine. It's not like I'm made of paper. Wait, if I was made of paper would that make me a tree?" I pondered my new found information as we entered into the forest. It was already dark out, probably the middle of the night, but that didn't stop me.

As we were nearing our destination we heard a sob from someone we hadn't noticed. The sobs kept coming in a never ending flow.

"Did you hear that?" I asked, and was answered by seeing Seth looking extremely tense. He grabbed my hand and started leading me toward what must have been the girls scent. Her sobs must have been extremely loud, because we walked and walked before we finally reached a girl laying on the ground and holding her knees.

"Bella? Did that bastard finally leave you?" I asked trying to hold in a chuckle. I might be mean, but the girl was a fucking book character. AKA NOT REAL. She immediately let out another cry at my question.

Seth bent down and carried her in the bridal position, and we started walking back. That sure messed up what was going to be an epic cliff diving experience. I definitely didn't want to go back with them.

"Hey Seth, I dropped something. I'm gonna go back and look for it, but you can go ahead and take her home," I yelled in the midst of walking to the cliffs.

"Okay, just don't get lost," he responded back. Ha. The people in this book were so gullible it was funny.

My legs already felt like they were going to fall off without the extra walking little miss whiny had added into the mix, but I still carried on. Occasionally I heard Bella scream "EDWARD!" from where ever she was, and every single time I laughed.

The cliffs appeared into my sights and I ran at them in full speed. I was about to jump off and feel myself falling into the ice cold awesomeness, but surprisingly I ran into something as hard as a brick wall.

"Now, now, we wouldn't want your blood cold when I eat you, now would we?" Her red hair flowed with the wind, and it honestly looked like someone was holding a fan in front of her face because there wasn't even any wind blowing.

"Ya know, I saw a bunny hopping by earlier that I think would taste much better to you than I would. I haven't showered in days," I hinted in a completely serious manner before I let out a fart so loud that it caused her to flinch. "Ah, one of many more to come."

I read once that if someone is trying to rape you, as a last resort you should pee your pants and it might make them not want to do it any more. I wasn't going to go quite that far, but I was going to do all I possibly could to get her to leave me alone.

"Now that you mention it, you do smell kind of ripe. If I eat you right now it'll be like eating a homeless person, and I have higher standards than most," she looked at me with a disgust that made me proud of myself for tricking her.

"Yes, you're a very elegant vampire," I complimented her.

"You're actually alright for a human. I can see us being friends."

"Really? That's unexpected, but definitely not unpleasant," I told her, which was a lie. If I was going to be friends with a vampire, I'd rather it be a vampire like Spike from Buffy the Vampire Slayer or something like that. If only I'd been taken there. Sigh.

"Anyway, I gotta get going. I'm plotting to kill a certain vampires mate," she said before cupping her hand over her mouth. "Oops, I shouldn't have told you that. Maybe now I should kill you."

"I wouldn't blame you, but then who would you have to spy on her?"

"You would really do that for me? You're too kind! Here. Here's my cell number. Tell anyone about this and you really are dead," she handed me her number and waved goodbye before using her super speed to quickly disappear.

"Better get her scent off of me," I mumbled quietly to myself before finishing what I started and jumping off the cliff. I hit the water with a gigantic splash, and used all my muscles to swim to shore.

"Hope that worked," I said quietly. I would have to buy some new clothes since this was the only outfit I had and it was soaking wet. I wasn't sure how successful I would be in the middle of the night though, so I walked back in the direction we came from with water sloshing between my toes.