Twilight Twisted

"She kissed you? Oh my god! That's hilarious!" Tony laughed as he rolled across the floor of our secret lair clutching his stomach.

"It's not funny!" I shouted, throwing a pillow at his face. He froze and quickly got up when he saw my hand approach the stapler.

"What affect will this have on our plan? Shit! What if Alice sees her kissing you instead of the whole Jacob scene? Now we don't know what to do! Our plan is screwed!!!" He held his head in his hands and began hyperventilating.

"Calm down. You're just like Seth! Here, breathe into this paper bag," I scolded him, handing him the bag I'd been putting Gerbil's poop in. Not like I care if you know or anything, but Gerbil was the bunny who had caused me so much trouble. I decided that Gerbil belonged behind bars. That's right, Gerbil was totally bad ass. All the lady bunnies had major crushes on him. I can only imagine the crazy things Seth would do to earn Gerbil's love if he was turned into a bunny like he should be.

"Oh my GOD! Is this Gerbil's shit?" Tony screeched in a voice more high pitched than I could ever dream to achieve.

"Well, duh. I had to put it somewhere."

Tony puked a few times, but I knew he was going to be fine. I even let him use my tooth brush. At least, he thought it was my toothbrush. Seth had this weird fetish for teeth and he loaned it to me so I could think of him always when I saw his spit on it. The people in this book were such freaks.

"I'm better now. No thanks to you, evil bitch," Tony said with a smile. See, I knew he would forgive me!

"Alright. Back to business," I smiled my evil smile.

"Right. Our plan got all jacked up. Shit."

"I say we just pause mission fatty baby for now until we know more. In the meantime, we can work on mission shape shifter flatulence," I told him very professional like.

"Genius. Why did we decide to name it that anyway? It has nothing to do with fluffs." He pondered.

"Fluffs? Who calls flatulence fluffs?"

"If you don't want to say the whole word, you just say fluffs!" He had a duh expression on his face.

"That's what the word FART is for. I swear man, fluff? Where do you get that crap?" I eyed him like he was born on planet dope.

"Apparently I get crap from Gerbil!"

"That's what your mom said"

"Your mom told me you still wet the bed!"

"That was 3 months ago!"

Blah, blah, blah.

For your sake kids, I'm going to just fast forward through this. Don't say I've never done anything for you. If I wrote out the whole argument you would be here forever. Your welcome. Here, have some high quality rabbit poo to munch on while the story continues. It'll be like popcorn. Now shut up so we can get back to the awesomeness!

"So what was mission shape shifter fluffs about again?" Tony asked me in a tired mumble.

"Flatulence. It's FLA-TU-LANCE!" I screamed sounding out each syllable.

"Sorry, sorry. What's mission shape shifter flatulence about again?"

"It's pretty much just us breaking up the pack. I'm thinking I'll get all buddy buddy with another werewolf-"

"Shape shifter. They're shape shifters," He interrupted much like I had before.

"Fine. I'll get all buddy buddy with another shape shifter, and knowing Seth's constipated self, he'll get extremely jealous. Thus, the pack will start to get on edge. We'll continue turning them against each other in ways I haven't decided yet, and then we'll celebrate with Gerbil by our side of course!"

"Sweet. I second your plan to temporarily drop mission fatty baby and initiate mission shape shifter flatulence. But first I have a minor question," he hinted, a smile coming back onto his face.

"What?" I snapped.

"On a rating of one to ten-"

"Do not finish that sentence!"