I loved her

I loved her. The halls of our school felt old and familiar. I loved her. I saw her walk to her locker, all happiness and perfume and blonde hair. I loved her. She caught my eye and waved. I waved back, not looking at my chubby hand that was waving at her perfect form. I would never let her know these thoughts.

She said
"Hey Chuck!! I missed you! How was break?" I watched her bend down to her locker that she shared with her best friend. She opened up the locker and began taking things out and shoving them into the locker.
"It was good. And yours?" I asked her, waiting for her response. She didn't look up at me but replied
"It was really good!!" Then we were silent and I remembered what I wanted to tell her.
"Ashley guess what?" she looked up at me with her hazel eyes and said
"huh?" I then said
"Lady gaga announced her new album date!" I smiled and she laughed at me. Like always. But whatever laugh I got out of her was enough for me.
"I know, Mars told me." she put her key in her purse and then, as if called, her best friend Mars. She too had blonde hair and blue eyes. When her and Ashley got together it was nothing but bad for me. But then again, just being with Ashley was fun.

The two girls embraced and began talking about things I didn't know. Then Mars turned to me and said
"Chuck!! I'm so excited for May!!" She smiled and jumped slightly up and down. A ball of energy and loudness, Mars was. I smiled and said

"Oh my god I know, I'm SO stoked!! Did you see her announce it?" She nodded no and I said
"Oh, it was really cool." Her eyes lit up and she asked
"Was she wearing an awesome outfit?" I answered with
"DUH!" Then Ashley snorted behind Mars and said
"You guys are dorks!" Mars quickly responded with
"Hey man, who was the one all stoked that Fenn texted her back?" then she stopped mid-sentence knowing she could be beat. Ashley looked at her and said
"You can't talk miss 'He likes my hat!!' " Mars giggled in defeat and said
"duuuude...shut up!!" with a smile.
I just looked at Ashley. What was wrong with me?
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I lied awake that night and contemplated it all for the first time. I had loved her since I met her, chubby and wise and in 5th grade. She got out of that stage. I didn't. She loved me too. But I was stupid. Correction, I was still stupid. I had let her go back then after a week. That was before she came out as Gay though. But even after... I don't know, the feeling just never left I guess. She was always my best friend and I hers. But it was a distanced friendship because I was so retarded.

I honestly felt disabled socially sometimes. I had no friends besides Ashley and kind of Mars. No one liked me. I was an ass and I was fat, who would want to date that?

Not Ashley. She didn't even like guys, why the fuck did I bother? But at the same time.....

I loved her