Now It's My Time to Strike Back

When I walked out of the dorm building, I made it to our tree and held a hand to its trunk before I stared up at the sky thinking of my mom.

“What is there to come, Mom?” I asked low enough for only myself to hear knowing I wouldn’t get an answer.

“If you were still here, I’d have a clue as to what I should do about all of this,” I continued.

I closed my eyes as I thought about it all. If my mom were here, things would be a little bit easier, but she isn’t. A sigh escaped me as I thought about the situation and decided to do the only thing I could; find the answers I was looking for.

My feet carried me back to my dorm room, my eyes landing on a surprising sight. The others were packing to leave and their eyes landed on my figure as I stared at another person’s appearance in the room.

“Where were you, babe? Mel and the others said you’ve been gone a while,” Nick said rushing over to me instantly.

“I’m fine. I just went in the cafeteria to get something to eat,” I lied plastering a smile to my lips.

Nick wrinkled his brows as he frowned at me, but changed them after he exhaled shortly.

“I must not have seen her when I was down there,” he said to the others.

“Oh. No big. We figured as much,” Mel replied.

I nodded in agreement and even laced hands with Nick before the others came to both of us and hugged us before leaving. Once they left, Nick unlaced hands with me and locked the door before he rounded on me with a serious look on his face.

“Where did you really go?” he asked.

I swallowed before speaking.

“I met up with Vic,” I answered calmly.

He ran a hand through his curls before speaking.

“There’s nothing to know, Rose, you know that!” he exclaimed.

“If that’s true, then why won’t you tell me what she threatened you with?” I asked incredulously.

Silence filled the room as he ran a hand through his curls again, but looked away for a second before he stared back at me.

“Look, why can’t you just trust me and not prod about what was said?” he asked.

“Because you’re lying to me!” I exclaimed.

Silence filled the room again and it was a longer pause before either of us spoke.

“I don’t want you to think of me differently if I told you,” was his response.

My heart began beating rapidly as I began to tense up.

“Is it something I don’t want to know or something that’ll make things change between us?” I asked calmly, but was freaking out in my mind.

Nick licked his lips nervously before answering.

“Both.”

My eyes flickered as I thought of my options, but in the end, my answer remained the same.

“I want to know. It can’t be anything too bad, right?” I asked jokingly, but there was no smile on Nick’s face.

Silence fell between us again and it began tearing bits of my soul away as I thought the worst. It was what seemed to be hours later when Nick actually spoke.

“Before we arrived to New Preston this summer, Vic was pestering me at my house about how she wanted to make me feel better than I felt when you and I made love on a few occasions before we broke up last school year. When she called me during the camping trip with the school, her threat was to tell you that she and I had sex at your house before we got to the school. We also did it during the time in which you and I were in the in-between phase during the school year,” he said.

I stood there stunned. I didn’t know what to say. Vic and Nick….I never thought he would-they got that far. I mean sure I was afraid that they could have had, but I hadn’t thought about what I’d actually do if I found out they actually did have sex.

My mind raced with thoughts as I began to feel entirely gross. Everything that I cherished with Nick was ruined by the thought that Vic also got to him, but it wasn’t for love. It was out of lust. But even as I tried to think of it that way, it didn’t make me feel any cleaner or more special.

My thoughts raced even further as I could somewhat picture the two being together in that way, but it was when Nick’s hands were on my waist and he was on his knees begging me to forgive him was when my body reacted exactly the way I was thinking.

I backed away from him as his very touch made me feel disgusted. I then began to feel self-conscious and mentally compared the differences Nick must have felt between the two of us. A part of me wanted to believe I was the superior one while at the same time there was another part that said Vic was. I was so confused and conflicted that I didn’t know what to say.

“Baby, please-,” Nick got out, but I cut across him walking to our closet and pulled out some pajamas before rushing to the bathroom.

He knocked on the door and I could hear the sadness in his voice as he realized exactly the same thing I did, but he was trying harder than I was to keep it together.

As I peeled each layer of clothing off, I only felt more and more dampened by Nick’s news. He and Vic had sex, not just once, obviously, but a few times. When we were together previously, he barely wanted to touch me after we made love in New York before New Year’s.

I then began to have doubts about both of our actions during the summer. He couldn’t have wanted to make love to me to get me back, no. He must have just wanted the sex. Or didn’t he? I shook my head and threw the clothes I had on previously into my hamper before opening the door to see Nick sitting on the floor at the foot of my bed. He rushed to my side and embraced me in a hug.

I couldn’t hug back. I just couldn’t. All I did was listen to Nick apologize repeatedly and cling onto me.

…

Hours later and it was midnight. With our beds pushed together, we hadn’t reconciled, but there weren’t any problems either. I remained wrapped in his arms Nick now in his pajamas, the TV not on or anything. We just laid there waiting for something to be said in the almost hour or so of silence since we moved to the beds.

Only one question could come out of my mouth if not anything else.

“Why, Nick? Why did you do it?” I asked my voice sounding broken, but I didn’t shed any tears.

He exhaled a shaky breath before speaking.

“I don’t know, Rosie. At the time, Vic didn’t throw herself onto me, but she sort of did in bits and pieces. It wasn’t until after we broke up was when she actually started to come onto me more aggressively. The first time was after the concert, but before we left here and the second time was the day before we left your house and came here,” he said with certainty.

I lifted my head up at him in slight shock.

“You guys never did it more than that?” I asked in shock.

“No. For some reason, after Vic had me, I didn’t really want her like that. She’d always get mad at me. In fact, she asked me before we came to you guys house over the summer if you and I had sex and I told her we didn’t,” he answered. I opened my mouth to protest before he spoke.

“I told her we made love because every time we’re together sexually, I never consider it as just sex. It’s different between the two of you because with you, every fiber of my being is enjoying it and it’s not just a mental or physical stimulation; it’s passion, there’s love I feel whenever we’re like that. In comparisons to Vic, it was always fast and lustful and I didn’t like it. I guess the only reason why I ever gave into her was because it was lust,” he concluded leaving me speechless.

“So, you never thought about coming back to me or something-not that I wanted you to, but if you didn’t enjoy it so much, why didn’t you ever tell her or leave or something?” I asked deciding to sit up.

Nick sighed heavily before speaking.

“I did think about it-several times in fact. I thought about how much of an idiot I was for breaking up with you, but at the time I was also angry at you for writing Haunted. I didn’t want to be the guy who broke your heart and kept you waiting for months only to end up crawling back to you. I tried to stick with my decision and with Vic coming over for the summer, I couldn’t just tell her to go home. If I tell you something, you promise not to think I’m some wimp or something, OK?” he asked peaking my interest.

I nodded my head feverishly my hearting pumping a little bit louder in my ears as I watched his eyes flicker as though he were still thinking.

“Over the summer after we broke up, Joe and I got into a fight. He told me I was an idiot for breaking up with you and deep down, I knew he was right. We got into a physical altercation the first day after I got home. Let’s just say I lost,” he admitted.

I was stunned so I didn’t say anything. Nick took that as his cue to continue.

“I don’t think I fought back that day, really. Even Joe noticed it because after he practically beat me to a pulp, we didn’t talk at all besides small talk the few times a day we did. That in and of itself was depleted entirely once Vic arrived making things more tense between me and my family,” he concluded staring up at me before I tore my eyes from his.

“Wow. You choosing Vic almost caused you to lose your relationship with your family?” I asked in pure shock.

He nodded before speaking again.

“Yep, but that’s changed now and I’m different than when I was back then as well as last year. I chose the girl I love and I’m legitimately in my right state of mind enough to know that I’m happy. I’m not confused about anything anymore and I’m just grateful for you to be in my life and at my side again,” he confessed causing my eyes to water slightly.

“You’ve no idea how messed up I was after we broke up last school year. Moving helped a lot of that, but I had changed; I wasn’t really open like that to anyone besides my dad, Mel, Jake, and Max with the occasional talking to Kevin and Joe, but even that was rare. It pained me to talk to them without thinking of you until one day I woke up and I was over it. I guess the only problem was when you came back with Vic and Mel was when old feelings came back,” I said with a slight chuckle, but Nick had a look on his face as though he felt guilty as well as shocked by my words.

“Don’t get me wrong, I was so angry at what you did, but I got over it. There’s-there’s something about you that made it hard for me to say no to you when you wanted to be friends with me again. To this day, I don’t know if it was because I cared about you or the fact that it felt good to talk to you again; I just enjoyed being near you again,” I admitted my words making me feel lighter as I honestly poured my heart out to Nick as he did to me.

“But there were always two reasons as to why I didn’t act out on impulse until we made love the first time as roommates; Vic and our past. If I would have disregarded those things, I wouldn’t have been any better than Vic and the thought itself made it easy to restrain from doing any such thing.”

Nick sat up and embraced me in a hug.

“I’m sorry for everything I put you through. It wasn’t right and I know it wasn’t the best way to do things, but believe me when I say none of it was planned. And for one thing, I love you. I was a complete idiot for treating you that way last year and I vow to you I’ll be honest with you from now on,” he promised.

“I know nothing was planned. I love you, too. One thing I learned from it all was what doesn’t kill me made me stronger. I vow to be honest with you, too,” I agreed with a smile.

We yawned in unison the exhaustion getting to us before we stared at the clock which read 1:30 AM.

“Time for bed?” he asked and I nodded in agreement.

We got under the sheets and cuddled quickly falling into a deep slumber, but not before saying what couples should do before they fall asleep.

“I love you, Rosie. Sweet dreams,” Nick said giving me a kiss on the forehead.

“I love you, too, Nick. Sweet dreams to you, too,” I replied fluttering my eyes closed as his scent filled my nose and I drifted into dreamland.