No Soul

Sidney groaned as he turned over in bed, reaching for the tiny hand that was insistent upon tugging at his curls and tracing his eyebrows.

“Who let you out of your cage, huh?” He asked quietly, listening to the little giggle that made him grin. Opening his eyes, Sidney could see Noah perched on the side of the bed, looking down at his father with a goofy grin.

“Max is makin’ us lunch.” He informed. “Are you awake?” He asked, making Sidney smile and clamp his arms around his little son, bringing him down to his chest as he rolled around on the king size mattress.

He was thankful for Max, things in the Crosby home had been hard lately and Max had really been a big help. Emma was just getting over the flu, Sidney hadn’t been feeling well either. He and Jasmine were no longer together. She had broken up with him a few weeks prior and it was now getting well into spring. He still had no return date set for his hockey career and people were speculating the worst about him. He had heard several reports about how he was never coming back and that the game would be changed forever. As if it mattered that much. He was going to come back, he just didn’t know when.

What he needed was a break from Pittsburgh and the hockey world – and that is what had sparked the trip they were taking that day – one that required them to be at the airport in less than two hours. Thankfully Brianna had come and helped them pack earlier in the week, so all they really had to do was get to the airport and get through security. Max would not be joining them on their trip, but his help around the house had been a Godsend.

Sidney and the twins were taking a trip up to the Letang’s summer home in Montreal. THey were leaving that afternoon and had no set date that they were going to be back in Pittsburgh. Brianna, Kristopher & Arianna would be joining them as well along with their pets.

A lot of negative press had been surfacing regarding Troy’s involvement with Sidney and his children. There were a lot of allegations floating around about Troy disowning Sidney – Mario stepping in as the twins’ grandfather, and Troy severing all ties with his son. These allegations weren’t completely unfounded. Sidney rarely heard from his father anymore where Mario would often take Noah skating and teaching Emma to swim in the backyard.

Without hockey, Sidney had too mmuch time to let his mind dwell on these things. Which is another reason they were taking this trip. It was getting warm and he wanted to take Noah and Emma out on the boat, see a little wildlife and have a bonfire out by the lake. Things that he did growing up that he wanted them to experience as well.

“And then we can go swim with dolphins!” Emma smiled as she clung onto Max’s chest like a little koala while he moved around the kitchen, plating up lunch for Emma and Noah from the Chinese takeout boxes. Sidney’s plate consisted of steamed veggies, roasted chicken, rice and assorted almonds and cashews. Even if he wasn’t playing, he was trying his hardest to maintain his diet – but he wouldn’t deny the noodles for Max and Emma looked delicious.

“Em-baby I don’t think there are a lot of dolphins in Montreal.” Max explained as Sidney took a seat at the island, Noah climbing up onto his own chair.

“Daddy!” She whipped her head around with a frown. “Max says there aren’t lots’a dolphins in Canada.” She looked rather perturbed.

“He’s right babe, there aren’t. I think they’re still south for the winter.” He winked at Max, making the Quebecois laugh and slide Sidney’s lunch in front of him. “Thank you.” He mumbled, grabbing a fork and digging in as Noah decided to forgo his plate and fork and grabbed a handful of noodles. “Noah Patrick.” Sidney snapped, making Noah’s fist unclench and the noodles fall back into the white box. “You wait for a plate.” He scolded. Noah sighed and rolled his brown eyes, making Max laugh even harder as he moved about the kitchen.

“What time is this caravan rolling out?” Max asked.

“Flight is at three, so probably leave here in about an hour – hour and a half.” Sidney shrugged. “We’re packed, so all I need to do is load up their backpacks for the flight then we’re set.” Sidney nodded. “How’s Kara?” He asked of Max’s bride.

“She’s good, ready to graduate, applying for jobs.” Max nodded.

“And what about the conversation you had?” Sidney asked, referring to the discussion Max had come to Sidney for advice regarding.

“We’re gonna wait.” Max said, raking a hand through his hair that had gotten a little long. “Till we’ve been married longer, till she has a job… till… next season.” He hesitated. It was a sore subject, talking about Max’s contract. So far, he had been dissatisfied with the Penguins’ offer and he was still finding out where he was going to be next season. But that wasn’t something they could talk about in front of Emma. Max had been talking baby business hard with Kara, but she was four years younger than him, fresh out of school, and career driven. Max assured Sidney that she did want kids, but she wanted to see where she was headed, first.

Max was hoping it was something he could talk her into after they had gotten married. Sidney chose not to reply to his friend, but they enjoyed their time together before the Letangs arrived and Sidney needed to get the twins ready to go to the airport. It would be their first time on a plane. It was a teary-eyed goodbye when Max and Emma separated; she kissed him all over and told him she loved him before she would let go of the Frenchman. In return, he promised to call often while they were away.

“Daddy, I’m gonna sit by you.” She declared as she held his hand tightly, a few people taking their photo as she bounced through the airport. The twins thought that going through security was an absolute riot and loved the idea of taking off their shoes in public.

Noah was already saddled up tightly to Brianna’s side as he bat his eyelashes at her, showing her his new coloring book that Sidney had bought just for the plane. Brianna was thrilled he invited her to color in it during the three-hour flight. Kris was in charge of keeping Arianna from fussing, a bottle, a blanket, and a pacifier at the ready. Sidney distracted Emma from the takeoff, counting her bare toes as she ditched her little pink sandals and making sure she was tucked in tightly under the little fleece blanket she had.

When it was safe to unbuckle her seatbelt, she wasted no time in crawling over his armrest and into his lap.

“Daddy are you sad your head hurts?” She whispered, looking up at him with her big doe eyes that tugged at his heartstrings.

“Baby the only thing I’m sad about is that is that I can’t be with you like this all the time.” He kissed her forehead. And that was the truth.

•••

“Daddy, nuh uh.” Emma shook her head as she stood on the porch with her hands on her hips. “I’m not touchin’ the wiggly.” She insisted. Sidney sighed, trying to hold back in a laugh as he held his pail of earthworms for fishing.

“Baby you don’t have to touch them, they’re for the fish.” Sidney insisted as he helped Noah with his little life jacket. Emma eyed him suspiciously, looking up at Kris who reached down and gave her little behind a pat.

“Let’s go for a swim, you don’t have to touch the wigglies.” Kris insisted. Brianna was taking a much needed afternoon nap with Arianna whie the other four went out to the boat. Emma huffed in a very ladylike way as Kris picked her up and settled her against his hip as they climbed onto the pontoon where Sidney had already laid out a blanket for the twins next to a cooler full of drinks and sandwiches that Brianna made for their little trip on the water.

“Daddy, we gonna see the sharks?” Noah asked, making Emma instantly alert from her seat on Kris’ lap as she nursed a Hi-C juicebox.

“Daddy I’m not touchin’ no wigglies and I’m touching NO sharks!” She squealed, wriggling around unhappily, cheeks pouting as her face turned a lovely shade of pink.

“Baby girl,” Sidney called from the captain’s chair as he and Noah steered the boat. “There are no sharks in the lake.” He insisted. “I promise.” He added. Emma eyed Kris unhappily as if to say ‘you lied’ and moved herself down from his lap to the floor of the pontoon onto the blanket. She grabbed Noah’s blue bucket hat from the seat beside her and plopped it on her head before crossing her arms over her chest in another huff. Kris stifled laughter as Sidney glanced back with a roll of his eyes. Women.

“Mon ami, bonne chance avec cette petite princesse.” Kris laughed, wishing his Captain the best of luck with his little princess. Seulement 15 ans jusqu’a ce qu’elle va a l’universite,” he laughed, saying that the only had fifteen years until she was off to college.

“Don’t remind me.” Sidney asked. He had been thinking more and more about how hard it was to get involved with the twins during the season and a small part of him wanted to stay on this permanent vacation. He could eat anything he wanted (for the most part) and he could sleep in, and build forts with the twins where they could watch cartoons.

Sure, he was keeping up with his exercise regiment as scrupulously as possible, but there was no denying the time off was nice. He knew that the team had been rallying for him, not speaking of anything discouraging about his return, but he couldn’t help but think that this break from the sport he had devoted his life to was coming at a fairly convenient time.

Now that it was so close to summer, Sidney was going to have to start making serious arrangments for the fall. He was expecting to be back – and when he did go back, he wanted the twins to be starting preschool. Carol-Lynne had spoken to him about the Montessori school that all the Dupuis children had gone to. It was safe, secure, confidential, and the kids loved it. The twins were lacking in time with other children their age.

Plus, that would be three to four hours in the day he could hit the gym, take a nap, and get dinner ready. He was also going to have to start having their laundry sent out. He had outstayed Brianna’s offer for doing their laundry and he was slowly coming to terms with the fact that without a woman in the house, laundry wasn’t something he had time to do himself.

It was going to be a while before Sidney considered dating again.

He had put too many eggs in one basket with Jasmine and that left him alone and unsatisfied.

He couldn’t help but feel that for as long as the twins were going to be under his roof, he was going to have to remain single.

And even with his love for Emma and Noah and the extra bodies in the house… he felt more alone than ever.