Thanks Karma.

“Love is just the compass of life.” I heard the words ringing in my head over and over again.

Please, tell me something that I believe. I've got troubled thoughts and the self esteem to match. After she left nothing felt the same. She said she believed. Well guess what sweetie, believers never quit. She fucking lied.

Those were her words, her words that made me sick. Her words that she said that I was naïve enough to believe. Her words she said to me on that cold December night, she said that things would get better. She said those words to me when I thought I loved her the most. What she said killed me inside.

Even though it's been a long time it's something that I can't forgive her for. Sarah. I feel like I have wasted my time, like I have wasted a part of my life that I will never get back. She was lying to me the whole time, and now shes gone. I can't say I'm sad that she is gone. I left her. I mean I'm happy that she is gone but there is this raging anger inside me that I can't control.

I have invisible monsters inside me. No one can see them but me, and possibly the thing called God. If there is a God.

I mean if she let me down a little easier maybe it wouldn't of been so bad. If she didn't leave me at the time I needed her most. If she just hadn't stole my heart, and my money maybe I could of forgive her but I can't.

I snapped out of my daydream and realized where I was, subsequently this was the same time I got my heart broken months ago. I felt some of my anger disappear, and I felt my conscious heart go back into my chest.

I saw her. Not just a her, but someone I felt a connection with. It was oddly profound how from just a look we can seem to know someone. From just one look I could see her beauty, for who she was. She sat drinking tea under a tree across from the picnic table I was siting at. There was a notebook by her side joining her under the tree. The summer sunlight glistened down from between the branches onto her pale skin. Her brown hair tied back into a loose ponytail draped down around her right shoulder. She was pure beauty in a way words can't describe.

She looked over at me and I looked away. I didn't want to get close, I couldn't. But I heard a little voice in the back of my head saying, Go Brendon.

I couldn't loose my heart again, I didn't even know this person.

I looked back at my notebook that I was writing in, my words scrawled across the page. I felt like in writing music I could express an emotion that I couldn't tell anyone. Ryan used to write most of the songs for out band, but now it's just Spencer and I. I do miss Ryan and Jon in the band, just they wanted to do their own thing. I respect that decision and have a feeling that things will turn out well.

I looked back up and she was walking away from the tree, she left something under the tree. My relaxed posture disintegrated as I bolted up and sprinted towards the tree she was sitting under minuets ago. I grabbed what she left and raced after her. She was just getting to the parking lot as I tapped her on the shoulder, pausing so I could catch my breath.

“You,” I paused running out breath from my recent sprint, “left this back there.” I said looking down at the back, spiral bound notebook worn from age.

She looked at me with a familiar eye, “Thanks.”

“No problem.” I said looking at her face. You know, it felt like a dream looking at her. Dreams are just bits and pieces of a cocktail mix. You have the fruitiness and sweetness of the juice, like the happiness and bliss of a dream. Then you have the shock of the alcohol, like the dream being a lie. As if it's all in your head. This was real though.

She smiled and turned away. I rationed my breath and thought weather I should go after her or not. I chose the first choice.

“Wait.” I said as she turned around.

“Yes?” she said as a small smile played on her lips.

She fiddled with her hair as I looked at her. “I was wondering if you would like to go out sometime.”

She looked at me with curiosity then smirked, “Well what have I got to loose? I mean it's not like I know you, but I think I might risk it and say yes.”

“Well I'm Brendon,” I said holding out my hand.

She grasped my hand and shook awkwardly, “Hello Brendon I'm Marina.”

“Nice to meet you.” I said smiling, “So, since I feel pretty awkward and my ego has plummeted downward, can I get your number possibly?”

“Sure.” she said, “Give me your phone.”

I did as I was told and took my phone out my pocket and handed it to her. Her hands gracefully glided over the keyboard and put her number in my phone. She handed it back to me, 'Text me when and where.” And with those and those were her final words as she left me standing there in the parking lot.

I went back to where I was sitting, at the picnic table and gathered my things. I looked back at her car pulling out of the parking lot. I thought of her, and how she looked like an angel of life. She brought me back to life and stole my heart back from Sarah.

I walked to my car with my notebook in my hand. I looked at the items in the backseat of my car, a skateboard, guitar, sweatshirt, and a hacky sack on the floor. My notebook would soon be joining the collection of things in my car.

I got into my car and just drove. Driving is eerily calming to me, but different things cause different emotions in different people. That's the thing, different people react to different things, and I like that about people.

If life was just repetitive, and we just did the same thing everyday life would be too simple. We would get bored easily. If you walked into the same office building and did the same job every single day with no ease you would eventually quit... unless your a person who likes that stuff. If you are then we will leave those jobs for you.

I looked at the road in front of me. I felt positive about the road ahead of me. I will be going north. Soon I would be at my house, alone. Before I knew it my thoughts turned into reality as I was pulling into my driveway. I got out of my car and walked fluently up to my door taking long strides. I wasn't in any hurry, but I was in a good mood.

I took my phone and fiddled with it. I went to my phone book and looked at her entry she put. The words gave me a shock. Marina - I don't date people I don't know. Sorry asshole.

No need to get snippy...

She did leave her number though. Maybe she was playing hard to get, maybe she was a total bitch and I couldn't see it. Maybe I'm not meant to be with anyone right now, thanks karma. Wait no, I take that back, fuck you karma.

I have better ways to spend my time, and not on her. I was definitely going south. I need to clean out my car anyway... not spend my time on girls. I have a life... and this is the compass of life.