Guiding Lights

I didn’t know of anyone who liked the feeling of a bad dream; when you’re half aware but can’t bring yourself to wake up. There was always an eerie feeling to it, an unappealing heat rushing over you, making you sweat. I wasn’t a fan of the feeling of being alone in the darkness, either. But what set this nightmare apart from all of the ones I could have, especially the “normal” ones, was that I felt like I was being watched. I could see everything that was going on, all the trees and all the stars in the sky despite the blurriness, and it felt like there was someone waiting around some corner - hiding in a bush.

There was no wind in the scenario that my mind was playing and it made the heat that much more suffocating. I couldn’t see myself, but the view kept changing as if I were glancing around, like a camera was shakily recording every single thing going on around me - even if it were nothing. There was no sound either; I felt like I was in some sort of locked room looking out onto all the trees rather than standing right in between them. That feeling of being watched seemed to weigh a ton and bring its own sort of sound, a drumming in my ears that could have been my heart, and it was enough to make someone go insane. Not for me, though. This… feeling only brought on another one, a familiar one. It made my head ache and pound enough that I could feel my real self squeeze my eyes tighter, the action making the scene in my head shake and blur even more until there was a soft thump-thump, like small feet slapping against the dirt or something. I knew it sounded familiar, though.

I saw a light then, but it wasn’t coming from the same direction as the thump-thump. The light reminded me of my glow, bright and awe worthy, but it wasn’t gold and it wasn’t coming from me. This glow looked clear, shining like a crystal, but still duller than mine. And somehow it felt close to me. I almost wondered if it were my mother; the orb she had worn was blue, turning clear when she had taken it off. But it wasn’t that because the orb was now gold as I wore it. This was something else…

There I was in my dream, alone with only some thumping sound and a weird glow, the feeling of being watched never going away. And as each second passed my head throbbed a little more and it felt like my stomach was ready to just burst, the suffocating feeling making things so much worse. I recognized these feelings, but on a much lesser scale, and that’s what scared me. I felt… sick, wrong, unsure and alone. Where was Nick? He wasn’t anywhere in sight, but he didn’t feel gone. But I did feel empty.

Things didn’t feel right.

I didn’t know how long this kept up, this dream, but it felt like hours, each second marking the worsening feelings until I couldn’t take it anymore. I couldn’t breathe now and I wondered if I was having a panic attack. I wouldn’t know until I woke up. The shaky camera-like view moved again, showing me all the trees and the dim glow that didn’t belong to me, echoing the sound of crunching leaves and the small thumping, and the feeling of being watched pressed on like it was some sort of force. That paired with the feeling of drying - which I had become familiar with, unfortunately - was enough to make me fall.

I felt my body jolt on the bed, flailing like I had actually just been dropped onto it, and a choked cry came through my lips before I could even force my eyes up. All these actions made my heart race and it frightened me. I forced my eyes open only to be met with darkness, the only light that was visible being my glow and it held a sort of comfort. It was gold, it was mine, and it said that Nick was here. Before I could look around for him, though, I realized that I was practically hyperventilating and that the feelings in my stomach and head were still present from the dream, just not as painful. I didn’t mean to, but I started crying; not because it hurt so much or because I was unbelievably scared, because neither were really accurate, but because I was so stressed over everything and I just didn’t understand what that dream was all about.

And maybe I was just a little more scared than I wanted myself to believe.

I sat straight up, the best I could anyway, and let myself shake in tune with my soft sob-like noises. Not even a moment later did I feel the bed move and that made me a little more jumpy, but when my glow flickered I knew it was Nick. I had woken him up.

“Lonnie?” his groggy voice murmured in a questioning way, but a gentle concern was more noticeable and it made me calm some. The bed shifted and he set his hand on my arm, slowly twisting me to face him in the dark. He was here and that was almost enough to make me forget about everything, but it didn’t happen yet. “What’s going on?” he tried again, his voice still sleepy. He cleared his throat and then paused when my heavy breath mixed with a whimper. “Why are you crying?” His voice was alert now and so was he, and he tightened his warm grip on my arm.

“Nick…” I breathed his name out quickly and twisted myself around some more, sliding my arms around his waist so I could press my cheek to his chest. The soft cotton shirt clung to him, allowing me to feel the softness of it along with his own pure warmth; there was something so comforting about it.

“Hey,” he whispered softly, still not quite sure what to do. “What’s wrong? I’m right here.” Hearing him say he was here made it seem more real and I always needed that, but having him hold me to his chest and succeeding at pulling his fingers through my tangled hair in an affectionate way was what halted my cries for the moment. I breathed his scent in instead.

“I know…” I breathed, “I just-” I didn’t really know what to say, how to explain why I had been crying when I didn’t even really know myself. The pain was still there, making me feel sick, and I started crying again.

“Shh,” he tried, “Come on, Lonnie.” His voice was so soft and gentle, so eager to get me to calm down, and it almost worked. But the pain was still there, only it was dull now and far into the back of my mind, leaving me feeling drained and weak. If Nick wasn’t holding me I knew I would’ve slid off the bed and onto the floor by now; I couldn’t hold myself up. “You’re okay.” I knew he didn’t believe the words as much when they actually left his mouth because he could feel what I was feeling. Did that mean he knew I was in pain? Did that mean he knew that I really wasn’t fine like I had been trying to say? I thought I had been, but maybe I was wrong.

Or maybe I was crazy.

His lips met my forehead and he leaned back slowly, pulling me down with him. He shifted and if felt like he was rocking me, like I was a child that needed to be soothed somehow and rocking would do the trick. He wasn’t of course, only trying to settle me closer to him so I could cuddle against him because he knew that was something that I would always want, but I still felt a little better. And now it was like the pain never existed, only a slow beating in the pit of my stomach letting me know that it was ever there at all. It was strange and confusing, and I didn’t understand it, but a yawn escaped me when Nick kissed my head again, trying his best to calm me down. I didn’t know if he would understand; I knew he had been through a lot of pain, both physical and emotional, but so had I. I didn’t know how to explain it to him, anyway.

He didn’t ask me what I was feeling, which I was somewhat glad for, but he did keep me close and ran his fingers up and down my back in random patterns. My eyes were ready to droop shut and I was ready to just fall asleep, but I wondered if he would say something before that happened. And I also wondered if I would dream something like that again. It wasn’t quite a nightmare but it felt… strange. And the pain that followed wasn’t exactly something I wanted to feel again, especially if it left me feeling as weak as I felt now. Nick’s touch didn’t exactly help with giving energy though, either. I was always comfortable with him - my own personal pillow buddy.

My lips twitched into a smile, leaving Nick to sense my mood change. He spoke then.

“Did you have a dream?” I couldn’t find the words so I nodded instead, the side of my head rubbing against his smooth shirt. I slid my hand up his side and wrapped my fingers around the back of his shoulder, doing my best to pull myself closer into him. “And it obviously upset you…” He kept his voice low, setting the hand that wasn’t already on me to rest on my side. “Do you wanna' tell me what it was about?”

I knew I wanted to tell him, of course I did, but where would I start? How would I explain? You can’t just tell someone that you had a dream about someone watching you, a weird noise, and a glow that didn’t belong to you, and then felt pain that was both from before and in your dream. I was better off telling him that it was nothing.

“I was… it was just… nothing.” I struggled to get the words out, but saying them didn’t seem to help.

“Nothing?” he questioned flatly. I could just picture his eyebrows being raised with that ‘yeah right’ look that he was so good at. “You were crying, Lonnie. You aren’t exactly the type to cry over nothing.”

I sighed. “I’m fine though… now. It was just stupid. I’ve been under a lot of stress, I think. School and everything…” I trailed off for a moment to allow myself to think about what was going through my mind before I went to sleep. Was thinking about moving in with Nick, about taking that next big step in our marriage, making me feel a little nervous? I knew that could be enough to stress me out once I got through the excitement of it, so maybe that was it. Maybe being stressed was making me sick. That had to be it.

“Lonnie?” He was prompting me to continue, his voice being laced with grogginess again. I wanted him to get his rest.

“I guess I’m just a little nervous… about us, you know?” I chose to whisper these words in hopes that it would take away some of my embarrassment - it didn’t. My face burned with a blush and I buried my face deeper into his chest, slowly shutting my eyes when his heartbeat faintly sounded in my ear. It made me feel a little better to know that it sped up a little once the thought that came through my words unfolded into his own mind a little.

“Why are you nervous about us?” He tried to keep his voice clear, but I heard the little waver. It made us seem like kids, which was a weird thought considering that we were actually sort of kids still, but it gave me sort of a rush. I smiled.

“Well, I mean…” I started off a little nervously. I curled my fingers around his shirt and pressed my lips together, trying my best to look up at him through my bangs. “It hasn’t really felt like we’re married-” I could feel him tense under me, but only for a moment. He was improving. “And… moving in together is kind of a big deal.”

He muttered a “yeah” under his breath, squirming a little until he decided to lie still again. I didn’t want to pass all of my stress and unknown feelings onto this subject, but what else was there? I bit my lip.

“I’ll be fine though,” I spoke again, trying to add a little conviction to my voice. Nick wasn’t easily fooled though, so I was always a little relieved when he chose to let things go, even if he was a little wary. This was one of those times.

“Just relax then, okay?” he tried, but his tone told me that he didn’t buy it. It was dark outside, most likely an early hour in the morning, and I had a lot of schooling to do today. And I definitely wanted to push Nick into the first step of moving in together, whatever that was. I didn’t care how stressed it would make me.

“I don’t like it when you cry…” His words were more of a whisper now and almost shy, and it made me giggle. I could see the look on his face and the way his eyes reminded me so much of a puppy dog.

“You’re so adorable, Nick.” I couldn’t help but laugh. Even in the dim light of my glow I could see a pink tint cover his cheeks and a stern look tried to wash over the softness of his eyes, but he was more embarrassed than anything.

“I’m not adorable,” he grumbled while he shifted his head to the side so he could look away from me. My smile widened.

“Oh, you definitely are, Nick. You’re very adorable.” His chest tightened underneath me at the same time his jaw did, his cheeks turning a darker shade of pink, and he smashed his full lips together. I wasn’t feeling as weak now so I managed to lift myself up enough to rest my elbows on either side of him, twisting until my chest was resting against his. He still wouldn’t look at me; I grabbed his face with one of my hands and forced his head towards my direction, locking my eyes with his intensely mesmerizing ones. “Wanna' know why?” I whispered.

He didn’t answer me right away - or at all really - only darting his eyes between mine. I hated to love the way they made me feel when they burned into me, when he stared at me like I was the only thing he could see. But I loved more than anything how sincere his eyes could be. He confused me just like my thoughts did, but my love or him would always be clear no matter what.

“Because….” I drew out, never losing my grin as I still forced him to look at me. I leaned my head down a little closer to his, tightening my grip down onto his chin instead of his cheeks. A slight twinkle of amusement flashed in his eyes. “There’s a certain way you smile-” I could feel my own smile widening at just the mention of it, “that makes it a little harder not to just stop and stare at you. And there’s something about your eyes that makes you more than just beautiful. And every time,” I breathed nervously, slowly tracing my fingers across the spot of skin that was bare from behind the t-shirt, “every time you look at me and smile… it’s almost like I fall in love with you all over again…”

I leaned down even closer until my lips were even with his, grazing, and felt myself almost melt by just looking at him. He had this smoldering and intense look, but it seemed so innocent and soft at the same time. It almost rendered me speechless.

“You and all your beauty marks…” The words fell from my lips in the midst of a gasp-like, my eyes blinking a little too rapidly when his breath tickled my lips.

“Freckles…” he managed to murmur before I pressed my lips fully onto his. I brought my other hand up from its fisted place on his shirt and placed it on his cheek instead, sliding my other hand from his chin to the other side of his face so I could pull his head up closer. With our lips locked and moving firmly together I let my weight rest on him, knowing he wouldn’t care too much as long as I didn’t cut off his air supply - which I was already doing with my lips.

I pulled back for a moment to get air, smiling against his lips still. “And how you’re the puppy I never had…” I didn’t know why I murmured that because it didn’t really have anything to do with… anything, but it got him to groan.

“Dammit, Lonnie, I’m not a puppy,” he breathed out, though he didn’t have much tone. I giggled.

“You’re a feisty puppy.”

He opened his mouth to protest most likely, but I silenced him with a kiss before he could make a sound. Though the kiss on my end wasn’t very silent - I couldn’t stop giggling against his lips. And pretty soon he was laughing softly, making me want to hug him even closer.

“I take it you feel better?” he said once I pulled back and both of us stopped laughing. I stared down at him with what felt like a permanent smile, unable to look away from his beauty. Nick was mine. That would never fully register, I knew. And I also knew that I’d always be happy with him; just looking at him told me that. Russell had said something about how we were still in our “honeymoon” stage and that we would probably be there for a while, and I knew he was probably right. Things were good and I was so grateful. Part of me thought it had to do with my mom since she was watching over me and Dad, and now Nick too, and I wished I could thank her.

“I’m better,” I smiled, and it couldn’t be more sincere.

Nick shifted a little underneath me and slid me back to his side, pulling me into him. He tilted my head up towards him before I could rest it on his chest and positioned his lips over mine once again, a faint smile covering his lips.

“Go to sleep,” he stated. I nodded. He placed his lips over mine and let a lingering kiss, murmuring an ‘I love you’ before settling his head back against the pillow and pulling the covers up and over the both of us - mostly me, though. “I love you.”

The butterflies in my stomach always got stirred up when those words left his mouth.

“I love you.”

I left my head resting against his chest, listening to the slowing of his heartbeat. It didn’t take long for him to fall asleep, especially after my fingers wound themselves into his curls. He was out within minutes leaving me to listen to his soft breathing, reminding me that I still wasn’t alone. But I couldn’t sleep no matter how much I wanted to. My eyes would droop and I’d feel like I was ready to lull into a sleep at any minute, but nothing ever came. I was left teetering in between sleep and consciousness when I much preferred sleep.

I didn’t know if there was too much on my mind or if I just wasn’t ready to sleep yet (I very much disagreed), but I found myself very reluctantly sliding away from Nick’s warm and now-lazy embrace to sit up. I kept my eye on him for a moment to make sure he didn’t stir, biting my lip to keep from giggling when he twitched. He didn’t move much though, only shifted his arm to rest over his lower stomach, somehow managing to rest above the scar. I guess we had both memorized where it rested. I pushed that thought away though, deciding that I rather not have another nightmare about it, and glanced around my dark room instead.

It seemed like years since I had actually paid much attention to my room. Glancing around at the fading pink walls and the posters that seemed to be peeling off made me blush and smile at the same time; I remembered Nick commenting about it when he had come over in the very beginning. That seemed like such a long time ago, too. So much had gone on since then, so much had changed. I wasn’t ready to go down memory lane - my mind was too tired for that, but the little thoughts made everything seem that much better.

I spotted my tablet on my nightstand and took a minute to think about whether or not I was in the mood to draw. My hand reached for it before I made a decision so I took it and the pencil with ease, setting it on my lap. I stared down at the drawing, able to see most of it fairly well with the light of my glow and wondered where exactly I had gotten the inspiration. The more I looked at the small wolf the more I thought of it resembling Nick, but I knew it wasn’t really him in his wolf form. This little wolf was different and I was unable to remember where I saw him.

I held the pencil and began to add to the drawing, first going over what I already had and then adding more detail. I found my hand to be moving without much thought from me, drawing whatever it was that was flashing in my head before I could fully see it myself. But then I moved on from the wolf and started sketching out the surrounds, the trees with leaves falling and a darkness around, but there was one spot that seemed to have outlines all around it, making it look like some sort of star with the way the lines made different points - like a blast of light would look.

I didn’t know how long I stared at it, trying to figure out if it was a shape, if it was supposed to be there, or if maybe it was just an outcome from the lines, but suddenly sleep didn’t want to wait any longer. I yawned and dropped my pencil, slouching down into the pillows some. I pulled on one to set between my head and the wall, and I glanced down just in time to see Nick turn onto his side, and then onto his stomach after a moment of squirming. Just looking at his peaceful figure was enough to finally pull me under.

There were no more dreams or nightmares for the night, and even in my sleep I knew I was relieved. There was something about resting easy that made things a little better. It was what I needed.

I could see a faint light from behind my eyelids rather than the pitch black and I knew it had to be officially morning now. I turned my head a little and realized that I was flat on the bed rather than sitting up, and that a blanket was wrapped securely around me, keeping me warm. The bonus was that it held Nick’s scent. My eyes fluttered open when I thought of him but he wasn’t lying next to me, the spot was empty instead. It didn’t worry me much anymore because I knew he was either downstairs or in the shower - he wouldn’t leave without saying something. Or… if he did leave then I knew he’d be back. I just wondered about where he had gone.

I slowly slid myself up into a sitting position while keeping the blanket around me and glanced over to the table to see that my tablet and pencil were there neatly. A slight draft the papers a little before it ruffled my hair, making me turn towards the window. It was wide open, the blinds pulled up, and I smiled a little to myself before shaking my head. I now knew that Nick had jumped out the window, probably phasing to meet one of his pack members. It did worry me a little, though, because I didn’t like him patrolling so much. Not only was it dangerous but it made me wonder if there was anything going on.

None of us needed anything to be going on, that was for sure.

I debated whether or not to stay put under the covers and wait for him, but I didn’t know when exactly he would be back. And my stomach was yelling at me for some food. I sighed and slid out of the warm blanket carefully, shivering as soon as my body hit the cool air. I could see that the sky looked gray and the bare trees held some snow; it made me wonder what the ground looked like. And Nick was out in this… Pouting didn’t help, but I did it anyway while I made my way towards the window. I took a peek towards the ground, squinting to see his little paw prints in the white blanket of snow before I shut the window and hurried back towards the door, hoping it was warmer through the rest of the house.

There were no lights on and I didn’t hear the TV so I knew Dad had gone to work already, meaning I was alone. I slowed my steps as I bypassed the coffee table that held all my school stuff in a scattered heap, padding across the cool kitchen floor soon after. I was tired of cereal and I didn’t feel like having a sandwich so early in the morning, so I had to cook for myself. I groaned outwardly and pushed myself towards the cabinets, deciding that I wanted some pancakes.

I pulled everything I needed out and tried to focus on what I was doing rather than let my thoughts wander like I usually did. I realized that the time was starting to pass a little quicker and when I glanced out the window again I saw that it was snowing. I knew Anna and Josh would still have to go to school, so I was glad that I got to stay in and work from home; I smiled a little at the thought. A tune popped into my head out of nowhere and I started humming while I mixed, smiling even wider when I actually recognized the tune and found that the words were buried in the depths of my mind.

“I never knew you could make me feel…” I started off lowly to myself, trying my best not to spill any of the pancake mix. “Like I couldn’t breathe, this feeling is crazy…” The song often got stuck in my head, but I never really had the time to think about the words. I was happy I did now. “It scares me to death and I know that I can’t hide…” I took a deep breath and set the bowl down, ready to continue on with the song.

“I’m surprised you remembered the words.”

I immediately let out a shriek and spun around, clutching my chest even though I had instantly recognized the voice. He still scared me. My wide eyes roamed over Nick’s casual figure, his body slouched against the wall behind the kitchen chair. I inhaled deeply several times but kept my hand over my heart, pressing my behind against the counter. He smirked.

“Nick!” I hissed, “You scared me!”

“I could tell,” he chuckled with a slow nod, amusement in his brown orbs. I shut my eyes just long enough to swallow before allowing them to roam over him. His curls looked damp and held a few white flakes from the snow, his cheeks and nose rosy from the cold. I was glad he was wearing a jacket at least, even if he didn’t wear any scarf or gloves like I had begged him to, but I wasn’t so happy with the big rip in his jeans, making the tight fabric fit rather loosely against his knee… which looked scraped and bloody. I narrowed my eyes at him.

“You’re actually singing?” His question brought my thoughts back and made my eyes jump back up to his face. “And… cooking?” I noticed his teasing tone and I smiled a bit, but then I frowned and dropped my hand, using it to motion towards his knee.

“What did you do?”

His first reaction was to glance down at his knee, his second reaction being to stiffen. I could see and hear him sigh before he looked back up at me, shrugging. He obviously didn’t want to tell me.

So I had to force it out of him. I had been practicing… at least a little. I narrowed my eyes at him and crossed my arms, getting him to sigh again when he felt what I was doing. He rested his head against the wall.

“Russell, Ryan, and Sean came by when you were sleeping. They said people were complaining about more noises and that someone had thought that something was going on around their house,” he started off slowly and my attention was immediately captured. “Ryan went with Sean to go look around where the complaints were coming from and I went with Russell towards the way to town.”

“Nick-” I immediately began to protest, but I decided to keep my mouth shut and allow him to continue. So he did.

“Russell said he heard something and he told me to check a little farther out. I don’t know why I listened to him because I knew he was obviously wrong about where to look, but I did what he said anyway and before I could even turn around something hit him.” My mouth was hanging open and the worry from earlier was definitely back. I knew Nick could see the question in my eye so he answered it. “He’s fine, though. Got away with a bruise on his back.”

“So… what happened to you?” My voice was a little quieter this time.

He glanced back down to his knee and tilted his head, resting his head back against the wall again to look at me. “He practically trampled me trying to get away. I phased when he darted at me and his claw caught my knee.” I studied the cut a little more and realized that it did resemble a claw mark. He wasn’t lying.

“Are you okay?” I could see the faint smile work its way over his lips because of how concerned I was.

“I’m fine.”

“Did you see what hit Russell?” His frown was back and he shook his head no.

“We don’t have any idea, but we’re guessing that it’s whatever the people are talking about. It was fast.”

I didn’t know why but the first thought that popped into my head was Coimbra. Could it be him? Was he the one watching me in my dream? He and Lucas were really the only two people that ever gave me an eerie feeling and one of them was dead - for real this time.

I chewed on my bottom lip and studied Nick’s face, keeping my eyes on him even when he pushed off the wall and began to move towards me, his hands in his pockets. He knew I was thinking - he just didn’t know what it was about.

“You don’t have to worry about it,” he offered. “There’s always something weird going on out there. It could be just another animal passing by.”

It could be. Or it could be Coimbra…

I gave him a slow nod and reached out for him when he got close enough, grabbing his arms before he could make a move. I forced his hands out of his pockets and moved them to my sides, helping him wrap them around me so I could fling my own around his neck. His smile was more visible now and directed towards me, his eyes shining. I hadn’t ever imagined the Nick I first met to be this happy, and to know that he was like this around me made me feel better about myself, in a weird way.

“I hate when you don’t tell me things…” I said a little more quietly not that his face was just inches from mine. I slid my fingers into his curls and twisted one slowly, watching a burning look glaze over his eyes even while he relaxed a little. I wanted to snicker because I knew what playing with his hair did. He didn’t even try to stop me this time.

“Why would I wake you up just to tell you I was leaving?” His voice was quiet now, too.

“So I know that you’ll be gone.”

“So you can stay up and wait for me, you mean,” he corrected in a knowing tone. I rolled my eyes.

“Know when you’re gone; wait for you… same thing.”

“Only for you, Lonnie,” he grinned, the creases by his mouth driving me crazy. Why was he so beautiful?

He leaned forward and surprised me a little by pressing his lips to mine. I was still getting used to the more affectionate side of Nick, but I was loving every second of it. His mouth moved soundly against mine; I pulled myself closer and his hands rested on my hips.

“You… interrupted my pancake making… you know,” I managed to mutter between his kisses and his way of making my knees go weak. He pulled back for a second to look at me with raised eyebrows and a pushed-out bottom lip.

“I’m sorry.” I could tell he wasn’t sorry at all, and it didn’t even bother me because he resumed the kiss, cradling me to him like I was something that could break if he let go. I loved it.

“Well,” I said in a long breath once he pulled back again, “Now that you’re here you can help me with my pancakes. I’m hungry.”

“You mean I can cook these pancakes for you,” he stated again. I punched his chest.

“Stop saying what I mean.” I laughed when he grinned a little wider, prying my fingers out of his curls.

“I can’t help the fact that I know you, Lonnie.” He knew me better than anyone.

“Just go fix my pancakes,” I sighed dramatically, biting my lip to hold back any further smile when he rolled his eyes and stepped forward, pushing his jacket sleeves up. I realized that I hadn’t done something in a while and now was the perfect opportunity.

I smacked his butt.

He practically leapt forward and snapped his body around, his cheeks even redder than before. I let out a fit of uncontrollable giggles.

“Hey, now,” he tried to say sternly, but the crack in his voice gave away his embarrassment.

“I do it because I know you secretly love it.” It was getting hard to breathe with so much laughter. He gave me ‘the look.’

“You know I hate it.”

“I know you love it,” I said again, covering my mouth to keep any loud noises from escaping. “And you’re adorable when you’re embarrassed.” I couldn’t tell if he was blushing any harder.

“I’m not embarrassed,” he retorted factually. “Why should I be embarrassed? You’re my wife.” And there was the heart flutter.

“Do you want your pancakes or not?” I tried to mask my laughter with seriousness the best I could, but it didn’t work to well.

“Yes, please.”

“Then keep your hands to yourself.” I nodded slowly and smiled when I saw the glint in his eyes, holding my tongue until he turned around.

“No promises, though.” He glanced at me from over his shoulder just to make sure I hadn’t come any closer. I giggled again.

I watched him pour my mix into the pan slowly, somehow knowing when to stop just as a perfect circle was made. Watching his actions in awe was something I had become used to. But I had a sudden question.

“When do you think we’ll… move in together?” My nervousness was back. I could see him pause for a moment and I was relieved when he didn’t tense up. Things were becoming a little more natural for us.

He was silent for what seemed like a long moment, flipping the pancake when it was time and then adding another once he set it into a plate. I watched the side of his face in an eager manner, allowing my eyes to roam all over his features. He glanced at me and then he spoke.

“We can go to the village… to see my dad.” His voice was softer than I expected, so were his eyes, and it made me feel a little better about all of this. He wanted it too. “We can talk about it with him.”

I nodded eagerly and slid closer, wrapping my arms around him from behind him. I could tell he was tired and even though I had gotten more rest than him I wanted nothing more than to just curl up next to him, my Nicholas. I smiled.

“You’ll eat too, right?” I murmured against the back of his shoulder. I could feel him nod. “And you’ll cuddle with me on the couch?”

“Lonnie…”

“Please?” I pressed my lips to the back of his neck and held him tighter, giggling when I saw the Goosebumps on his skin. He sighed, giving up.

“Alright.”

I didn’t know how much better things could be. All the worries from earlier, the dream and the pain, seemed like a distant memory. Sitting on the couch cuddled up to Nick while eating pancakes was a good way to start any day; I hoped there were more to come like this.