Running From Lions

The next day he was still in bed when I got up to go and see Jack and Jack seemed worried that I’d not really talked to him much yesterday.

“It was cool, he was normal, well he wasn’t normal but old normal,” I said and laughed at how complicated that sounded.

“He was old Jonah, the one I was best friend with not angry Jonah,” I added and he smiled.

“Think it’ll last?” he asked and I shrugged.

“I hope so, anyway what did you do yesterday?” I asked and he smiled.

“Alex came over,” he said and I nodded.

My phone rang and I answered to hear Jonah.

“I’m at Jacks,” I stated.

“Yeah okay,” I said hanging up and then looked at Jack.

“Is it okay if he comes over for a few minutes, he’s going to meet this girl today and…”

“You know you don’t need to justify it, he’s your brother he can come over whenever he wants as long as he’s not causing trouble,” he said and I smiled

There was a knock at the door and Jack answered letting Jonah in.

“Hey sorry but I really need to talk to you,” he said looking at me and Jack smiled.

“I’ll be upstairs if you want me,” he said before walking off and Jonah stood looking at me fidgeting.

“It’s today, what should I do?” he asked and I thought before answering.

“Whatever you want to do Jonah, if you want to meet her then go I you don’t then don’t. This is your decision nobody else’s,” I said and he nodded.

“But I’m bad at decisions so I need help, if I go and she tells me she doesn’t like me then what? But if I don’t go and she wanted to tell me she likes me still I missed out. I just don’t know Rory help,” he begged and I looked at the floor.

“Would you rather miss out on her liking you or be rejected?” I asked and he shrugged.

“I loved her so much,” he stated.

“Jonah your old enough to know what you want. Think about what will happen in both situations, if she tells you she likes you what will you do?” I asked and he smiled.

“Be happy but then look what she did to me the first time around. Can I trust her anymore?” he asked and I shrugged.

“I don’t know, it’s your trust not mine. Some people deserve a second chance but it’s whether your willing to take the risk of them ruining the second chance,” I replied and he nodded.

“What if she rejects you then what?” I asked and he looked at his hands.

“I don’t know, things could go 2 ways. I could be fine, it could be what I need to hear, or it could make things worse. We both know I’m not so good at not having my own way. Both ways could make me happy but both ways could make life harder,” he admitted.

“If it was Marcus what would you do?” he asked and I smiled.

“That’s easy for me, I’d go,” I admitted and he looked shocked.

“Why after everything he did?” he asked and I shrugged.

“If he told me he hated me I wouldn’t care, if he told me he loved me I wouldn’t care. I have Jack so I don’t care what Marcus wants or thinks,” I explained and he nodded.

“Well I don’t have a Jack, but I need to know what she thinks, I guess I’m just not sure I’m ready to hear it yet. She made me into what I am now, I’m just not sure where things will ever go anymore,” he admitted sounding like he was talking more about his life than anything else.

“I wake up in places I don’t know, with people I don’t know. I go for weeks on end moving from place to place to avoid people and to just get away from something that is never leaving my mind. I didn’t even know our ages and I asked mom and I know you lied; I never got you anything for any of your birthdays. You’re my little sister and I’m aware of what I’ve done to you both physically and mentally and I can’t ever take that back,” he stated and I went to speak but he started talking again.

“I’ve hit you, bit up, punished you for things you didn’t do, I’ve stolen from you, threatened you, taken every bit of money you have from you, ruined friendships and relationships, I made you this girl that everyone was fake to just to try and save their own asses and never once did I ever care what I did. Our parents don’t trust me around you, they’re terrified I’ll hurt you and I know your scared of me too, I see you jump every time I move and you think everything through before you say it in case I get angry. You’ve paid to get me out of trouble, you’ve stopped me getting beat up and you’ve always tried to help me even when I didn’t want you to and how many Craig’s have turned up trying to find me?” he asked and I hoped it was rhetorical but by the way he was looking at me it wasn’t.

“Quite a few,” I admitted.

“Exactly and I let them find you. You’re my baby sister and I’m pretty sure big brothers are supposed to look after their sisters, beat people up that upset them and protect them but I don’t I beat you up myself,” he said looking ashamed.

“Yeah but you protect me pretty well, nobody ever hurts me,” I reasoned and he nodded.

“Not for the right reasons. I get wasted and let people know about you and then when I owe them money they come looking for you. It’s logic I guess, if a guy mentions his sister you would go looking for her, if he mentions her then if you took her he might do what you wanted. I guess that’s the way I would work,” he said sitting down.

“Although I think I’m known for my secrets,” he said and I smiled.

“It’s kind of fun knowing everyone’s secrets though, well it makes me smile some days,” I offered and he laughed.

“You should never use them secrets against people Rory,” he warned and I nodded.

“I know and I never tell them, but its still fun to know them sometimes,” I stated.

“Everyone has secrets, some have more than others. I’m your secret and your mine,” he said and I looked at him confused.

He was my secret, I never told people what he was like and I never told people what he did or that regardless I loved him. 2 people knew and they found out because Jonah exposed that side of himself to them and I had no choice but to tell them, them 2 were Jack and Alex and they’d never tell.

But I thought Jonah was Jonah’s secret, his life was his secret, and his addictions were something he tried to keep a secret.

“Your not really a secret, more something I don’t talk about,” I stated and he nodded.

“That’s a secret. You’re a weird secret for me though; I talk about you but your still a secret. Everyone knows you exist but your still a secret,” he said quietly.

“How can I be a secret if everyone knows about me then?” I asked and he smiled.

“Everyone knows you exist and I talk bout you but nobody really knows what you are,” he said confusing me further.

“Everyone around here knows I’m your sister,” I said and he smiled.

“I don’t mean my sister, sure everyone knows you’re my sister but nobody knows what you mean,” he explained.

“What I mean?” I asked confused and he rolled his eyes.

“You know sometimes you can be pretty slow on the up take can’t you?” he asked and I looked at the floor.

“I mean that I love you, I know what I’ve done to you and I know I never cared I did it but I always loved you. I would push you around and hit you but I still loved you. I called you useless and made you feel like crap but I still loved you. If you went then I’d never survive, you’ve saved my ass thousands of times and I am thankful even if I never say I am. I maybe don’t protect you like I should but you know if anyone ever touched you I’d kill them, you’re my baby sister and I’m proud of you. Your clever and sensible and everything I’m not and I don’t deserve you, I’m surprised you even talk to me,” he stated and I smiled.

“You’re my brother Jonah it would take a lot for me to give up on you,” I replied and he smiled.

“You know how that guy knew your name?” he asked and I nodded and he looked surprised.

“You do?” he asked and I nodded.

“Yeah he kind of told me about it,” I said and he laughed.

“Well there goes the big surprise, I’m still going to show you though,” he said taking his shirt off his shoulder to show me the top of his arm and I smiled.

The word Rory was tattooed on the top of his arm with a lion next to it and I laughed.

“The lion right?” he asked smiling and I nodded.

“You always loved them as a kid,” he said putting his shirt back on and I noticed the bruises all over just that part of his body.

“That was because you used to call me Rory lion,” I said and he smiled.

“I was young when you were born and Rory sounds like what lions say,” he said defending himself and I smiled.

“I remember getting it and I thought you’d think I was stupid because of how I treat you so I never showed you, I’ve had it ages though,” he added and I nodded.

“I think I need to go see her don’t I?” he asked and I stayed quiet.

“If she rejects me she rejects me. I’m a big boy I’m sure I can take it and I know I deserve it,” he said standing up.

“Right I’m going to go meet her. I’ll see you at home later,” he said and I stood up walking to the door with him.

“I’m nervous, if that a good thing?” he asked and I nodded.

“It means you care,” I stated and he smiled before hugging me.

“Thanks,” he said before kissing the side of my head.

“I’ll see you later,” he said as I opened the door.

“Yeah good luck,” I said and he smiled walking off.

I watched him before shutting the door crying and I turned around to see Jack.

“Rory babe what did he do to you?” he asked looking worried and I shook my head.

“Nothing, he said he loves me that’s why he got that tattoo,” I said and he smiled.

”See I told you he loves you,” he said hugging me and I smiled.