New To The Feeling

The night's events had left me exhausted. In fact, I felt exhausted for weeks after. The tired feeling never seemed to wear off. Weeks had passed since that night and Wylie and I began spending less and less time together. Within a month we mostly only saw each other during school. The night in the park was mid to late March. It is now late April. School was beginning to prepare for all of the final farewells of the seniors and being one of them is scarier than I initially thought it would be. Classes became challenging, especially with AP testing and finals sooner than we all thought. Two months isn't that long when you really think about it. Prom was also the hot subject among the upperclassmen. Of course I'd be attending with Jake. Who would Wylie take? The thought frequently crossed my mind. I had tried not to think of that day... but how could I not?

"Open your eyes." He said.

"I knew it!" I looked around. It was a hair salon. I should have guessed.

"We're getting you hair done." Wylie smiled at me in the mirror.

"Uh, how done?" I could feel my hands begin to shake. I haven't parted with my long hair in years, I don't know if I could.

"A lot done."

Wylie was smiling. That sharp smile was directed at me at one point. He waved at me just as Felicity ran straight through him to make another goal. He whipped around after and then looked at me, shaking a finger. I laughed. That's when I felt the eyes on me. I turned to see my parents watching me and the silent conversation through the window.

My mind was reeling as we layed there, hand in hand, staring at the sky. I won't pretend I didn't think of Jake. I thought of him many times at that moment, but every time his face came to mind, Wylie adjusted his hand, always holding it tighter afterwards. This should have frightened me; it should have made me want to run, but I didn't want to run. I didn't want to move from that spot. I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs and I wanted to embrace him in the joy of reflection.

I shook the thoughts from my mind, although I did owe Wylie for the confidence boost. My new hair style had been a hit around school. Everyone said it fit my personality, which I figured was a lie because no one seemed to know my personality. Rather, they ignored me like a welcome mat; useful to have around, but doesn't require much attention. This new fiery hair I had obtained was now the icebreaker for most conversations. People would walk up and say "Hey, Skylar! I like your hair!" The oddest part was, I didn't know these people knew my name. I assumed I was the topic of some interesting conversations because of Jake, but I never thought I'd receive any publicity for anything, ever. The bellybutton ring remained a secret, though. My parents would never have allowed me to get it done, so I'm sure they'd make me remove it. I had become accustom to it and didn't want to get rid of it. There were only a total of three people who knew I had it; Beth, Wylie and me. I didn't tell Jake. He knew Wylie had paid for my haircut, but I wasn't about to tell him he held my hand (more than once in truth) while someone pushed a hollow metal pin through my navel. Yeah, that one stays a secret.

"Hey." I turned to see a familiar face.

"Hi, Beth." I responded.

"What's going on?" She asked as we walked together out to the school parking lot towards our respective cars.

"Nothing really. How about you?" I glanced down at my feet.

"Eh, nothing. Pretty lame lately." She said plainly.

"Ditto." I paused, trying to come up with something else to say.

The truth is, life had been fairly boring since Wylie and I weren't hanging out as often. When Wylie was around, Beth and I would get together and gossip about the new adventure I had gone on, but with him gone, we didn't have much to talk about because the boyfriend subject was getting old. Of course, there was the subject of college, summer and various other things that went along with graduation, although there isn't much to say until it happens.

"I'm bored." Beth said suddenly.

"Me too." I agreed.

"No, not just bored right now... I'm bored." She had repeated that same statement and I looked at her as we stopped at my car.

"I get that you're bored. You just said that." I was completely confused.

"Sky, I need something new. I need something to talk about. All of my sports are over and Wylie stopped hanging out with you and I'm really sick of Jake and that girl..." Beth shut her mouth and looked at me, just about to spill out tears from her eyes like and overflowing dam.

"What girl?" I was taken back by the sound of that girl.

The dam broke just then, "Oh, Sky, I'm so sorry. I wasn't going to say anything. It's not anything serious, I mean..."

"Shh," I shushed Beth, "You don't have to cover for him to save me. I'll just call him later." Beth just nodded as she turned to walk to her car.

I unlocked the door and got in. I turned the key in the ignition and drove out of the school parking lot and towards the ocean. My mind was blank and there was a wrinkle in time so that I arrived at the beach faster than I could even imagine. I parked, left my things in the car, but my keys and walked directly to the boardwalk. I walked leisurely to the shoreline after removing my shoes and adjusting my pants. I let the water flood over my feet and the wet sand beneath them. With my eyes closed I spread my arms with my palms to the sky and breathed heavily. My mind was at ease, but my heart was a mess. I removed myself from the water and sat on the dry sand out of reach of the tide. I reached into my pocket, where I kept my cell phone, and opened it to dial Jake's number.

"Hello?" Jake answered after three rings.

"Hi." I managed.

"Hey, girl. What's up?" He was out of breath.

"What are you doing?" I asked curiously.

"I was playing tennis with some of the guys." He responded. I have no reason to believe he's lying, except for the inclination of the other girl.

"Oh, well I kind of need to talk to you. It's urgent." I ran my fingers through the sand.

"You kind of need to or it's urgent?" He repeated back to me.

"It's urgent." I stated simply.

"Ok, what do you need?" He asked.

"I need to see you, first." I wasn't going to take 'no' for an answer, either.

"Ok, where are you?"

***

I sat in Starbucks off of PCH(Pacific Coast Highway). The door swung open and in walked Jake wearing a pair of work-out shorts and white t-shirt. He came over and kissed me on the forehead before sitting down, just as he always did. Either he knew I knew, or he had no clue. This should be interesting.

"Hi." He said, opening the water bottle he had been carrying.

"Hi." I responed.

"What's going on?" He seemed to know nothing of what I was about to ask, but I wasn't about to beat around the bush.

"Look, I'm going to be extremely forward with you. We've been seeing each other long enough to know that we should be able to do that." He just nodded, "I heard, through the great vine, that there is some other girl." I threw up a hand to stop him from talking so I could continue, "I don't know anything other than that. I had heard that something about you and that girl was annoying, but that is all I've heard. I needed to bring it to your attention that I know and I want an explanation."

"Do you think I'm cheating?" His face was laced with anger, though subtle.

"No, but I would like to know what this is anyway." I rebuked.

"Her name is Jana. She's my physics partner. We have a final project together." At this, he took another drink of his water. It all seemed fishy. How would Beth know? She's not in physics?

"Can you explain to me why some other people would see this partnership and be concerned for me?" I didn't want to waste any time.

"Eh," He was dodging, "I don't know. People see things and think the worst. I mean, we've seen each other outside of school in like Starbucks and stuff, but it was to work on our project." He rolled his eyes. This all was suspicious behavior.

"How extensive is this project?" I couldn't imagine any final project taking two months to complete, but what do I know about physics?

"It's pretty detailed. There's a ten page research paper involved and there has to be a visual for the presentation." He shrugged like there was nothing going on. His confidence and cool behavior only made me more suspicious, although I probably shouldn't have been.

"Oh." This is the only thing I could think of.

"Skylar, I'm not cheating on you." He took hold of my hand. At the touch of our skin, the tears began to trickle, but not sobs like you would think a devistated girlfriend would be crying. "Skylar, please." He begged.

"I can't help it, Jake." I stated.

"Why?" He said.

"We're drifting. You know it, I know it. I think everyone knows it. School will be over in two months. Then we have three months of summer, but not really because college starts in August. You're going to the east coast. We've already had this discussion." I was becoming angry and speaking louder than I should be.

"We may be drifting, but we're not passed saving." He tried so hard to be reassuring.

"Maybe we are." I mumbled.

"What?"

"Nothing." I couldn't bare to say it again.

"Sky, we're not going to end this. I love you too much." I looked into his eyes. That same face that I'd fallen in love with so long ago was staring back at me.

"I know." It was all I could say.

Jake leaned in and held me tight. I was safe with him. Jake was safe. Do I want safe? Is safe the right thing? How will I know the world if all I do is play it safe?

The front door swung open. In stepped a beautiful girl with blonde straight hair down to her hips. She was thin, but had curves like I'd never seen on a teenager. She wore dark make-up around her eyes. Behind her entered a boy of the same age.

"Hey!" Jake yelled.

"Oh hi!" The girl trotted over. Jake stood to give her a hug then turned to me, "This is Jana."

My mouth dropped... no wonder everyone was talking."Hi, I'm..."

"Skylar," She cut me off, "You're the girlfriend. Jake talks a lot about you."

I just nodded. I didn't get a good look at the guy she was with, but I think Jake knew him. He was staring in his direction, but blocking my view. I looked to Jana who was standing in front of me with one hip jutting out. She was beautiful, don't get me wrong, but she was not the kind of girl that you would think was in a physics class. I looked her up and down, when I passed her hips I noticed a small flower where some of her skin was exposed. The girl has a flower tattoo I thought. I was no longer worried about Jake and her. She was too gorgeous to waste her time with Jake, no matter how cute he is. Just then, as I was staring at her hip, a familiar hand wrapped around her side. I looked up to see the owner of the hand.

"Hi." Wylie said happily.

That is when I felt the rage begin to boil inside me.