New To The Feeling
When It All Comes Down
I began to hear the quiet chirping of birds outside the window. I snuggled against the pillow under my head and sighed. I felt unmatchably comfortable. Well, that was until I realized that the pillow I was lying on, was really Wylie’s chest. His arms were wrapped around my back. I blinked a couple times but didn’t move. I felt Wylie stir underneath me. I looked up at him and smiled unintentionally. He smiled back. I sat up and pulled out of his arms. I looked to the floor where Beth and Greg were sharing a blanket and they both had pillows. I glanced back over to Wylie who was half asleep still. I stood up and quietly left the room. I headed to the back door. Off the back of my house was a beautiful view of a canyon that lead towards the sea. You couldn’t see the ocean from my house, but I knew that’s where it went and it was comforting. Behind me came steps followed by someone wrapping a blanket around my shoulders. Wylie sat down next to me.
We sat in silence at first just enjoying the crisp morning air. I was tired still, but something had woken me up. As we sat there, the clouds danced and moved slowly over us. The sun was barely lighting the sky, but hiding behind the canyon hills. I could here the birds singing with a few crows being obnoxious. The wind was blowing my still hair-sprayed and perfectly set hair across my face. I finally looked at Wylie. He had been looking at me and looked away. I smiled and turned back. We played this little game for a little while before we both looked at each other at the same time. Without notice Wylie kissed me. It was a quick kiss, but cute. He pulled away and looked at me to see if I would respond. I didn’t say anything. I just sat there staring at him. I was shocked, but I wasn’t at the same time.
“I’m sorry?” Wylie said unsure of himself.
I quickly leaned in and kissed him back. This time it was longer with his hand on my neck just underneath my ear. He ran his thumb across my cheek. He pulled away with my eyes still closed. I sighed.
My mind was going 100 miles an hour. I was reeling. I’m freshly single! What am I doing?! I’m doing what’s right. I’m doing what I want. I’m being free.
“You are the only person I feel completely comfortable with. I’m free to be myself.” Wylie said as I opened my eyes. I didn’t respond, “I guess because I’ve told you everything about myself I just feel like I can be confident that you won’t go and tell everyone. I feel like I don’t have to hide from what is around me and I can just let you know that I love you.” My eyes grew big as Wylie shut up fast. He had obviously said it on accident. Not to say that it wasn’t true, but he didn’t mean to say it now.
“Wylie—“
“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have—“ I interrupted him.
“Wylie, stop.” I pressed my finger against his lips, “C’mere.” I gestured for him to join me underneath the blanket and he did, “Wylie, I can’t respond in the same way because I’m just now as of four hours ago single. I can’t say that I’m prepared for anything right now, not after last night. I think I like you, but I guess I’m not sure because it feels so different with you.”
“I know what you mean.” He interjected.
“Well, I just need time.”
“Take everything you need. I will always wait.” I blushed at that comment.
How can someone’s life turn around in such a short period of time? Within hours? No one goes through life prepared for what comes next. No one can predict the actions of others and sometimes we don’t even know what we will do ourselves. Our lives are planned by someone so much bigger than us. The truth in life is something that we can only just barely understand. We watch our lives pass us by. We see our dreams played out by others because we don’t have the guts or the means to get there. I guess what comes to mind is that the world is full of lonely people looking for something to connect with. We are all lonely. We all feel pain. How lucky are we to find someone we connect with? For the first time in a very, very long time, underneath a blanket in my back yard watching God’s creation, I don’t feel lonely.
I leaned over and rested my head on Wylie’s shoulder. He wrapped his arm around my shoulder as we sat there quietly.
***
Beth and I returned upstairs to my room to change into regular day clothes. It was about 10 AM and I was preparing to drive Wylie home. Greg had his car and had left already for work. Wylie was downstairs asleep on my couch in the media room.
“So, do you like him?” Beth asked.
“Well, I don’t know.” I said. You see at this point, I’m very confused. I used to hate him. I wanted to kill him most of the time. Now, here I am falling for the very guy, but I’m not quite sure if I’m falling or if I’m just looking for an excuse not to be lonely.
“What do you mean you don’t know?” She glared at me.
“I guess I’m just afraid that I only ‘like’ him because I’m vulnerable.” I sighed. It was all so confusing.
“Yeah, I can understand that. We all look for excuses not to be alone.”
“He kissed me again.” I said simply.
“What?!” Beth yelled and then covered her mouth.
“Yeah. I woke up at about five or so and sat outside. He brought out a blanket and we sat there looking at the sunrise. We did the whole look and look away tango kinda thing until we looked at the same time,” I shrugged, “and he kissed me.”
“Wow. Was it weird?”
“Well, he tried to apologize and I, uh… kissed him.”
“What!?!?” Beth yelled louder, but this time didn’t silence herself.
“Yeah. I don’t know.” I was sitting on the floor and now flopped over on my side in a huff.
“You like him.”
“I don’t know.”
“Listen to me, Sky. YOU….LIKE….HIM. End of story.”
“C’mon, seriously?” I was doubting myself. That or it was denial.
“Yes, seriously. People who don’t like someone would be awkward because of the kiss… you seem confused, which means you have a conflicting feelings about him. Rightfully so. You just broke up with Jake last night and now you’ve got someone you like and you can like him because you’re single, but you’re so out of the game you don’t know what it feels like to be crushing on someone anymore.”
“I love when you think for me, Beth.”
“Anytime.”
I failed to mention he said he loved me.
***
I had dropped Beth off and was now at Wylie’s house. I shut down the car and we sat there for a minute. I glanced at him out of the corner of my eye. He was twiddling his thumbs strangely. I looked at him and tilted my head while making a scrunched up face. This got him to laugh but only for a moment before he looked down again. I moved closer and did it again but now in his face. He laughed but kissed me this time. I should have known he’d do that. I don’t know why I didn’t think of it, but I kissed back.
“I gotta go.” Wylie said.
“I know. I’ll see you later.” I responded.
“Ok.”
Wylie stepped out of the car and headed towards his front door with his keys in hand. I waited a moment. He began to open the door, but turned around to wave. Out of nowhere a hand reached out the door and wrapped around Wylie’s neck. I gasped in fear as what must be his stepfather threw Wylie to the ground, smashing his head against concrete walkway. My heart had stopped, but I somehow managed to get out of my car. I ran over to house as I watched his stepfather throw blows at Wylie’s face. Wylie had tried to fight, but was crushed under his stepfather’s legs. Without thinking I wrapped my arms around his stepfather’s neck. I don’t know what made me think I could take a full-grown man, but I can tell you that it wasn’t my common sense. Garret, his stepfather, shook free of my arms, stood and walked towards me menacingly. I back away in complete terror. He grabbed my arm and pulled me towards him, wrapping on arm around my waist and holding me pressed against him. I struggled to move away, but couldn’t. He then pressed his cheek against mine.
“You’re a pretty little thing.” He stated quietly. His breath reeked of alcohol.
I tried to pull away but he just tightened his grip. I began to panic, but suddenly he released. It took a moment before I realized Wylie had managed to get up and pull him away from me. Wylie tried to push him away unsuccessfully. I watched through tears as Wylie took a fierce blow to the temple, knocking him cold to the floor. Garret returned to me and threw me to the ground. He kicked me in the back of the head and my vision began to tunnel.
I blacked out just after faintly hearing him say, “You worthless little tramp.”
We sat in silence at first just enjoying the crisp morning air. I was tired still, but something had woken me up. As we sat there, the clouds danced and moved slowly over us. The sun was barely lighting the sky, but hiding behind the canyon hills. I could here the birds singing with a few crows being obnoxious. The wind was blowing my still hair-sprayed and perfectly set hair across my face. I finally looked at Wylie. He had been looking at me and looked away. I smiled and turned back. We played this little game for a little while before we both looked at each other at the same time. Without notice Wylie kissed me. It was a quick kiss, but cute. He pulled away and looked at me to see if I would respond. I didn’t say anything. I just sat there staring at him. I was shocked, but I wasn’t at the same time.
“I’m sorry?” Wylie said unsure of himself.
I quickly leaned in and kissed him back. This time it was longer with his hand on my neck just underneath my ear. He ran his thumb across my cheek. He pulled away with my eyes still closed. I sighed.
My mind was going 100 miles an hour. I was reeling. I’m freshly single! What am I doing?! I’m doing what’s right. I’m doing what I want. I’m being free.
“You are the only person I feel completely comfortable with. I’m free to be myself.” Wylie said as I opened my eyes. I didn’t respond, “I guess because I’ve told you everything about myself I just feel like I can be confident that you won’t go and tell everyone. I feel like I don’t have to hide from what is around me and I can just let you know that I love you.” My eyes grew big as Wylie shut up fast. He had obviously said it on accident. Not to say that it wasn’t true, but he didn’t mean to say it now.
“Wylie—“
“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have—“ I interrupted him.
“Wylie, stop.” I pressed my finger against his lips, “C’mere.” I gestured for him to join me underneath the blanket and he did, “Wylie, I can’t respond in the same way because I’m just now as of four hours ago single. I can’t say that I’m prepared for anything right now, not after last night. I think I like you, but I guess I’m not sure because it feels so different with you.”
“I know what you mean.” He interjected.
“Well, I just need time.”
“Take everything you need. I will always wait.” I blushed at that comment.
How can someone’s life turn around in such a short period of time? Within hours? No one goes through life prepared for what comes next. No one can predict the actions of others and sometimes we don’t even know what we will do ourselves. Our lives are planned by someone so much bigger than us. The truth in life is something that we can only just barely understand. We watch our lives pass us by. We see our dreams played out by others because we don’t have the guts or the means to get there. I guess what comes to mind is that the world is full of lonely people looking for something to connect with. We are all lonely. We all feel pain. How lucky are we to find someone we connect with? For the first time in a very, very long time, underneath a blanket in my back yard watching God’s creation, I don’t feel lonely.
I leaned over and rested my head on Wylie’s shoulder. He wrapped his arm around my shoulder as we sat there quietly.
***
Beth and I returned upstairs to my room to change into regular day clothes. It was about 10 AM and I was preparing to drive Wylie home. Greg had his car and had left already for work. Wylie was downstairs asleep on my couch in the media room.
“So, do you like him?” Beth asked.
“Well, I don’t know.” I said. You see at this point, I’m very confused. I used to hate him. I wanted to kill him most of the time. Now, here I am falling for the very guy, but I’m not quite sure if I’m falling or if I’m just looking for an excuse not to be lonely.
“What do you mean you don’t know?” She glared at me.
“I guess I’m just afraid that I only ‘like’ him because I’m vulnerable.” I sighed. It was all so confusing.
“Yeah, I can understand that. We all look for excuses not to be alone.”
“He kissed me again.” I said simply.
“What?!” Beth yelled and then covered her mouth.
“Yeah. I woke up at about five or so and sat outside. He brought out a blanket and we sat there looking at the sunrise. We did the whole look and look away tango kinda thing until we looked at the same time,” I shrugged, “and he kissed me.”
“Wow. Was it weird?”
“Well, he tried to apologize and I, uh… kissed him.”
“What!?!?” Beth yelled louder, but this time didn’t silence herself.
“Yeah. I don’t know.” I was sitting on the floor and now flopped over on my side in a huff.
“You like him.”
“I don’t know.”
“Listen to me, Sky. YOU….LIKE….HIM. End of story.”
“C’mon, seriously?” I was doubting myself. That or it was denial.
“Yes, seriously. People who don’t like someone would be awkward because of the kiss… you seem confused, which means you have a conflicting feelings about him. Rightfully so. You just broke up with Jake last night and now you’ve got someone you like and you can like him because you’re single, but you’re so out of the game you don’t know what it feels like to be crushing on someone anymore.”
“I love when you think for me, Beth.”
“Anytime.”
I failed to mention he said he loved me.
***
I had dropped Beth off and was now at Wylie’s house. I shut down the car and we sat there for a minute. I glanced at him out of the corner of my eye. He was twiddling his thumbs strangely. I looked at him and tilted my head while making a scrunched up face. This got him to laugh but only for a moment before he looked down again. I moved closer and did it again but now in his face. He laughed but kissed me this time. I should have known he’d do that. I don’t know why I didn’t think of it, but I kissed back.
“I gotta go.” Wylie said.
“I know. I’ll see you later.” I responded.
“Ok.”
Wylie stepped out of the car and headed towards his front door with his keys in hand. I waited a moment. He began to open the door, but turned around to wave. Out of nowhere a hand reached out the door and wrapped around Wylie’s neck. I gasped in fear as what must be his stepfather threw Wylie to the ground, smashing his head against concrete walkway. My heart had stopped, but I somehow managed to get out of my car. I ran over to house as I watched his stepfather throw blows at Wylie’s face. Wylie had tried to fight, but was crushed under his stepfather’s legs. Without thinking I wrapped my arms around his stepfather’s neck. I don’t know what made me think I could take a full-grown man, but I can tell you that it wasn’t my common sense. Garret, his stepfather, shook free of my arms, stood and walked towards me menacingly. I back away in complete terror. He grabbed my arm and pulled me towards him, wrapping on arm around my waist and holding me pressed against him. I struggled to move away, but couldn’t. He then pressed his cheek against mine.
“You’re a pretty little thing.” He stated quietly. His breath reeked of alcohol.
I tried to pull away but he just tightened his grip. I began to panic, but suddenly he released. It took a moment before I realized Wylie had managed to get up and pull him away from me. Wylie tried to push him away unsuccessfully. I watched through tears as Wylie took a fierce blow to the temple, knocking him cold to the floor. Garret returned to me and threw me to the ground. He kicked me in the back of the head and my vision began to tunnel.
I blacked out just after faintly hearing him say, “You worthless little tramp.”