New To The Feeling

The ride home was uneventful. We made some small chat and managed to keep away form awkward silences. I quietly tried to rid myself of my car sickness. The blow to the back of my head was still affecting my vision and the inability to focus was ruining my natural ability to keep level.

Jake dropped me off at my house and left quickly. I was happy that we were on speaking terms. I truly hoped that things would get better. Wylie had seemed to only make things more complicated and at this point, I just wanted everything back to the way it was… unfortunately, I knew that wouldn’t happen.

I opened the door slowly and shut it behind me.

“Where have you been!?” came my mother’s southern accent from another room. She entered wiping her hands on a dish towel. I always knew she was worried when she was cleaning something.

“I stopped at the hospital before coming home. Sorry, I should have called.” I said simply as I threw my gear onto the floor of the entry.

“Oh, honey, you need to call every time. I was so worried something happened to you!” My mother rushed over and held me close.

“Mom, seriously!” I struggled to pull from her grip, “I’m fine. What’s the likelihood of something happening to me twice in one week?”

I freed myself from her arms.

“Ok, ok. Well, dinner will be ready in an hour or so.” She left the room.

Felicity thumped down the stairs as I passed them.

“Hi, Felicity.” I glanced up at her.

“It’s Felix.” She argued.

“Ok…” I continued walking.

“Hey, Sky?” Felicity’s girlish voice came through stronger than usual.

I turned to face her, “Yeah?”

“Can I ask you something?” Her cheeks blushed a warm shade of pink.

“Sure, anything.” I bubbled at the idea of my sister needing me for something.

“Uh,” She began to whisper, “can we talk upstairs? I don’t want mom getting all into this.”

I furrowed my eyebrows, but nodded nonetheless. Felicity turned and I followed her upstairs to her room.

Felicity’s room was not exactly what one would expect. The hockey player inside her showed through her walls plastered with posters of her favorite players and teams, but underneath that boyish mess was a pale shade of green. Her bedding was pastel green, blue and pink checkers. A wall unit took up the wall to the left as you entered, doubling as a head board to her bed. The unit was shelves of books, stuffed animals, and pictures of her with her friends. Her room mimicked my room. I had a similar wall unit, but rather than a headboard so my bed stuck out in the room like Felicity’s, my bed sat parallel to the wall with shelves all around.

Something about Felicity always fascinated me. She was herself, never hiding her passions and frustrations, but at the same time she could be reserved, only letting out so much of herself. Her mild temper was countered by her witty nature; a trait she no doubt inherited from my brother. I was always the emotional one. I had the problems, the struggles and all the happenings. My brother was the happy-go-lucky child with the wonderful sense of humor and Felicity was the sporty one and well rounded. I envied my siblings to an extent. I have always been happy with myself. I’ve never had a reason not to. I was more emotional, but I think it added to my life. Nothing was ever boring.

Felicity opened her window to let in some air. I sat on the end of her bed. She then crossed the room to shut the door behind me. Her young emerging figure sat on the floor against the wall underneath her window. I waited for her to start.

“Do you like that Wylie guy?” Felicity spoke suddenly.

“What? Why are you asking me that?” I was surprised by her question.

“I was just wondering.”

“Is that what you wanted to ask me, Felicity?” I was confused by her, but curious all the same.

“No.” She looked down to her fidgeting hands, failing to correct my misnaming her.

“Ok, so what do you need?”

Felicity sighed deeply before looking up at me, “Am I too much of a boy?”

I sat and thought a moment. This was a touchy subject and I didn’t want to hurt her feelings. She is sporty and strong. She is all these things that I could never be, all these things that I wouldn’t be able to do.

“You’re not a boy,” I examined my words, “you have some boyish qualities.”

“I think I need to quit hockey.” She interrupted. I could see a tear fall down her cheek, she was quick to wipe it away.

“No, Felicity. You are a fantastic hockey player. The fact that you can keep up with the boys doesn’t make you a boy, it just makes the boys wussy,” I waited for her to look at me, “you are fine the way you are. Don’t ever doubt your talent just because you think you may be a little tougher than most girls.”

“So, what do I do if—“ She stopped speaking, with no intention to continue.

“What?”

“What if I, maybe, ya know, like a guy on my hockey team?” Her cheeks began to glow red.

I laughed, “Oh, I see.”

“Don’t laugh at me!” She hollered.

“I’m not laughing at you, per se. I just think its funny you’d come to me.”

“Who else am I supposed to go to?” She was frustrated with me. I could tell by the way she clenched her jaw.

“No, no, no, I want you to come to me with this kind of thing. I’m sorry. So, tell me about him?”

“Well, he’s one of the best players on the team. He starts every game and usually puts us in the lead.”

I inched towards her, “What’s his name?”

“Adam.” I could feel how much she liked him by the way his name sounded her mouth. It sounds weird saying it now, but I know I’ve done the same thing with Wylie’s name.

The conversation continued at a fairly even pace. Usually she would start a sentence, trail off and I would have to ask a question to get it out of her. I knew she was strong, but it never occurred to me that she was strong in the boy-type subjects, not the boy subject. I gave her as much advice as I could. I even shared a few of my woes with her regarding Wylie, Jake and Jana. She seemed to understand. I was glad that I could finally relate to my sister on some level. It never occurred to me before that my sister may actually need my help at one point or another.

I guess we all need help sometimes.

***

The following day my mother made up the guest room downstairs for Wylie. After school I went with her to check him out of the hospital. He needed serious tending to after his surgery. Now, it all seems so mild, but I knew that this kind of injury was quite serious. Serious enough that there really was only a 50% chance of living prior to the surgery.

We brought him home and settled him into the room. My mother left Wylie and I alone in the guest room while she left to retrieve Felicity from school and to take her hockey practice. We relaxed quietly for some time before anyone said anything.

“Thanks.” Wylie said under his breath.

“No problem.” I stated hollowly.

“Skylar?” I glanced over at him.

“Yeah?”

“What is it going to take to win you back?” His face looked stone cold and his eyes piercing.

“You don’t have to win me back.” I was confused. Where is this coming from?

“I’m sorry.”

“Why are you sorry? We’ve been through this—“ He pressed a finger against my lips.

“I’m sorry for everything. I’ve always been a mess of a person. You are the first friend I’ve ever had. You saw me and not my hair or my clothes, but me. You saw passed the outward me and found… I don’t even know what to call it. You just found me.”

I sat in silence, not even a thought came into my mind. I didn’t know how to respond. I didn’t know what to say or what to think. I didn’t mean to find him. I just wanted to be nice to him.

“How did you get home yesterday?” Wylie asked out of the blue.

“Uh, oddly enough, Jake was outside the hospital. He gave me a ride.”

“So, you two are talking again? On good terms?” He asked softly.

“Yeah. We decided to start over.” I wasn’t about to lie to him about it.

‘Oh’ was all Wylie said before I left him in the room to rest. I had left a house phone next to his bed with my cell phone number on the table so he could contact me if I wasn’t around or even upstairs.

And I thought Meredith’s choice on Grey’s Anatomy was hard…