New To The Feeling

We returned home at about 12:30 AM after dropping off Adam. Kyle and Jeff said goodbye and drove off in Jeff’s car. Felicity looked to me and then to Jake. She walked by and smiled. After unlocking the door, she entered, leaving Jake and me alone.

We stood quietly for along while. I scraped the bottom of my shoes on the curb with my hands behind my back. Jake was looking up at the sky, but at nothing in particular. Across the street a dog barked as the neighbor’s lights turned out in the house. The street was quiet. My neighborhood had always been that way. They all went to bed early, in most cases and the kids all played outside during the summer. My mind was wandering from one insignificant thing to another. Nothing was really bothering me and nothing was really wrong, I just had an uneasy feeling that I couldn’t quite describe. It wasn’t that I was alone with Jake, or that Wylie was in my house. It was as if there was some unspoken secret that I was yet to find out about.

Jake’s eyes were fastened on the moon. I don’t think he was in a romantic mood, but was just stuck in a glare, one of those glares that are just comfortable. One of those glares that you can fully function mentally, but its so comfortable you don’t want to bother breaking out of it. Usually someone snaps their fingers in your face breaking you from the stare, which in return makes you angry. If it is just one of those days, you will find something new to stare at and the process begins again. I watched his face closely. I had learned to read his every flinch. Nothing got by me. His mouth was held tightly, but not awkwardly. His eyes were squinting and fixated on the sky while his hands fidgeted, his fingers entwined, seemingly enjoying each other’s company. I could see the wheels turning in his head, his mind never fully at ease.

I turned to walk away, but could not get my feet to move any further. It was a moment where your mind said run and your body said stay. My body won. I turned back to face him. I was up on the curb, he was below me, just barely, standing on the street. Our eyes never meeting as we both let our gazes wander. I look to the end of the street, ignoring the uncomfortable and curious silence. I can feel his eyes on me, I know he is staring and I refused to look. I let my arms swing at my side while I continue to divert my eyes. Softly, I feel his hand come up underneath mine in such a fluid manner, I never would have notice if it hadn’t been for him breaking the silence.

“It’s been a while, Sky.” He said quietly as he lifted my hand and examined it.

“Yeah.” I stated indifferently.

He continued to examine my hand while I ignored it to the best of my ability. The cool air swept down the street, giving me goose bumps. Jake noticed and ran his hand up my arm on my exposed skin. The slight movement warmed me, but gave me a different kind of goose bumps. Why am I feeling this way? I should be careful. I can’t imagine him forgiving me or wanting me back so soon. Or maybe he does? Then what do I do?

“You lost the bet.” Jake interrupted.

“I know…” I stuttered slightly.

“It’s ok, you don’t have to go through with it. I won’t be offended, I mean of all things, that was a lot to ask.” He turned his face away, dropping my hand from his.

I turned to face him. I place my hands on his shoulders so that he was square with me, his height just barely over me even with me standing on the curb above him.

“I don’t back down on a bet.” I reassured him.

“Oh—“ was all he got out before I leaned in and kissed him on the lips lightly, just enough to let him know I was still there, but not enough to really get him going.

I pulled away and smiled. My heart raced a thousand times a minute. My mind was racing at the speed of light. Something about that was so natural, but at the same time, it felt like a first time.

There was something new between us. I’m not sure whether it had been the fact that we were apart or that another girl had interfered, but either way, it still felt different. By different, I don’t mean strange, but new and refreshing. It was as if our friendship and relationship were starting entirely new and better than before. I giggled a bit at my thoughts. I could see Jake give a faint smile in the darkness of the night. I pulled him in for a hug.

We stood there in a strong embrace for a long time. I didn’t mean to do that, it just seemed to happen. I could feel his heart beat, hear him breath and smell the familiar musk of his cologne. I nuzzled my face into his neck, just as I had always done.

“I’m so glad we’re not fighting.” Jake finally said, breaking the silence.

“Me too.” I pulled back a little.

“I’m so sorry that all this happened this way. Looking at it from your point of view has made me understand that I was being a complete ass. I didn’t mean to. I honestly was just trying to help out a friend who didn’t have good grades, or a date to prom.” Jake rambled.

“Jake, I know.” I stated simply. He raised an eyebrow.

“You do?” He questioned.

“Yeah, and I’m sorry too. I was so caught up in hanging out and fixing Wylie that I began to neglect you.” I pleaded my innocence.

“You didn’t neglect me.” He tried to argue.

“I did! I thought I was going to fix Wylie. I thought I could help him. I thought that it was all possible, but in the end of it all, Wylie was the one who fixed me.” I pulled away in embarrassment.

“What are you talking about?”

“Wylie has a lot to offer, he just doesn’t use it on people who aren’t willing to listen. Well, I listened. He taught me to loosen up and realize that… I may not be gorgeous or perfect or super intelligent, but I’m me and there is no one else that can do that. I have a fire burning inside me that I was terrified of. I’ve never felt more open and more… more me.” I trailed off. I couldn’t believe I had just said all that out loud.

“Sky,” Jake smiled, “I always knew that about you. I guess I just didn’t have the personality or the means to bring it out in you. You needed someone who was going to fight with you.”

“But I’m done, Jake. I adore Wylie for what he did for me, but I don’t think that I need to keep him around. Eventually he won’t be around to bring out the best and worst in me. He’s been so unconventional. Ugh, I don’t know.” I began to feel the frustration.

Wylie had done so much for me without even knowing it. I was no longer afraid to fight with people or to stand up for myself. Nothing durastic had happened, minus the incedent with his stepfather. My mind was at ease. I was ok with letting Wylie go back to being obnoxious, unkempt Wylie. He had a charisma about him that kept me and many other girls curious. I don’t know if he did it on purpose, but he most definitely managed to hook plenty of girls from all kinds of backgrounds. I wanted so badly to be able to love him, but I knew it wasn’t going to work out. He was too free of a spirit. Nothing would ever hold him back or make him settle down. Not that settling down is what I wanted to focus on as a teenager, but it is something worth considering.

I glanced up at the moon and back down at Jake. I smiled a brief smile, letting him know that I am ok and the frustration will subside.

“I’m so glad you asked for me.” Jake said as he held me.

“Wait, when did I ask for you?” I pulled away.

“When Wylie called to let me know that you would be showing up at the hospital a few days ago.” Jake said trying to remind me.

“I never asked for you to come, Jake.”