Status: Hiatus until further notice.
Just Let It Go
Two
“You remember our story, right?” mother asked me as I gulped down the rest of my tea. I raised an eyebrow.
“Story?” I asked her. She sighed in frustration.
“You were in the exchange program for four years so you lived in various European countries,” she reminded me and I suppressed the urge to roll my eyes.
What mattered most to my mother was other people’s opinion. God forbid someone found out the truth.
I nodded and dropped my toast. I wanted to get out of the house.
“And if they ask what countries you say-“ my mother continued but I cut her off.
“Germany, Poland and Russia,” I recited and turned to her. “I know mom, I remember.” My mother nodded approvingly and I saw that she wanted to hug me. She wanted to encourage me. I raised my hand awkwardly and waved as I left the house.
I’ve never gone to a public high school before. From the age of five to eight I was tutored at home. From then on I went to a private school in Port Angeles until I was 13 and then… well then the incident happened.
I shook my head to get rid of the thoughts. My new school was coming into view. I took a deep breath as I walked into the school, holding my map and schedule ready.
My first class was literature. I hoped they didn’t have anything hard on their list. I took a seat in the middle of the class and watched as other students piled in. Some gave me curious looks, others ignored me. I was glad I came in the beginning of the year, I wouldn’t be the only one not to know people.
The teacher, Mr. Graven, was a no-nonsense kind of man. He got straight to work. And the first book we would be discussing was The Giver by Lois Lowry. When asked who read this book, I was the only one who shyly raised their hand.
The day passed by quickly. I had kept pretty much to myself but there were a few people that struck up some conversations with me. It was the regular ‘can I borrow a pen?’ type of thing. Nobody asked about my past; I’m sure my mother would be thrilled.
I came home to an empty house. I was used to it and I was partially glad that no one was home. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t have any homework and my lack of friends didn’t help my social lives.
I was sure the people from Elizabethan Preparatory have forgotten me. And even if they didn’t, I doubt their parents would want them to hang out with someone like me.
I decided to watch T.V. Child block. Great. Only Animal Planet wasn’t blocked.
No internet. No T.V. I could only go for a walk but as I grabbed a hoodie to go outside I noticed a note one the refrigerator.
Sophie.
There are some fresh vegetables in the refrigerator. Do not eat anything else; I would hate for you to spoil your appetite.
I shall be home at 7 o’clock sharp. Please finish all your homework.
Love Mom
P.S. NO MATTER WHAT, STAY OUT OF THE WOODS
Stay out of the woods? But they surrounded us! The whole town consisted of ‘the woods’.
I kept my anger under control. The doctors have reminded me countless amount of time that anger was ‘my enemy’. It would trigger all those unwanted memories that they’ve tried so hard to get rid of.
Like the perfect daughter I know my mother wanted me to be, I cleaned the house, prepared the supper, and wrote an essay for Lit class that was due in a month.
My parents and sister came home. We had supper; we watched a PG-rated movie together. We all went to bed promptly at 10.
To a stranger our family might seem perfect but I’m no stranger. I saw how dysfunctional our family was and I pitied all of us: my mother for trying to make everything perfect but it all backfiring on her, our father for being forced to be under my mother’s control, my sister for having to deal with this family.
As I lay in bed that night, I knew that I needed to find some kind of escape.
“Story?” I asked her. She sighed in frustration.
“You were in the exchange program for four years so you lived in various European countries,” she reminded me and I suppressed the urge to roll my eyes.
What mattered most to my mother was other people’s opinion. God forbid someone found out the truth.
I nodded and dropped my toast. I wanted to get out of the house.
“And if they ask what countries you say-“ my mother continued but I cut her off.
“Germany, Poland and Russia,” I recited and turned to her. “I know mom, I remember.” My mother nodded approvingly and I saw that she wanted to hug me. She wanted to encourage me. I raised my hand awkwardly and waved as I left the house.
I’ve never gone to a public high school before. From the age of five to eight I was tutored at home. From then on I went to a private school in Port Angeles until I was 13 and then… well then the incident happened.
I shook my head to get rid of the thoughts. My new school was coming into view. I took a deep breath as I walked into the school, holding my map and schedule ready.
My first class was literature. I hoped they didn’t have anything hard on their list. I took a seat in the middle of the class and watched as other students piled in. Some gave me curious looks, others ignored me. I was glad I came in the beginning of the year, I wouldn’t be the only one not to know people.
The teacher, Mr. Graven, was a no-nonsense kind of man. He got straight to work. And the first book we would be discussing was The Giver by Lois Lowry. When asked who read this book, I was the only one who shyly raised their hand.
The day passed by quickly. I had kept pretty much to myself but there were a few people that struck up some conversations with me. It was the regular ‘can I borrow a pen?’ type of thing. Nobody asked about my past; I’m sure my mother would be thrilled.
I came home to an empty house. I was used to it and I was partially glad that no one was home. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t have any homework and my lack of friends didn’t help my social lives.
I was sure the people from Elizabethan Preparatory have forgotten me. And even if they didn’t, I doubt their parents would want them to hang out with someone like me.
I decided to watch T.V. Child block. Great. Only Animal Planet wasn’t blocked.
No internet. No T.V. I could only go for a walk but as I grabbed a hoodie to go outside I noticed a note one the refrigerator.
Sophie.
There are some fresh vegetables in the refrigerator. Do not eat anything else; I would hate for you to spoil your appetite.
I shall be home at 7 o’clock sharp. Please finish all your homework.
Love Mom
P.S. NO MATTER WHAT, STAY OUT OF THE WOODS
Stay out of the woods? But they surrounded us! The whole town consisted of ‘the woods’.
I kept my anger under control. The doctors have reminded me countless amount of time that anger was ‘my enemy’. It would trigger all those unwanted memories that they’ve tried so hard to get rid of.
Like the perfect daughter I know my mother wanted me to be, I cleaned the house, prepared the supper, and wrote an essay for Lit class that was due in a month.
My parents and sister came home. We had supper; we watched a PG-rated movie together. We all went to bed promptly at 10.
To a stranger our family might seem perfect but I’m no stranger. I saw how dysfunctional our family was and I pitied all of us: my mother for trying to make everything perfect but it all backfiring on her, our father for being forced to be under my mother’s control, my sister for having to deal with this family.
As I lay in bed that night, I knew that I needed to find some kind of escape.
♠ ♠ ♠
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