Status: Hiatus until further notice.
Just Let It Go
Three
I didn’t think they’d come back so quickly. Only after three weeks of living at home I started to get nightmares. They were terrifying. It was all very confusing because I would see different faces, not only mine. But there were always wolves there; they’d be chasing me or I’d be turning into one of them.
I wasn’t good at remembering my dreams. I just have faint traces of bloody masses and loud screams.
I always wake up in a sweat. My mother is beside me with a glass of water and the pills that I got prescribed in Germany. She tries to soothe me but no matter what I can’t help the sobs and the shaking that ripples through me.
Bethany stands at the doorway, fearfully gazing at us. I can’t bring myself to look at her. I can see the panic in her eyes.
I hoped that the dreams would go away. I would exercise before sleep to sleep dreamlessly, I’d read, I’d drink a glass of warm milk. Nothing helped.
I saw my mother lose patience with me every night. She became more and more irritated. This irritation took its toll on my father as well. I heard my parents fighting at night, after mother would hand me my pills.
One morning I groggily woke up. This had been yet another night full of nightmares. I looked at the clock on my bed stand and almost fell out of bed. It read 12:43 PM. I shot up quickly but stopped when I heard noise downstairs. I walked down the stairs to see my mother at the stove. She gave me a tired smile.
“How are you?” she asked me.
“Better, why aren’t you at work?” I asked her as I sat down at the kitchen table.
“We’re going to the doctor today,” she said to me. I frowned.
“But that would mean telling everything to them,” I said quietly. I saw my mother nod tensely.
I knew that this was what she hated. She would hate for someone to find out our secrets, for someone to think we were abnormal.
I ate my breakfast silently and silently I got dressed. We drove to the clinic in silence.
Mother had signed me up for an appointment to Dr.Cullen. She said he was a specialist in every medical field.
I sat in his office, swinging my feel lightly. On his desk I saw pictures of what must be his family. They were all very beautiful.
The doctor walked in and I was immediately charmed. He was handsome, with beautiful pale skin and strange whiskey-colored eyes.
He gave me a warm smile and started the whole procedure with the questions. My mother looked on worryingly.
He sighed at the end and clicked his pen closed as he finished writing.
“I’m afraid this is purely psychological,” he said to my mother and me. I repressed the urge to roll my eyes.
“But how can we stop it?” my mother asked rather sharply. “Is there some kind of prescription to get rid of it?” Dr.Cullen raised a delicate eyebrow.
“There is no drug that can get rid of it,” he said and turned to me. “You will have to stop it with will power.”
“Will power?” I asked him, feeling lost.
“You need to prove to yourself that your fears are irrational and that nothing will get you,” he explained. I shook my head.
“I can’t do that, how would I be able to? I can’t tell myself to stop dreaming,” I snapped at him. He smiled and I immediately felt bad.
“Face your fears,” he said simply. “When a child has a phobia, for instance a fear of clowns, the parents might bring him to the circus to show him that everything is fine.” I felt my throat tighten.
“But I can’t do that,” I whispered more to myself but he still heard me.
“You have nothing to fear, the forest is a regular place and one bizarre incident should not change your opinion of it,” he encouraged me. He wanted to continue but my mother cut him off.
“Thank you Doctor, that will be enough,” she retorted at him coldly, turned out and walked out of the office. I smiled at him apologetically but he shook his head.
“It’s alright, she cares for you,” he said as I got up to leave. “Sophie, think about what I said.”
I nodded and went out to the car where my mother was fuming.
“…and he’s considered the best doctor around here,” I heard my mother mutter as I got in the car. We drove silently. I was thinking over the doctor’s words: it made sense of course but saying it was much easier than doing it. I wasn’t scared of the forest, no, I was petrified.
My mother must’ve seen me thinking about it because she suddenly snapped “Sophie!” at me. I looked at her and was momentarily shocked. She had a crazed look about her face.
“You don’t go into the woods, you hear me?” she demanded and I nodded quickly. “You NEVER go into the woods, we don’t want another incident on our hands, it would cause many troubles.”
Many whispers I wanted to say but kept my mouth shut. We drove silently again. As we crossed a bridge a loud yell caught my attention.
I saw a group of young men at the top of a cliff here in Forks. They were yelling loudly and pushing each other around. I smiled to myself. They looked happy. Suddenly one of the men jumped into the watery abyss below and I gasped but none of the others seemed worried. I understood: they were cliff diving.
I smiled and thought of how exhilarating that must be. My thoughts were interrupted by my mother.
“Those reckless boys are always up to no good,” she said as she sped up and the group of men disappeared.
“You know them?,” I asked her curiously.
“They’re from the reservation, from La Push,” she explained. “With their attitudes I can see that they’re just trouble.” I shrugged.
“They seem fine to me,” I said and my mother gave me a look.
“I best not see you around them,” she stated flatly and I turned to the window so she wouldn’t see me grimace.
I wouldn’t be around them, how could I? With my mother controlling my every step it would be damn hard.
But not impossible.
I wasn’t good at remembering my dreams. I just have faint traces of bloody masses and loud screams.
I always wake up in a sweat. My mother is beside me with a glass of water and the pills that I got prescribed in Germany. She tries to soothe me but no matter what I can’t help the sobs and the shaking that ripples through me.
Bethany stands at the doorway, fearfully gazing at us. I can’t bring myself to look at her. I can see the panic in her eyes.
I hoped that the dreams would go away. I would exercise before sleep to sleep dreamlessly, I’d read, I’d drink a glass of warm milk. Nothing helped.
I saw my mother lose patience with me every night. She became more and more irritated. This irritation took its toll on my father as well. I heard my parents fighting at night, after mother would hand me my pills.
One morning I groggily woke up. This had been yet another night full of nightmares. I looked at the clock on my bed stand and almost fell out of bed. It read 12:43 PM. I shot up quickly but stopped when I heard noise downstairs. I walked down the stairs to see my mother at the stove. She gave me a tired smile.
“How are you?” she asked me.
“Better, why aren’t you at work?” I asked her as I sat down at the kitchen table.
“We’re going to the doctor today,” she said to me. I frowned.
“But that would mean telling everything to them,” I said quietly. I saw my mother nod tensely.
I knew that this was what she hated. She would hate for someone to find out our secrets, for someone to think we were abnormal.
I ate my breakfast silently and silently I got dressed. We drove to the clinic in silence.
Mother had signed me up for an appointment to Dr.Cullen. She said he was a specialist in every medical field.
I sat in his office, swinging my feel lightly. On his desk I saw pictures of what must be his family. They were all very beautiful.
The doctor walked in and I was immediately charmed. He was handsome, with beautiful pale skin and strange whiskey-colored eyes.
He gave me a warm smile and started the whole procedure with the questions. My mother looked on worryingly.
He sighed at the end and clicked his pen closed as he finished writing.
“I’m afraid this is purely psychological,” he said to my mother and me. I repressed the urge to roll my eyes.
“But how can we stop it?” my mother asked rather sharply. “Is there some kind of prescription to get rid of it?” Dr.Cullen raised a delicate eyebrow.
“There is no drug that can get rid of it,” he said and turned to me. “You will have to stop it with will power.”
“Will power?” I asked him, feeling lost.
“You need to prove to yourself that your fears are irrational and that nothing will get you,” he explained. I shook my head.
“I can’t do that, how would I be able to? I can’t tell myself to stop dreaming,” I snapped at him. He smiled and I immediately felt bad.
“Face your fears,” he said simply. “When a child has a phobia, for instance a fear of clowns, the parents might bring him to the circus to show him that everything is fine.” I felt my throat tighten.
“But I can’t do that,” I whispered more to myself but he still heard me.
“You have nothing to fear, the forest is a regular place and one bizarre incident should not change your opinion of it,” he encouraged me. He wanted to continue but my mother cut him off.
“Thank you Doctor, that will be enough,” she retorted at him coldly, turned out and walked out of the office. I smiled at him apologetically but he shook his head.
“It’s alright, she cares for you,” he said as I got up to leave. “Sophie, think about what I said.”
I nodded and went out to the car where my mother was fuming.
“…and he’s considered the best doctor around here,” I heard my mother mutter as I got in the car. We drove silently. I was thinking over the doctor’s words: it made sense of course but saying it was much easier than doing it. I wasn’t scared of the forest, no, I was petrified.
My mother must’ve seen me thinking about it because she suddenly snapped “Sophie!” at me. I looked at her and was momentarily shocked. She had a crazed look about her face.
“You don’t go into the woods, you hear me?” she demanded and I nodded quickly. “You NEVER go into the woods, we don’t want another incident on our hands, it would cause many troubles.”
Many whispers I wanted to say but kept my mouth shut. We drove silently again. As we crossed a bridge a loud yell caught my attention.
I saw a group of young men at the top of a cliff here in Forks. They were yelling loudly and pushing each other around. I smiled to myself. They looked happy. Suddenly one of the men jumped into the watery abyss below and I gasped but none of the others seemed worried. I understood: they were cliff diving.
I smiled and thought of how exhilarating that must be. My thoughts were interrupted by my mother.
“Those reckless boys are always up to no good,” she said as she sped up and the group of men disappeared.
“You know them?,” I asked her curiously.
“They’re from the reservation, from La Push,” she explained. “With their attitudes I can see that they’re just trouble.” I shrugged.
“They seem fine to me,” I said and my mother gave me a look.
“I best not see you around them,” she stated flatly and I turned to the window so she wouldn’t see me grimace.
I wouldn’t be around them, how could I? With my mother controlling my every step it would be damn hard.
But not impossible.
♠ ♠ ♠
:]