Why Is This So Unbearable

" I cant do this, Mikey. I'm a failure," I say nudging Mikey out of the way. "I cant do this. I failed him, Mikey. I slept with annother guy. And, I also have knife hands!"

"Okay. First of all Gerard, you didn't 'SLEEP' with another guy. He raped you."

I butt in saying. "Yeah, but now I have these!" I say showing him my now wrapped knife hands.

"But that wasn't your choice. HE beat you Gerard. HE hurt you. HE took your virginity away. HE gave you those hands! You didn't do anything to deserve this Gerard. It isn't your fault the world is an evil place!"

[ Slience]

I start crying. "Listen Gerard. You're the greatest guy I know. And I know Frank thinks and feels the same. He misses you Gerard. He always talks about you. And asks about you, but I can't tell him anything because dad puts a wire on me every school day or day I see Frank. Just to ensure that I don't say anything about you. I feel Bad about not saying anything, but imagine if dad heard it. He would beat up on you for it! Gerard eversince "That Day" Frank has been majorly depressed and today shows just how much he misses you. So go in there and take care of the one you love," he finsishes by opening the door for me.

I walk in to see my baby laying there with no movement besides his beautiful chest rising up and down by the power of machines. All up his beautifully tattoed arms are bandages. And you can see masses of blood that has seeped through them.

I Stare at him and can't help but cry. I slowly walk to the chair beside his bed with tears rolling down my face. I take a seat and go to take his hand in mine and then quickly pull back. Realising that thats impossible. I sit there and wait for him to stutter my name. Like how that happens in movies and love stories. But nothing. No changes. Not anything. He just lays there. I cry even more at the fact that he could possibly die!