Never Let Go

“Again with the fucking blood traitor?” it was barely a quarter after seven in the morning and I was already having an argument with Pansy. “It’s too early for this. Don’t you know it’s too early for this?” I craned my neck to better look at the smug pug faced bitch that was hell bent on being the most disagreeable human being I had ever met in all my life. “I haven’t even had my damn coffee. And you’re already running around slinging those fucking words around. That’s not right. People aren’t supposed to act like that so early in the day. Scratch that. People aren’t supposed to act that way at all, but if you want to be an ignorant bitch then at least have the decency to do it in the afternoon after I’ve had enough coffee to put up with your shit.”

“Renner. What have I told you about talking to a prefect like that?” her lips curled into a self satisfied little smirk as she folded her arms across her chest. “Aren’t you going to answer me?” she stepped closer, her heels clicking against the cold concrete as she inched closer. “Come on now Renner, be a good little blood traitor and answer me.”

“What part of it’s too early, don’t you understand?”

“What part of answer me, don’t you comprehend?” Pansy shot back, her chest puffing out. “But I should know better than to think a Renner capable of showing a pure blood respect. Your lot, are a disgrace, to pure bloods everywhere, mingling with muggles and mudbloods like they’re our equals.”

It was strange to think that I hadn’t even known Pansy twenty four hours and we were already at each others throats. I never thought that I could make an enemy so quickly, but apparently talking out against her had made me public enemy number one in her eyes. Not like I cared. I wasn’t going to bow down and feed her ego like everyone else did. I just hoped I wouldn’t have to be in Slytherin much longer, because if I was, there was no doubt in my mind that one of us was going to end up in the Hospital Wing; preferably Pansy.

“Don’t insult muggles by saying that I think they’re our equals.” I was confusing her; I could tell by the look on her face that she didn’t understand where I was going with this. “They’re my equals, your superiors.”

“Insolent blood traitor!” she snatched her wand out from her robes and held it out towards me.

For a moment I thought about shutting up. She looked positively wild, like she really would curse me into oblivion if I kept going, but then a voice in the back of my head said to keep going, because if she cursed me, she would be the one that would get in trouble.

“Don’t you have any other insults in that head of yours? For Merlin’s sake! You’re a witch. A 6th year at that, you’d think that by now you’d have picked up a few more insults to sling around, but no, you’ve stuck with one and it’s not even an entertaining one. It’s dumb and makes you look like a person that’s too stupid to even come up with original insults.” I egged her on, hoping that she’d be pissed enough to send a curse my way.

Pansy pressed her wand against my neck, its tip digging into my flesh. “You think you’re so clever because you can string a few words together. You’re not. You’re a pathetic witch that needs to be taught some manners.”

It was then that Millicent Bulstrode spoke. “Pansy,” she said. “She’s not worth getting in trouble for.”

“Millicent’s right.” Tracey Davis chimed in. “Snape will be furious. He’ll stick you in detention for ages.”

“Right,” muttered Pansy to herself, slowly, she began to lower her wand. “This isn’t over.” She spat before walking away.

The trio stormed out of the dorm without saying anything further to me. That was fine, I wasn’t keen on hearing anything that came from them and when I saw the door close, I lay back down on the bed.

“I need to get the fuck out of here.” I mumbled tiredly.

“It’s not so bad, you know,” spoke a voice from beside me.

A few feet away stood a petite girl with long blonde hair and thick glasses. She was not one of the girls that I had seen last night, nor had I seen her when I snuck back in at three in the morning.

“Slytherin has its beauty . . . it’s just hidden by them and their nastiness.” She grew closer, her face holding a kindness that I hadn’t expected to find in a Slytherin. “I’m Sally-Anne Perks.”

“Emilia Renner,” I held out my hand to shake hers.

“Nice meeting you.” her grip on my hand was soft as we shook hands. “I know that I don’t know you but I just wanted to tell you that that was really brave of you, no one in this house stands up to Pansy, she’s the IT girl here and, well, it was nice to see her knocked down a bit.” Sally chuckled nervously. “I’ve dreamt of doing that a lot, just never had the courage to.”

“You don’t need courage to stand up to Pansy. She’s an idiot.”

“An influential idiot,” corrected Sally, her voice barely audible.

“But an idiot nonetheless,” I sent her a friendly smile. “And idiots shouldn’t be feared. It gives them delusions of grandeur, such as the ones Pansy clearly suffers from.”

“Clearly,” Sally agreed. “I have a question, are you American or Canadian? I can never tell the difference between the two.”

“Believe it or not, I'm English. I just talk like this because I moved to America when I was eleven and just came back this summer.”

“That sounds brilliant. Did you like America? I’ve never been outside Britain, haven’t even visited Ireland, kind of boring now that I think about it, but I bet America was loads of fun. Whenever I watch the teli and they show clips from America, it makes me want to go. The other day they had a program on the wine country in California. It looked real nice. Did you live in California?” she grew silent, a bashful smile playing across her lips as she looked up at me. “Sorry, I don’t normally talk this much. It’s just exciting to have someone new in Slytherin. The others don’t talk to me. I'm a wallflower, you see, that way they can’t tease me . . .”

“Fuck them. You shouldn’t have to be a wallflower to survive here. This is your home for most of the year. You should be able to kick back and not worry about them.”

“If I lived in another house I could do that, but I don’t and it’s better to be ignored than to be bullied. They’re mean girls. And you should be on guard. Pansy is going to do something. She may be an idiot but she’s a real bitch.”

“I think cunt is more appropriate.”

Sally fidgeted nervously. “You’re really not scared of her, are you?”

“I'm scared of a lot of things. Self centered teenage girls aren’t one of them.” I grabbed my bag from within my trunk and then placed a spell on the trunk so no one would open it. “What do you say we go grab some breakfast? I promise I’ll answer your questions about America.”

“That sounds lovely, but . . . I don’t want trouble with Pansy and them. And if they see me talking to you, that’s all I’ll have. Sorry.”

“Don’t worry about it, it’s alright.” I reassured her as warmly as I could. “I’ll see you around Sally. Thanks again for the chat.”

For as kind as Sally was, she still demonstrated one of the most distinct characters of Slytherins which was a very strong sense of self-preservation. She had been friendly, there was no denying that, but she knew how to go unseen and untroubled, she knew what to do in order to survive, a trait that was widely possessed by the Slytherins. I personally didn’t mind though. She had been nice and that was more than enough for me to deem her an alright person. No one else had troubled themselves with making an introduction. It didn’t matter that hers had been in secret. It had been made and I would remember that.

The walk to the Great Hall was longer than it had been last night with Ron. The corridors stretched out ahead of me, making it seem as if I hadn’t moved when I’d been walking for a considerable time. When I ultimately reached the entrance to the Great Hall, I spotted two familiar figures lingering in front of it.

“There she is!” exclaimed Jade when she spotted me.

Chey spun on her heels. “About bloody time!” she yelled overdramatically as she stomped over. “We’ve been waiting here for ages and . . .”

“You okay?” I asked Chey, she wasn’t one for silence.

“Sorry I just . . . for a second I forgot that you were in Slytherin and then I saw that grotesque thing on you,” Chey pointed at the Slytherin emblem, “And remembered. It’s weird having you there. Always thought you’d be a Gryffindor but guess not.”

“Gee thanks for reminding me of the shit situation I'm in. Here I was thinking that this was going to be a giggly breakfast, but I was obviously mistaken.”

“No need to be such a bitch.” Jade chimed in. “She wasn’t trying to be a prat about it. She was just saying she was shocked, that’s all. You’re the one that’s making this into drama.”

One thing that I loved about Jade was the fact that she would call a person out if they were acting like an idiot, something that I was being at that precise moment.

“Sorry about being a bitch. Didn’t mean to,” I was embarrassed by my behavior. “I’ve just had an eventful morning and haven’t had my coffee yet so I'm liable to blow up if someone mentions Slytherin.”

“What’d you do?” asked Chey, her curiosity apparent in her voice.

“Nothing,” was my response.

“Millie, you’re not talking to your Nan, you’re talking to me, so what’d you do?” Chey pressed.

I patted my stomach with both hands. “How about I tell you after I have my coffee?”

Jade eyed me suspiciously. “You’ll tell us during your coffee. Not after, because then you’re gonna say that you have to eat and you don’t talk when your mouths full.”

“Fine, fine,” I conceded to her demands. “I’ll tell you while I drink my coffee. I have a question though, where are we sitting?”

“Gryffindor table, unless you’d rather sit with your fellow Slytherins.” Jade teased as we began to walk into the Great Hall.

“Tempting, but I’ll pass.” I followed them to an empty spot at the Gryffindor table.

As soon as I sat down, I pulled out my coffee container from my purse and poured myself a cup of hot water. The French coffee blend was added to the water, darkening it instantaneously. I then added a hint of vanilla, dash of cinnamon and a teaspoon of sugar. They were all thoroughly mixed together, combining their distinct flavors to create the precious elixir that I so ardently loved.

The coffee addiction from which I suffered was one better suited for a thirty year old writer working on a novel or a businessman that that had to be alert at all hours. I knew it was odd for a teenager to be hooked on it, I didn’t care though. I wasn’t going to quit coffee, not for all the gold in Gringotts.

“Have you ever gone a day without your crack?” asked Jade as she grabbed some toast from a large tray.

“Went two weeks without it a few months back,” it had been a failed attempted at quitting. “It was horrible.”

“Is that you being overdramatic or was it actually horrible?” Jade buttered her toast.

“It was horrible.” I stressed. “I was really sick, ended up having to go to the Healer because I thought I was dying but apparently when you drink three cups of coffee everyday, your body becomes dependent and there’s no going back. Not like I want to break up with coffee. It’s my one and only.”

“Positively mental, you are,” Chey commented. “But everyone already knows that. What we don’t know is what happened this morning? So come on, let it out.”

I set down the cup of coffee and leant forward in my chair. “Do you guys know some girl named Pansy?”

They both nodded.

“She’s a twat.” Chey stated, her face scrunching in displeasure.

“Well I dorm with her and I had an argument with her last night. Then this morning we had another argument cuz she was following me around and calling me a blood traitor and insulting the family, so I was like what the fuck. You know? Well then she got really pissed off and whipped out her wand. She would’ve cursed me if her friends hadn’t stopped her and it’s just ridiculous. The bitch has a massive ego. She walks around like she’s the Queen and she gets mad when someone calls her out on it. I swear if I have to be in Slytherin for one more day, I’ll . . . well, I don’t know what I’ll do but it’ll be pretty fucking serious.”

“Can’t believe the pug was insulting our family,” Chey held her fork menacingly in her hands. “She thinks her family is all perfect, but they don’t have as much gold as they used to and her parents are divorcing because her father was shagging a muggle born, but she’s still pretending like her family is still influential among those crazy pureblood families.”

“Are you for real?” inquired Jade.

Chey nodded.

“Bloody hell,” whispered an astonished Jade. “That bitch was always taunting me because my dad’s not in the picture, but now hers isn’t going to be in on it. Oh. Karma really is a bitch.”

“It is,” agreed Chey. “So how are you planning to deal with her?”

“The truth is I'm not trying to figure out how to deal with her. I'm just trying to get out of Slytherin. That’s where my energy’s going.”

“But you’ve been sorted,” Jade reminded. “The Hat doesn’t make mistakes like that.”

“It’s not infallible.” I raised the coffee to my lips and took in a long drink, savoring its taste. “I know that I belong in Gryffindor. And I already wrote my grandparents about what happened. Nan says they’re going to do their best to get me out and then Ron told me that Harry’s going to go with him to ask Dumbledore to resort me.”

The girls exchanged looks.

“Ron’s doing that?” a sly smile was on Chey’s lips.

“He is.” I proudly told them.

“No, no, no you don’t get it.” Jade leant forward, her eyes twinkling mischievously. “Ron doesn’t bother himself with helping others unless he really has to.”

“I don’t understand where you’re trying to go with this.”

“We think he fancies you.” Chey blurted out.

“Oi!” she nudged Chey in the ribs. “I was supposed to be the one that told her.”

“You were taking to long,” hissed Chey.

“No I wasn’t. Whatever,” Jade redirected her attention at me. “We think he fancies you, because he’s never as nice to anyone as he is to you.”

I think they expected me to gush over their news, to ask them if he had talked to them about me, or if they’d heard him mention anything to anyone else, but I didn’t do any of that. The only thing I did was break into a fit of laughter that echoed throughout the Great Hall, catching the attention of everyone present with its intensity.

It was hilarious to think that Ron could like me. He was Ron. The boy that I had befriended at a young age, the boy that had helped me out of my shell, he couldn’t like me just as I couldn’t like him romantically. We were just friends. Always had been, always would be.

“You’re not supposed to laugh.” Jade kicked me under the table as she spoke.

I gritted my teeth in pain; the bitch was wearing pointy boots. “What was that for?”

“For laughing and I’ll give you another one if you don’t start taking this more seriously.” Jade threatened.

“This can’t be taken seriously. It’s ridiculous to think that Ron could fancy me. It’s just wrong.” I shuddered at the thought.

“How’s it wrong?” Chey spoke with her mouthful of pancakes.

“Because it’s Ron.”

“He’s still a boy and he spent almost the entire summer with you! And he dragged you out of the compartment because he wanted you to sit with him and now, now he’s going to ask Dumbledore to resort you.” Chey took a deep breath before continuing. “He’s smitten. Isn’t that right Jade?”

“Very right,” Jade agreed.

“The two of you need to stop hanging out together, you convince each other of your crazy ideas and then try to force them on others. And it’s not even believable nonsense.” I began to fix myself another coffee.

“If he doesn’t fancy you then why’s he running around trying to get you resorted?” Jade questioned, a few strands of red hair falling into her face, shielding her left eye from view.

“Because friends don’t let friends be Slytherins.”

Chey shifted in her seat. “Just drop it Jade. She’ll figure it out soon enough.”

“But we haven’t even asked her if she fancies him.” Jade wanted all the details.

“Oh right. Hey Millie do you –”

“I don’t.” I answered before Chey could finish asking.

“Sure about that?” Chey wiggled her brows suggestively.

“Miss Renner.” A deep, velvety voice that strangely reminded me of the voice of Jeremy Irons spoke.

I turned around slowly, brow arching slightly when I saw the sallow skin man with dark black hair that fell at his shoulders. It was Professor Snape, the Head of Slytherin.

“Yes sir?” I asked, careful to sound respectful.

“Do you not think it would have been more prudent for you to sit at the Slytherin table on the day that your schedules are handed out?” he inquired, his thin lips barely moving as he spoke.

“Damn it.” I cursed so that only I could hear. “I'm sorry, I completely forgot about that and ate here instead, I'm sorry for making you come over here, really I am.” I hoped Professor Snape wouldn’t hold it against me. I had heard from Ron that he had a real nasty temper.

He stared at me in silence, his eyes bearing into mine as if he was trying to figure out a puzzle and the longer he stared at me, the more uncomfortable I felt.

“Next time these are handed out.” He held out my schedule in his hands. “Make sure to be at the Slytherin table.”

“Yes sir.”

He turned to walk away.

“I think I may have shit myself.” I joked when he was out of earshot.

“Same here,” Jade shivered. “He’s always given me the creeps.”

“It’s because he looks like an unattractive vampire.” Chey commented as she poured herself some orange juice. “He’s all pale and creepy and greasy haired . . . it’s a horrible combination.”

“So what classes do you have?” asked Jade.

I looked over the list. “Potions, Defense against the Dark Art, Herbology, Charms, Art, and Transfiguration. I’d ask what lessons you have, but you haven’t gotten the paper yet.”

“Oh we don’t need it. We already know our classes; they’re Defense against the Dark Arts, Herbology, Care of Magical Creatures, Music and Apparition. All the sixth years know their lessons. Didn’t you get to choose yours?” Chey asked.

I shook my head. “No. I didn’t know we were able to.”

“So Nan picked the classes?” Chey laughed. “That sounds like something she’d do to you.”

“She only does it because she wants to make sure I'm on the right path for becoming an Auror.” I explained to Chey.

“Thought you were going into politics,” Jade sliced her ham.

“I do, but I figure that being an Auror first will help out since people will look at that as being service to the community.” I chuckled softly. “I’ve been around politicians so long that I know the route that almost all of them have taken. And national service always looks nice for someone in office.”

What remained of breakfast was spent talking about the future. Jade wanted to work with magical creatures and regular animals. They were her passion, had been since she was very young and in her home she had a majestic horse by the name of Jake that she doted on. He was the reason she was so passionate about creatures. Chey on the other hand wasn’t interested in animals. She was interested in music and wanted to be a member of world renowned Magical Philharmonic Orchestra of Great Britain.

As breakfast came to an end, we began to leave the Great Hall for our classes. My first class of the day was Defense against the Dark Arts. It was also Chey and Jade’s. Together we walked down to the dungeons, them leading me through the corridors to our classes and when we entered the chamber where we would be learning, I was surprised to see students from all the houses inside.

I had always been under the impression that each class would only have students from two houses, but apparently when one enters their 6th year, the classes are harder to get into due to requirements placed by the Professors. And since the classes are harder to get into, there are significantly less students from each house which makes it possible for students from all the houses to take their lessons at the same time without it being crowded, which was why we were all in the dungeon ready to learn DADA.

Defense against the Dark Arts went by in a blur. It was an interesting lesson, but I had some trouble paying attention because whenever Professor Snape spoke, I couldn’t help but lose myself in a daydream. He had the sort of voice that was powerful yet soothing, and even though he wasn’t much to look at, his voice was hypnotizing.

After class ended, I parted ways with the ladies and went in search of the Potions classroom. I got lost a few times during my walk, but I eventually ran into Hermione whom was also taking the class and followed her there. The walk was silent, we never really talked during the summer except for a few times, but I wasn’t as well acquainted with her as I was with Harry.

With him, I had formed a friendship. We understood each other in a way that others couldn’t. He had also lost his parents and knew what it was like to long for an embrace that would never be given. Sure I had my grandparents, but there’s only so much their love can do before I want my mother or my father and Harry understood that.

I spent the first ten minutes of potions sharing a table with a boy named Neville Longbottom. He was nice, was awkward as fuck, but he was nice and every once in awhile he’d say something strange and I’d start laughing. About ten minutes into class the door was thrown open, revealing a frazzled looking Harry who was accompanied by Ron. They quickly settled in and soon enough they were sitting at a nearby table with Hermione.

When class ended, I walked out with Ron and Harry. Hermione had another class after; I believe it was Ancient Ruins, so she had to get a move on.

“You done already?” asked Ron.

I nodded. “Only have two classes on Monday. What about you guys?”

“Done,” Ron replied.

“Well if we’re all done, why don’t we go talk to Dumbledore right now?” Harry proposed. “Maybe we can have all this sorted before we have lunch.”

“That sounds great. But are you guys sure you want to do this? I mean, I don’t want to get you in trouble for doing this for me.”

“Don’t worry about it Emi, it’ll all be alright. Dumbledore quite likes us, especially Harry; then again, everyone loves Harry.” Ron pinched Harry’s cheek much like Fred and George pinch his.

“Ron’s right, Millie, Dumbledore likes us and he won’t mind. I'm sure he’ll remember your parents and he’ll bend a rule or two to put you somewhere else.” Harry smiled reassuringly.

“Thanks again for doing this,” I was truly grateful that they were going out of their way to help me. “You guys don’t know how much it means to me.”

“I actually do. You see, the hat tried to stick me in Slytherin my first year, I lost it up there and argued with it and it gave me Gryffindor and I'm sure if you argue with it some more, it’ll do the same for you.”

“Let’s hope it does.”

We ventured through the castle to Dumbledore’s office and when we arrived, we lingered out in front of the entrance. The boys were busy trying to figure out how to approach the situation and I was just standing there, staring at the large stone gargoyle that guarded the entrance. I was transfixed by it, marveling at the intricate detail that decorated it and when it began to move, I nearly jumped back from fright.

I stared in awe at the marble staircase that was revealed behind it and when I heard familiar voices floating down, I began to walk forward, wanting to know if they were there or if my mind was playing tricks on me.

And just as I was about to enter the staircase, I saw them.

I saw my Nan and Grandpa.

And in that moment, I thought that it was going to work out, that everything would be better and I’d be moving out of Slytherin that very afternoon but when I saw the look in Nan’s eyes, I knew that wouldn’t be the case. There was something off in them, a hidden emotion that I’d only see in her brilliant blue orbs once before and that emotion was quickly masked.

“Nan,” I rushed to hug her, wrapping my arms around her frame. “What happened? Did he say I could be resorted?” even though I knew the odds were slim, I refused to give up on that hope.

I’d cling to it until Nan or Grandpa crushed.

“Darling,” Nan whispered, her voice soft as if she were about to sing me to sleep. “I have a bit of news from the Headmaster, you see, we tried to get you resorted, really we did, but . . . what I'm trying to say is that –” Nan trailed off.

“–There’s no resorting.” Grandpa concluded her statement.

“W-what?” there words were flying around my head, but they weren’t being processed.

“There’s no resorting.” Grandpa repeated. “You’re stuck in Slytherin.”

“But I don’t belong there!” I protested.

Nan parted her lips to speak, but shut them just as quickly as they had happened. She looked over to Grandpa, her eyes firmly fixed on him. She was asking him to handle the situation. I’d seen her send that look his way before and that was what it always meant.

“Emilia,” he said my name calmly. “You belong there.”

“No, I –”

“We had a chat with the Headmaster,” he continued, unfazed by my interruption. “Told him our concerns in hopes of having him place you elsewhere, but you have been sorted twice and both times you were placed in Slytherin so just relax Emilia. It’s . . . it’s where you belong.”

“But Grandpa, I don’t belong there. You know I don’t belong there.”

“I'm sorry dear, but it’s for the best. It’s for the best. Believe me when I say it is.”