Never Let Go

Apologies don’t have to be beautifully worded in order for them to be accepted. They just have to be meant by the person uttering them and as I stood in front of Ron, I knew he wasn’t really sorry. I could tell that he thought I was overreacting about his outburst, that I was being nothing more than an emotional teenage girl, but that wasn’t the case. And as my friend, he should’ve known me better than that, but the ginger supposed me an emotional wreck that had to be apologized to and I wasn’t about to accept his half assed apology.

“And I'm not good at accepting half assed apologies!” I yelled before turning to walk away.

“Where are you going?” he shouted from behind.

“Somewhere far from you!” perhaps that was when I should’ve looked back so he could see just how much he’d annoyed me, I didn’t.

“What happened to going to the kitchen?”

“Go by yourself!”

“Awe come on, Emi, don’t be so dramatic!”

That idiot shouldn’t have said that. If he’d just kept his mouth shut the entire thing would’ve blown over in a day or so. He would’ve been able to give me a slightly better apology and I would’ve most likely accepted it, but telling me to not be so dramatic changed everything. And I was determined to be even more dramatic than I had been. So I did the only thing I could do. I stuck my middle finger out at him and stormed off.

“Who the fuck does he think he is, talking to me like that . . . fucking asshole.” I muttered angrily as I walked through the halls. “Well, if he doesn’t give a damn about what I think, then I just won’t talk to him. Yes! I won’t talk to him until he apologizes. That’ll teach him.”

And three days later, I still hadn’t spoken to Ron. I honestly didn’t think we’d go that long without talking. I thought that in a day, two tops, Ron would’ve come around and said he was sorry, but no. The ginger hadn’t done any of that and as insane as this makes me sounds, it feels like an eternity. A strange thing to say, I know, but it’s the truth. I miss that ginger, even though he really pissed off, I miss him. I miss telling him inappropriate jokes and going on random walks together.

That’s what I’d gotten used to doing during the summer and to all of a sudden cut off communication with him was a challenge, but I kept reminding myself that I was angry at him. He’d acted like a prick and I wasn’t about to let him get off easy. He needed to give a decent apology, but knowing Ron it would be ages before he even though about apologizing again. Perhaps, if I hadn’t flipped him off it would’ve been a different story. Maybe he would’ve already apologized and we would have been off having a snack in the kitchens, but no, I flipped him off and now we were both being stubborn asses.

So now, instead of sneaking off to Hogsmeade like Ron had promised me, I was sitting on the grass beside the Black Lake with a letter in hand. It was a letter from my friend, Julie, who also happened to act as my dealer. She’d responded to my inquiry as to whether or not she could hook it up with some pot, since I didn’t have any. She replied that she could and now, it was my turn to write back. My response wasn’t going to be lengthy; a few scribbled lines would suffice.

*
Think this should cover it. If not just dot down the difference on a note and send it back with Janis. The directions should work out. That’s what the Professors have listed as the address, so think of it exactly as it’s on the paper. Don’t want you ending up in Bulgaria or something. Ha. That’d be pretty rad, but I know you won’t though; Hogsmeade is hard to miss. Alright, I’ll see you next week then.

-Emilia

P.S. Remember to give Janis some of the Mahi-mahi I had sent to your place. Thanks!
*

“What are you scribbling about?” asked Jade, from her spot on the grass a few feet to my right. “Writing that paper for Herbology already?”

“Don’t be daft Jade.” Chey chimed in. “You know how Millie is when it comes to doing work. Always wait till the night before, she does.”

“Right,” Jade set down the letter she was writing to her mother and younger sister. “So what are you doing then, Millie?”

“Writing a letter,” I answered as I set it down for the ink to dry.

“A letter,” Jade repeated. “Oi Chey! You think she’s ordering herself a hooker?”

“Makes sense, she’s been a proper bitch these last few days and a dick’s the perfect cure for that.” Chey grinned mischievously. “While you’re at it, Millie, order one for Jade as well.”

“Oh shove off fire crotch.” Jade shot back. “If anyone needs to get laid it’s you. You’ve been a right tosser these last few days. In fact, Millie, make your order out for Chey and then order her another one as well. It’ll take two dicks to make this one tolerable.”

“I'm ordering something better than dick.” I told them.

Jade began to chuckle. “You naughty girl,” she said. “Are you having some grass shipped out?”

“No!” exclaimed Chey. “If anyone finds out, it’ll be your head. And if they call Nan,” her eyes filled with fear. “Oh fuck! You’ll be dead if anyone tells Nan and then Nan will think I was involved and tell my parents. No. No! You can’t do this. Write to your mate and tell them you don’t want anything.”

“Calm down Chey, no one’s going to find out.” I reassured her.

“They might,” she hunched over and leant closer. “I heard that packages are being checked now, that way they can stop anything dangerous from coming in.”

“Quit making shit up.” Jade blurted out.

“I'm not!” Chey argued. “It’s really happening. I heard it was.”

“From, who?” the right brow of Jade inched upwards in a questioning manner.

Chey pursed her lips together before saying, “It doesn’t matter who I heard it from. What matters is that I heard it. And if they open up that package and find that grass, it’ll be your head and mine!”

“Well then it’s a good thing that my friend’s not sending it to me with my Janis.” Janis was my eagle owl.

“They’re not?” Chey’s worry was replaced with curiosity, “How they sending it then?”

“Um, my dealer’s coming out to Hogsmeade next week when we’re allowed to go visit.” I explained. “You’ve actually met them before, it’s Julie.”

“Julie’s your dealer?” Chey set down her books. “That makes sense. Always looked like she was on something, she did.”

Chey wasn’t exaggerating about Julia looking like she was on something. Julia was perpetually stoned, at least that’s what she told everyone and by the looks of her, we all believed her. Julia had no reservations about anything. There was nothing she wouldn’t do for a bit of fun and for a laugh. That was what I missed about her. I missed doing stupid things, smoking a bowl, and having a laugh.

Sure, I goofed around with Chey and Jade. Those two are honestly the reasons why I haven’t lost my mind at Hogwarts. We laugh together, stay up late in the Gryffindor common room, but the thing is, even though I have a real good time with them, it’d be nice to see Julie again. That way we can talk about shows we used to watch, places we frequented and the friends that are still over there. That’s what I'm looking forward to doing when we meet up at Hogsmeade.

“Yeah, she is.” I picked up the parchment from beside me and folded it into three parts. “Her dad’s a Herbologist so there’s this massive greenhouse in her backyard and she just started growing pot in there.”

“And her dad doesn’t say anything?” Jade asked. “Is he stupid or something?”

“Probably, but the way Julie spins it, is that she’s working on possible potions that can be made from cannabis and since he’s such a nerd about Herbology, he thinks it’s a good thing because it shows that she shares his passion.” I chuckled at the thought. “If her mum was around, she wouldn’t get away with that, but since it’s just her dad, she can get away with most things.”

“Don’t mean to be rude, but what happened to her mum?”

“Uh, she ran off with a bloke from work,” I could still remember the day that Julie’s mom had left, it happened a few days before my twelfth birthday. “Said she couldn’t handle being a mum, so she took off and never went back. I guess that’s one of the reasons why Julie’s dad indulges her.”

“What a cunt,” Jade cursed.

Jade knew firsthand what it was like to have a parent walk out on their family. Her father had left her mother and younger sister, when she was eleven years old. He’d run off with some whore he’d met at a bar and she hadn’t heard from him since. It’s not like she missed him or needed him. Her mother had stepped up to the plate flawlessly and ensured that her children would have as happy a life as possible and it was for that that Jade loved her mother more than anything. It was for that reason why her mother was her hero.

“She must have been a real shady bitch to walk out on her family like that. I mean. Who does that? Who goes through the pain of childbirth and then decides that it wasn’t for them. Fuck that. I hate people like that.” Jade ranted angrily. “Tell that Julie that she’s better off without that cunt.”

“Trust me, I tell her that all the time.”

“Good,” Jade picked up her letter. “I'm gonna get back to writing. Mum was telling me that Jake wasn’t feeling good and I want to make sure everything’s alright.”

Jade engrossed herself in her note.

“We should have lunch with Julie at Hogsmeade.” Chey proposed. “It’ll be fun.”

I nodded and then sealed the letter magically. The letter was then thrown into my oversized bag where it fell against the sketchbook that I’d been working in earlier and the carrying case for my precious pencils.

“I'm gonna go to the Owlery. Do any of you want to come with?” I slung the bag over my shoulders and stood up.

Jade shook her head. “Not done with this yet. Thanks though.”

“Think I’ll stay here. Owlery is to far a walk for someone that’s determined to move as little as possible.” Chey lay down upon the grass, resting her head on her folded up sweater as she did so. “We’ll save you a seat during dinner.”

“Right, see you then!” and with that, I began my journey to the Owlery.

The Owlery was quite a walk from the Black Lake. It wasn’t a walk that I was particularly keen on taking, especially not on a sunny afternoon, but I had to get the letter to Julia as quickly as possible. I wasn’t about to take any chances when it came to my supply. I needed to start smoking again if I hoped on making it through the year without bringing an end to the fiend known as Pansy. Because the way things were going, I was bound to smother her in her sleep.

“Janis!” I called out for my owl when I reached the Owlery. “Janis Renner, where are you?”

A familiar hoot let me know she was in there.

Sure enough, Janis flew down to meet me, her light grey feathers seeming enchanted in the sunlight. Janis was a beautiful owl, as well as a very loyal one. She’d been with me since I was ten and although she wasn’t one for living inside with people, she was a lovable owl that always spent at least ten minutes with me during the day. I don’t know how she’d find me, but she always would and she’d spend her time just sitting there, before nipping at my finger and taking off again.

“Hello Janis,” I greeted her. “You feel up for a trip to America?”

Janis bobbed her head excitedly.

“Awesome. I’ve got a letter that needs to get to Julie. Remember her? She’s the one that lives next door to Marcus.”

Janis shot me a look that said she already knew where Julie lived and that she didn’t need reminding. Janis was a sassy owl that acted more like a human teenager than an owl. That was probably why she preferred living among other Owls. That way she wouldn’t find herself tempted to peck at me for annoying her.

“Sorry, sorry, I forgot that you were there just a few days ago.”

Janis’ expression softened.

“You have to make sure to rest for a few hours when you get there. I know that you don’t think you need to rest, but Virginia’s far from here and I don’t want you getting hurt. Okay?”

Janis raised her wing as if to say no.

“Don’t you sass me,” I told her in a stern voice. “You need to rest or else Julie isn’t going to give you any Mahi-mahi, like I told her to.”

Mahi-mahi was her favorite fish. She’d first tried it when we went to Mexico on holiday with my friend’s family. That was when her love for it began and ever since then, whenever I want her to do something that she doesn’t want to, I bribe her with it. It’s never failed. I hope it never would.

“Here’s the letter,” I tied it to her leg. “Take your time and remember to rest.” I kissed the top of her head. “Have a safe trip, Janis!”

For a moment I stood there, admiring her beauty in silence. Janis truly was a magical creature that was graced with such magnificent wings that at times, made me wish, I were an owl so I could fly across the sky without being bound to a broom. That would seriously be an intoxicating high, a rush unlike any other. When Janis disappeared from sight, I leant against the nearby railing, and closed my eyes.

There was no noise other than the soft hooting of Owls. Instead of their hooting being annoying, it acted as a lullaby that made me feel at ease. This was the first time in days that I’d truly been alone. Where no one else was around me and as I stood there, I couldn’t help but think about Ron. I missed him. It sounds pathetic, I know that, but I really do miss that ginger and holding onto the anger, was weighing down my spirits but I couldn’t back away. I was far too stubborn for that.

I was so wrapped up in my thoughts that I failed to notice when another person entered the Owlery. Their steps weren’t loud. Come to think of it, they were actually quite soft, especially for a teenage boy. It wasn’t until they called my name that I became aware of their presence.

“That you, Millie?” he asked.

“Huh?” I answered absentmindedly, still engrossed in my thoughts.

“You alright Millie?” he asked again.

The second time around, I was much more alert and realized it was Harry that was speaking. With that realization, I turned around and saw the untidy black hair that was blowing in the breeze.

“Oh! Hey Harry.” I greeted him. “Been there long?”

“Not long. Just walked in,” he told her. “You, been in here long?”

“Yeah, I always lose track of time whenever I come up here. The views just so amazing that I can’t help but stare at it for awhile.”

Harry stepped closer, holding his letter loosely in his hand. “It’s been ages since been up here. Forgot how brilliant it is.”

“Well, I think you should spend a few minutes here everyday.”

“Why’s that?”

“Because it’s a pretty deserted place and I'm sure you’d like to get away from people.” I leant against the railing. “Everyone seems to want a piece of you and that must be fucking stressful.”

“That’s just the way things are when you’re the chosen one.” Harry joked. “But it’s alright. I'm used to it. So . . . are you here to get away?”

“No, I had to send out a letter to a friend and ended up staying here for a bit. What are you doing up here?”

“Have to send this out,” he held up his neatly folded letter. “Forgot to get some things from Fred and George’s so I'm gonna get them to ship it out. Have you been to their shop?”

“Nan took me once over the summer. It’s insane how creative those two are.”

“It is.” He agreed. “Always thought they were just messing about to get a laugh, but they’ve really made something great.”

“And it’s a good thing they did or else Molly would’ve killed them.”

“She’s still scolding them over not finishing up at Hogwarts.” Harry laughed. “Last time I was there, she was going off on this long rant on them and George just started doing this weird dance to confuse her.”

“Did it work?”

“Well, he got her to throw a pillow at him, but then she went right back to scolding them.”

“I swear Molly’s just as bad as my Nan. Oh. That reminds me! Nan wants to know what size you are in shirts.”

“Why?” he nearly laughed.

“She said she found a little boutique with nice clothes for men, but since it’s not for older men, she has no one to buy for. So she wants to get some stuff for you and Ron. I know that sounds weird, but that’s just how she is. Whenever she goes to a store and likes something, she thinks of someone she can buy it for and then gives it to them as a gift.”

“Have you already asked Ron for his size?”

“Don’t have to. I already know what size he wears.”

“But what if he’s grown? Think you should ask him to be on the safe side.”

I pursed my lips. “No, I don’t think I will.”

“Think you should. I mean, it’d be horrible if your Nan buys clothes for him and then they don’t fit.”

“Harry, we both know he hasn’t grown.”

“You should still talk to him.”

“Maybe I should, but I'm not.”

Harry let out an exasperated sigh. “I know that you two are mad and you probably have a real good reason to be mad at him. Ron can be a bit of a fathead sometimes, but he really is sorry. Whenever I wake up at night, I hear him mumbling in his sleep and he’s always apologizing to you.”

“Look Harry, I get that you’re trying to help but just leave this be. This isn’t worth you worrying about.”

“Two of my friends aren’t talking. That’s worth worrying over.”

“It’ll be fine, just forget about it.”

“He really is sorry though.” Harry seemed set on settling the issue.

“I know he is, but he needs to learn that he can’t blow up on people whenever he gets heated.” I took a step away from the railing. “So what size are you?”

“Um, not sure really,” he replied sheepishly. “Want to give my shirt a look. Sure it says something on there.”

The tag said he was a size 38 and now that I knew that, I bid him farewell and left the Owlery in search of Jade and Chey. I ended up running into them when they were walking in from the grounds.

“What’s got you two smiling like that?” I asked.

Chey bit her bottom lip, “Just got a letter.”

“From who?” judging by the smile on her face, it had to have been from George. “Is that from a certain ginger?”

“Mhm.” She replied.

“And what’s it say?”

“That he’s going to drop by Hogsmeade next Saturday AND he’s bringing along Fred.”

“Why’s, that have you both, so . . . oh.” My eyes widened in realization. “JADE! Are you serious?”

“About what?” she replied nonchalantly.

“About being giddy over Fred,” I whispered in a hushed tone. “Thought you were grossed out by gingers and their pastiness, that’s what you’ve always said.”

“With the lights off, I can’t tell if someone’s pasty or not.” Jade replied with a smirk.

“If I had food in my stomach, this would be the moment I’d puke.”

“Then I think we should go have dinner.” Jade draped her arm around my shoulder. “This is going to be a top notch night.”

“So very top notch,” Chey chorused.

The night didn’t end up being as top notch as they would’ve liked. I didn’t throw up after dinner or when Jade was talking about shagging Fred during our walk to the Gryffindor Tower. Jade had a very perverted mind and she had no problem voicing her thoughts, even if they were anything but ladylike.

When we reached the common room, we plopped atop the couches and ended up lapsing into a food coma that was brought about by all the pastries we demolished during dinner. It wasn’t until a quarter after eleven that I woke up. Staying in the Gryffindor tower was an idea that I toyed with, but I knew I had to get back to my room or else come morning, I’d find myself without a trunk.

It was with that thought in mind that I began my sluggish walk to the dungeons. I was mindful of my environment and of the fact that I was breaking curfew, but I didn’t walk fast. My feet refused to move quickly and I honestly wasn’t in the mood to force them to. So I walked steadily in the night, eyes squinting in the darkness to make sure I wasn’t going off in the wrong direction.

I was well over halfway to the dungeons when I heard someone crying.

At first I thought that it was just a figment of my imagination, something brought about by the fact that the caste was fucking creepy in the middle of the night and that I was alone, but the crying grew louder. And I was struck with so much curiosity that I couldn’t help but wander towards the noise.

The rational part of me demanded that I get the hell out of there as fast as possible, because no good can come from someone crying at those late hours. The other, more irrational and infinitely more curious part of me, urged me to go see what was going on. And as usual, I listened to the latter.

I proceeded with caution towards the noise, stopping in front of a massive door that separated me from whomever it was that was crying.

“Lumos,” the tip of the wand began to glow.

The light was used to figure out what kind of door it was and as soon as it shone on the wood, I saw that it was bathroom. I then took in a deep breath and proceeded to push the door open ever so gently, so as to not make unnecessary noise. Thankfully, the door didn’t creak, which then allowed me to sneak in unnoticed.

With every step I took, I grew closer to the crying. Until finally, I was staring at a person whom was standing in front of a sink, their back was to me, their face lowered, but the moonlight shone on his hair and I immediately knew who it was. It was Draco.

I should’ve run. I should’ve acted like I never saw him crying, but I couldn’t just leave. Not when he was crying like that. So I did the only thing I could think of, I lowered my wand and stepped towards him.

“Draco.” I called his name softly.

His crying ceased.

“Draco, you alright?” was my inquiry.

“Get out.” He replied.

I didn’t get out. I stepped even closer.

“Is something wrong?”

That was when he lifted his face. Through the mirror we made eye contact and when I saw the storm raging within his grey eyes, I felt like hugging him. Strange, I know, but he looked so lost . . . so angry, that I felt a hug was exactly what he needed. But company was the last thing that Draco wanted and he made that perfectly clear when he pointed his wand at me and ordered me to leave, but when he did that, he didn’t realize that his sleeve was rolled up. He didn’t realize that I saw the Dark Mark on his arm.