Never Let Go

“Well what the hell do you want me to tell you?” she asked gruffly, irritated by the messy haired youth that sat across from her. “I’ve already told you everything I know! There’s nothing left to say. So why the fuck are you still nagging me?” she hissed. “What the fuck do you want me to say?”

“Something bloody useful, that’s what!” bellowed Harry, the intensity of his voice causing the two nearby spectators to shrink in their seats. “You’ve spent loads of time with him, and all I bloody know is Snape’s trying to help him with something. That’s it!”

“That’s useful information!” Emilia had been telling Harry information that Snape approved of. “So you should get off your lazy ass and ask Dumbledore what’s going on there. You two are best fucking friends so just go ask him! That’s all you have to fucking do. And you should be grateful, because if it hadn’t been for me, you wouldn’t have known that Snape was involved.”

“I can’t ask him!”

“And why not?” she asked, sharply.

“Because then he’ll think I don’t trust Snape, and he’s always on my case about trusting him!”

“That’s not my problem. Is it?”

“Yes. It is! If you just did your job right and hound out what Draco was up to –”

“Fuck you, you asshole!” she interjected. “I'm doing the best I can. I follow him around when I should be sleeping or doing my work, and you don’t seem to appreciate all the effort I put in.”

“I’d appreciate it if you had anything to show for it.” Harry didn’t mean that, not really. He appreciated what she did for him, the danger she put herself in, but the stress was getting to him, and all he wanted was actual news that he could work with. “Honestly, how can you trail him for this long and only know that Snape’s trying to help? How is that all you know? You should know his plans by now!”

“Are you listening to yourself? Do you hear how idiotic you sound?”

“I don’t sound idiotic!” protested Harry.

“Yes, you do. You’re making it seem like whenever Draco’s alone, he starts going off on these epic rants regarding whatever it is that Voldemort has him up to. And guess what? He doesn’t do that. That’d be stupid of him. And say what you want about Draco, but he’s not stupid.”

“You sound very fond of Malfoy,” spat Harry.

“What are you insinuating?”

“Not insinuating anything,” he said, coolly.

“Yeah, you are. So why don’t you man the fuck up and me whatever it is that that paranoid mind of yours has you thinking.”

“Ya really want to know what I think?” he questioned.

“Obviously, that’s why I'm asking.”

“I think you’re cozying up to Malfoy, forgetting what it is you’re meant to be doing.” He paused. “In fact I think you know more than you let on. You’re protecting him aren’t you?”

“Are you being for real right now? Are you seriously complaining about the fact that I'm cozying up to him? Because the last time I checked, you’re the one that told me to be his friend. And now . . . now you have the nerve to throw that in my face? Now you’re telling me that you don’t trust me because I'm doing EXACTLY what you told me to? Unbelievable . . .” she stood up. “Know what? I'm through. I'm over not getting enough sleep and having my grades suffer. I was alright with making sacrifices, but if you’re not gonna trust me, then there’s no point in this.”

Ron couldn’t just sit by silently any longer. “Enough!” roared Ron, getting in the middle of the argument. “Bloody hell!” he shook his head at them. “You lot are on the same bloody side yet you’re having a go at each other like you were Death Eaters or something. If you lot keep goin on like this, ya won’t be needing Voldemort to finish ya. You’ll do that for him.”

“Ron!” cried Emilia and Harry in unison.

“He’s right,” spoke Hermione, feeling it necessary to join in.

“I am?” Ron couldn’t remember the last time Hermione told him that he was right about something.

“Yes, you are.” Hermione redirected her gaze to the two youths standing by the kitchen table in Hagrid’s hut. “And Harry, Emilia, you two need to stop this nonsense. You need her, Harry. And you know that she’s quite right about Malfoy not going off on speeches whenever he’s alone. That’d be like you talking about plans that you’ve made with Dumbledore and the Order, whenever you have a moment to yourself. And we all know you don’t do that. It would be incredibly dangerous to do so, reckless, even. So why would you expect him to? He might be a Slytherin, but he’s not daft, Harry. He’s loads of other things, but daft is not one of them. And you,” she turned to Emilia, “You need to calm down. You’re both stressed, we’re all feeling the pressure, but that’s no excuse to have a go at each other. His doubting your loyalty isn’t an excuse to throw expletives around! That’s not hot we’re meant to act. That’s not how this war’s going to be won. You both need to mindful of each other, respectful. That’s the way we have to be. If not, there’s no hope, because we’ll be just as bad as them.”

Neither Harry nor Emilia spoke. They were far too stubborn to make the first move. He wanted her to admit she’d overreacted, and she wanted him to admit that he was being an insufferable ass, but since neither wanted to make the first move, they just stood across from each other, waiting for the other person to say something.

“Unbelievable!” cried Hermione, disgusted by their behavior. “There’s a war raging all around us, and yet you two, the ones that can do the most good here at Hogwarts, are determined to be hardheaded buffoons.”

“I'm not a buffoon,” argued Emilia.

“Well your behavior says otherwise, as does Harry’s.” Hermione scolded. “What we’re in the midst of what – what you lot are involved in is bigger than yourselves. How you feel doesn’t matter. Horrible thing to say, I know, but it’s the truth. In the grand scope of things, your feelings aren’t important, what’s important is winning this war and making things right. So for the love of Merlin, stop acting like children, and get on with it.”

Emilia reluctantly dropped her hands from her chest. “Sorry for cursing at you.”

“Sorry for accusing you,” apologized Harry, holding out his hand for her to shake. “S’alright now?” he asked.

“It’s alright,” she replied. “So . . . should we get back to discussing things?”

Harry nodded.

“As I was saying, there’s been a rift growing between Draco and his goons. Well, it’s mostly between Draco and Crabbe. See the thing is, Draco has Crabbe and Goyle guarding the entrance to the Room of Requirement. Remember I told you about that? He has them take polyjuice potion so they look like other people, but it’s them. And Crabbe’s frustrated by the fact that Draco doesn’t tell him what the hell’s going on inside the room of requirement. He feels that if he’s risking getting into trouble that Draco should have the decency to tell him what all the fuss is about.”

“And what does Draco do? You mentioned he was tinkering with something.”

“Yeah, with a cabinet,” she replied. “He puts in a piece of fruit and then he utters an incantation to try to get it to transport, but the thing is . . . it hasn’t worked. I think the cabinets broken and he’s trying to fix it, but I gave a cabinet a thorough inspection yesterday and . . . well, let’s just say that he’s not going to be able to fix it on its own. It’s ancient, and it’s going to require someone that specializes in that sort of cabinet to make it work again. I’ve already written my grandpa about it. He had a brother that used to make specialized magical cabinets, so he might know something about it. Though who knows, I didn’t know how to describe it all that well so I just said that stuffs supposed to vanish.”

“That’s it!” cried Hermione, her face lighting up. “I know this might sound a bit simple, but cabinets such as those are known as vanishing cabinets. They come in pairs, you place them in different locations and they act as portals, to get an object from one place to another. We saw one – where did we see it? Borgin and Burkes! We saw it that day we followed Draco at Diagon Alley, before they covered the windows.”

“When you said it’s used to transport, do you mean it could potentially move people?” asked Harry.

“Yes, that’s actually what their primary purpose is. Well, that is to say, during the last war that was the primary purpose. They were used for safety, a person could pop inside if Death Eaters ever went round their home, and emerge in a safe location. But in order for that to happen the cabinet had to be large enough to situate an adult body. Is the cabinet that you saw large enough for a person to get into?” Hermione asked Emilia.

It was, but Snape had instructed Emilia to not let on that the cabinet was of true consequence. He had told her to say that Draco was attempting to fix it, but that there was no actual chance that he would manage to do so.

“No,” Emilia lied without hesitation. “It looks like there’s enough room for a two year old, but not enough to fit an adult. They’d have half their body sticking out and it just wouldn’t work.”

“You sure?” questioned Harry.

Ron, remembering a story the twins had told him, joined into the conversation, “Fred and George used the vanishing cabinet last year. Didn’t call it that, of course, I reckon they didn’t know what it was, but they said Montague lost his head when they shoved him into a cabinet, was stuck in there for awhile, because the magic was off.”

Harry chuckled, his face lighting up at the memory. “Yeah, I remember that. Montague was gone for a few days wasn’t it Malfoy that found him?”

“It was,” confirmed Ron. “Do ya reckon that’s how Malfoy knew about it? Maybe Montague let slip something and that ferret found out that way.”

“Bloody hell, that makes sense.” Harry scratched the base of his neck. “Because there’s no way Malfoy would’ve just known what that cabinet was. There are loads of things in the room of requirement, it’s impossible to know what’s what unless you already know what you’re rummaging for.” He looked over at Emilia. “Millie?”

“Yeah?” she replied.

“I was wondering if you might make sure Malfoy can’t get that cabinet working.”

“You want me to do some sabotage? Yeah, I can do that. I'm pretty good at fucking things up, shouldn’t be a problem.”

“Thank you.” Harry smiled.

“No problem, Harry. You know I'm down for whatever. This is important to me, but don’t you ever question my loyalty again. I won’t put up with that.” She stood up. “I think it’s time I head out. I want to stop by Hogsmeade to stock up on some stuff. Want to come, Ron?” she asked, smiling.

Ron had to keep himself from grinning to widely. “That’d be brilliant.” He stood up and slipped his jacket back on.

“Don’t you think Slytherins might talk if they see you wandering about together?” questioned Hermione, nonchalantly.

“Draco already knows I'm still friends with Ron.” Emilia slipped on her knitted beanie.

“And he’s fine with it?” asked Harry.

“Not really, but it’s not like can do anything to stop me from being friends with Ron. Plus, as long as I'm not friends with either of you, he’ll still like me.” She zipped up her parka. “Ready to go?” she asked Ron.

He nodded.

“See you around,” she bowed her head slightly to Harry and Hermione, and then followed Ron out the back door. “Ah shit. It snowed more while we were inside.”

“That really such a shocker?” asked Ron, offering his hand to help her get down the stairs. “Told ya it was meant to snow today.”

“I thought you were just messing with me.” She took his hand, and even though they were both wearing mittens, she felt herself warm at their contact. “You’re always saying it’s gonna snow because you know how much I hate the damn snow, but I guess you were being serious this time. Ugh. I hope it doesn’t snow while we’re at Hogsmeade. I’ll honestly apparate back and –”

“Can’t apparate on Hogwarts grounds,” reminded Ron.

“Then I’ll get a room at some inn.”

“Professors will go mental if they find out you spent the night at Hogsmeade.”

“Well since I can’t apparate and I can’t get a damn room, then you’ll just have to carry me back.”

“Bloody hell, I hope it stops raining then.” He joked.

She punched him in the shoulder. “Just for that, I hope there’s a blizzard.”

“Don’t need a bloody blizzard I’ll carry you right now.” And without warning, Ron swept her off her feet and carried her bridal style. “Better?”

“Put me down!” she laughed. “Oh Merlin!” she buried her face in the crook of his neck. “Put me down, you gingery oaf! People are gonna talk.”

“Let ‘em talk,” he declared, still carrying her.

She pulled away from his neck and stared up at him. “What if Draco hears about this?”

“Like I care what that ferret thinks,” he muttered.

“But I do! And you should!”

Ron stopped walking. “Why? You just said in there that he’s s’alright with you and me being mates. Why’s this any worse?”

“Because being what we are is so much more intimate and maybe he’ll think I’ll let something slip after we’re snogging or doing other couple stuff. My relationship with him is really fragile and I can’t risk –”

“You can’t risk being seen with some poor Gryffindor who wears hand me downs,” he interjected, simultaneously loosening his grip on her and letting her stand on her own. “That’s it? Isn’t it? Ya can be friends with me, but ya can’t be bloody seen with me.”

“That’s not it!” she cried. “Where did you even get that idea from? I don’t care about money. That doesn’t matter to me.”

“But it matters to him!” Ron pointed out.

“Of course it does! It’s been beaten into him since he was born that the only things that matter are blood, money, and power! But I'm not him! I don’t think those things are important. The only reason I'm asking you if we can keep this under wraps is because I have to be in his good grace in order to learn stuff for Harry.”

“And am I just supposed to wait? We’ve been together well over a month and most of the time you were in detention, and I’ve not been able to see you. That’s not right!”

“Don’t you think I know that? I fucking hate that I can’t walk around holding hands or snog you whenever I like! I love snogging. It’s my favorite thing to do! But I have to make sacrifices – we have to make sacrifices. And I'm not asking you to not be with me, I'm just asking you to not let people know.”

“Well that’s not good enough for me.”

“What?”

“Ya heard me. I thought by now we’d be able to be like them other blokes and birds, but no. We’ve rarely seen each other this last month and ya ended up falling asleep every damn time.”

“That’s because I was exhausted. It’s not because I don’t fancy you.” Her bottom lip began to tremble. “Look Ron, I know things haven’t been ideal, but just give me some more time. Vacations coming up and we’ll be able to be together. We’re going to Mexico, remember? On holiday?” she smiled, hoping that’d be enough to lift his mood. “It’ll just be us and we’ll get to snog and laugh and do whatever we want.”

“But then we’ll come back to Hogwarts, and I’ll hardly ever see ya. That’s shit.”

“I know it is.” Her voice cracked. “But I don’t know what else to do. I'm trying to do a bunch of things at once, and I'm trying to put everything I have into each part. I don’t mean to not be there, and I really don’t want to keep this hidden. But that’s what we have to do. At least for now, and I'm just asking you to be patient. I know how impatient you are, and I'm usually really impatient to, but we have to put the effort, Ron. Because what if I can get Draco to let slip something important?” she asked, softly. “What if I can figure out what it is he has to do?” She lifted her hand and touched his cheek, but he turned away. “Don’t be like this. Stop acting like a –”

“Like a what?”

“Like such a wanker!”

“You think I'm a wanker?” Ron grew offended.

“No, I don’t. I just think you’re acting like a wanker.”

“Only wankers act like wankers. So you’re calling me a wanker.”

“I'm not calling you a wanker!” she yelled. “I'm just saying that you’re acting like a wanker. And you are! I’ve apologized for the way things have been, and I'm asking you to please just be patient, because there’s so much crap that we have to deal with, but you refuse. You’re not even trying to understand me.”

“I understand that ya rather run around helping Harry than have a proper go at us.”

“It’s not that I'm running around helping Harry! I'm not doing this for him; I'm doing this for the cause! I thought you of all people would get that.”

“And I thought you wanted to do this.” He motioned between them. “But I reckon we were both wrong.”

Frustrated by his hardheadedness, she found herself screaming, “You know what? You are a wanker!”

“Aha! So you do think I'm a wanker! I knew it! That’s why you’re embarrassed of being seen with me, but don’t worry. Ya won’t have to worry about me being around anymore. Go ahead and cozy up to the ferret all you want!”

“You don’t mean that. You’re just being a stubborn ass!”

He truly was being a stubborn ass, but his hardheadedness wasn’t about to admit that he was just being insecure and stubborn. No. That wasn’t how Ron worked, so instead of stopping and trying to fix things, he kept walking, he marched all the way up to Gryffindor tower, leaving an incensed Emilia to try to figure out what the hell had just happened.