Trust is The Mother of Deceit
Tonight she's not alone
It was the night before Christmas Eve and I sat on the couch, watching TV with you. You gave me a back massage and I didn't think any of it. You stop and go, but then you begin lightly touching my skin, making me feel tickilish.
You go back to massaging me and change the channel. The whole time, as I text, I feel uncomfortable and pray you wouldn't do anymore; but then you do. You begin going under my shirt and go near the bottom of my bra. You lightly touch my stomach and I tense up, closing, or trying to close off, everything to you. You are my cousin's husband and you are doing these terrible things to me? What kind of man are you? I trusted you!
You then begin to touch my legs and get closer to me. If only she was there to see what you were doing to me. She would kick your ass out of the house.T
ears began to form in my eyes and I let one go. You didn't notice my fear. My fear of being sexually abused again. After 3 years, I thought I was going to be fine, but you obviously changed my mind when you began going into my shirt from my left sleeve and the collar.Your hand goes closer and closer to my breast. I begin to shake and feel the need to cry. Oh God, how I wanted to make you stop way before we even got to this point. My mouth wouldn't let me make a sound and speak out against this abuse. "Please stop" was going through my mind the whole time. It never came out of my mouth. I never spoke out, so why start now is what my mind was thinking. My stupid victimized mind. Besides, it didn't help when you massaged my neck that you could easily strangle me. Maybe if you knew about my past, you wouldn't have done it.
Your hand goes under my bra and you begin to sqeeze my breast. My eyes go wide, hoping that you would stop and shocked that you would do this to your wife's cousin. You've known me since I was a baby. Did you think about me this way too when I was just an innocent infant?
You stop, thank God, but you don't get out of my shirt. I'm shaking in fear, beginning to cry, praying that you won't do it again. Of course, it is never answered. You grope me again, and I feel like crying. I feel like telling my best friend what had just happened, but I can't because she's asleep.I tell you that I'm going to bed, thinking that that's my only escape before you grope me again or worse, rape me. I leave you on the couch while I quickly throw my pillow and blanket on the large couch before grabbing my gym shorts and quickly walk to the bathroom. You ask me where I'm sleeping and I reply saying "The couch."
I quickly walk into the bathroom, locking the door and sit on the lenolium floor, balling my eyes out and shaking as I am now while confessing your crimes against me. I have lost all of my trust in you. I will never again be alone with you.
You go back to massaging me and change the channel. The whole time, as I text, I feel uncomfortable and pray you wouldn't do anymore; but then you do. You begin going under my shirt and go near the bottom of my bra. You lightly touch my stomach and I tense up, closing, or trying to close off, everything to you. You are my cousin's husband and you are doing these terrible things to me? What kind of man are you? I trusted you!
You then begin to touch my legs and get closer to me. If only she was there to see what you were doing to me. She would kick your ass out of the house.T
ears began to form in my eyes and I let one go. You didn't notice my fear. My fear of being sexually abused again. After 3 years, I thought I was going to be fine, but you obviously changed my mind when you began going into my shirt from my left sleeve and the collar.Your hand goes closer and closer to my breast. I begin to shake and feel the need to cry. Oh God, how I wanted to make you stop way before we even got to this point. My mouth wouldn't let me make a sound and speak out against this abuse. "Please stop" was going through my mind the whole time. It never came out of my mouth. I never spoke out, so why start now is what my mind was thinking. My stupid victimized mind. Besides, it didn't help when you massaged my neck that you could easily strangle me. Maybe if you knew about my past, you wouldn't have done it.
Your hand goes under my bra and you begin to sqeeze my breast. My eyes go wide, hoping that you would stop and shocked that you would do this to your wife's cousin. You've known me since I was a baby. Did you think about me this way too when I was just an innocent infant?
You stop, thank God, but you don't get out of my shirt. I'm shaking in fear, beginning to cry, praying that you won't do it again. Of course, it is never answered. You grope me again, and I feel like crying. I feel like telling my best friend what had just happened, but I can't because she's asleep.I tell you that I'm going to bed, thinking that that's my only escape before you grope me again or worse, rape me. I leave you on the couch while I quickly throw my pillow and blanket on the large couch before grabbing my gym shorts and quickly walk to the bathroom. You ask me where I'm sleeping and I reply saying "The couch."
I quickly walk into the bathroom, locking the door and sit on the lenolium floor, balling my eyes out and shaking as I am now while confessing your crimes against me. I have lost all of my trust in you. I will never again be alone with you.
♠ ♠ ♠
I wrote this the exact night it happened. I don't mean to be an attention whore or anything, but it was my only way of getting it out and letting the pain go. That was 12 days ago, and sadly I still haven't gotten over it. You don't have to comment or anything, nor did you have to read it. It was just something I wanted to put out there.