You Just Do

I heard Evgeni trying to say something to stop me from kissing him, but his lips felt so amazing against my own. His hands holding onto my hips, while my hands were fisted in his hair. I couldn’t help but grind down into him, just feeling so close and wonderful.

All that mattered in that moment was that he was holding me and I loved it. His strong hands holding onto me, keeping me safe. The best part? Because of his leg he couldn’t escape my attack.

Hearing him moan just made me feel all the hotter in the cramped SUV. I wanted to ravish his body here and there. In a way it scared me more than anything, because I’ve never felt so forward with anyone before. Never before have I wanted someone as bad as I wanted Evgeni now.

In that moment though, the car door was ripped open and I felt someone grab the back of my shirt. I was pulled out of the car and looked up to see none other than Max stand there, glaring down at me. Never before had I seen him so mad before. He looked furious.

I shuddered and felt a deep red rush up my neck and onto my cheeks.

“What the hell Oli? I leave for a moment and you rape my friend?!” he shouted, throwing his hands in the air.

I looked up at my brother, biting down on my lip nervously. Then I looked at my hands, “I wasn’t raping him. I kissed him...” I whispered.

“He is straight, why would you do that! I’m so sorry Evgeni for him just pouncing on you. You must feel so awkward...” Max said the last part to his friend.

I looked up at Evgeni, hope in my eyes, wanting him to say something, to defend me and say that he liked it, that he liked what I was doing! I wanted him to just say something, but he didn’t. He just let me stand there, completely shocked and embarrassed.

“I can’t believe you would do such a thing. This was a low blow, even for you. How many guys have you fucked anyways?” Max hissed at me.

My eyes grew wide and looked up at him. I felt tears build up in the corners of my eyes. I blew it. The one person who I’ve always wanted to impress and to acknowledge me, the most important person in my life, hated me now.

I frowned and looked down, playing with the hem of my shirt, before walking to the back of the car and getting in, not bother to answer my brother’s rhetorical question.

I couldn’t help but feel slightly hurt though, that Evgeni didn’t stand up for me or help me in any sort of way. I mean here I was, showing him I liked him, sure we get caught, but he didn’t even say that it was no big deal... he didn’t say a single word to try and lessen the anger that was directed towards me.

I kicked the back of his seat, like a little kid, a sign that I was clearly not happy with him right now.

I could feel the awkwardness in the air, the tension was so thick I could cut it with a knife. How you would cut tension though is still beyond me, but it is a often used phrase and decided to use it, because it fit the situation perfectly.

Max didn’t spare me one single glance, didn’t talk to me or even acknowledge my existence. He just drove to the physical therapist where the two of us would have to wait for Evgeni to get be done with his weird exercises.

We got to the large building in downtown, the three of us getting out of the car. No one had said a word at all and I could see the ‘I’m so sorry’ look Evgeni sent my way, but I ignored him, just as he had ignored me before.

I was blushing, the red permanently etched onto my face and I had a horrible headache from holding back tears. I always felt sick when I tried not to cry, which was why I usually let them fall. I hated holding them in, because my head felt like mush afterwards.

We went into the elevator, Evgeni hobbling slowly with his crutches, while Max and I walked normally. I held my head high, pretending that what my brother had said before didn’t hurt me. All my life I’ve had to deal with people saying things like that. You couldn’t imagine how many times I’ve been called a whore, even though I was far from it, but hearing something so similar from my brothers mouth was the worst feeling I’ve yet to feel.

We got to the office of the therapist and I could already see how good looking the receptionist was. She was young in her mid 20’s, black sleek hair, a form fitting blouse and one of those ‘professional’ skirts. She wore black rimmed glasses, way different from my ugly old school, too big glasses.

I felt small beside her. Her long legs and perfectly curvy body, compared to my skinny, short frame...

I looked over at Max and saw him drool over her already. Now I knew why he volunteered to take Evgeni to physical therapy.

I sat down in one of the chairs, a feeling of envy washing over me. That woman... what did she have that I didn’t? Why could guys just fall all over her and like her and watch as she walked... why couldn’t I have that affect on people?

I huffed and crossed my arms over my chest, watching her touch Evgeni’s arm and lead him into the back room where he would be doing his exercises.

I grit my teeth together in annoyance at her. She hadn’t done a single thing, yet that small gesture of her touching his arm made my blood boil. I wanted him, I wanted him to be mine, and I thought he would be, but he could never show it...

Johnathan had warned me about this, and I told him I could handle it, but I just realized I was way in over my head with this whole situation. This was crazy...

I glared over at the hot girl, I might be gay, but I could still tell what straight guys found good looking, who had come back from the room, without Evgeni, but a dominant smile on her face. She better not have touched him in any way, because he was my man.

Of course Max walked over to her and started flirting his ass off.

I just continued to wallow in a great amount of self loathing, glaring over at her every now and then, hoping to shoot daggers in her and my brothers direction.

He implied I was a whore eh? Well look at yourself asshole. Look at you being all that and getting the hot girl, just so you can have a one night stand. Fuck you big brother, you are an asshole... you’re the whore not me, because I’m saving my virginity for someone I love not Marie-Lou Lussier, the school’s whore, like you did.

In my rant I didn’t notice how my breathing became laboured once again. I ignored the shortness of breath, all I could focus on was how my brother was the biggest hypocrite on the face of this earth. I couldn’t stand him and I wanted to go home.

I couldn’t show the person I liked that I liked him. I couldn’t do anything here. I couldn’t party. Fuck you Miley Cyrus, there is no party in the USA. I want a part in the CA-NA-DA! You’re music is shit as well!

I was just hating on the world that day wasn’t I?

Finally, the whole hour and a half was over and we could leave again. Max and Evgeni were talking about something, that I wasn’t bothering to listen to. I just walked behind them, hands shoved in my pocket, glaring at everything in my way. If I was in a cartoon, I would’ve had a huge cloud over my head with rain and lighting pouring down on me.

We got into the elevator and stood in the far corner. I could feel my hands and legs shaking, my breathing getting worse and worse. I was literally wheezing now. I looked up over at Max, a cough rippling through my chest.

I’d had a bad asthma attack during gym again, so I thought I was okay for the rest of the day and hadn’t brought my inhaler, stupid I know...

But I could feel the airways being cut off again, oxygen entering my body less and less. I gasped for air, trying to get more air into my lungs, before I collapsed onto the ground with a cry of my brothers’ name.

I felt the elevator doors open and someone stand beside me.

Then I passed out.