Spinning Insanity

I thought I was fine after it happened but I think something went off in my brain last night.

My cat; Stanley, he died in my arms. I watched him take his last breath.

It wouldn't have made me like this before.

I wouldn't be this depressed if everything else wasn't falling down around me.

I thought I was starting to slowly crawl back to getting my life on track.

Sure my life is Not together but I thought I was finally catching up with school.

I was starting to think about trying.

Now I'm back to I don't care anymore

I can fel myself breaking down.

Slowly I'm getting worse...more depressed.

I won't kill myself.

I'm running away to london when I turn 18. Thats 3 years away.

I don't know if I can wait that long.

I realized I really don't want to go to college.

I want to do something that involves music, horses, and therapy.

I have an idea of what it could be and I don't need to go to college for it.

I might actually not have a clue of what I really want to do.

I want to be in a band.
I'm learning bass.
I already know piano.

Music saved me countless times.

I want to repay it somehow.

My Chemical Romance is forever in my debt

they are the ones I turn to to save myself.

The worst part of it all though is that My family judges.

I hate it.

They want me to turn out perfect like the rest of them