Spinning Insanity

So that last chapter was supposed to be what this one is about but I got distracted...

Anyways.....

Siblings; I got 2.

Well they're half siblings but still.

My sister is 9 years and 7 months older than me and my brother is 7 years and 3 months older than me.

I have never gotten in a fight with my sister (that I can remember).

My brother on the other hand...

We fought a lot.

Mostly just "he took this" "she hit me" type of thing.

But what hurts the most is that he was never affectionate

He never hugged me or told me he loved me.

He was never the brother you fought with but still was overprotective

He was just...more like a room mate that fought with me a lot.

He is kind of a partier now and I'm pretty sure he is a man whore.

He's better with the whole hug thing though.

In the past 4 years I've seen him maybe 3 times.

I went a whole 2 years with put seeing him once

When I did see his again it was 4th of July and he was waiting at the battle of the bands for our mutual friends band to come on.

He was with his (sluty) girlfriend.

He hugged me and we said goodbye.

The next time was my 14th birthday party at my aunts house.

He came with his new (much nicer) girlfriend.

But only stayed for an hour.

I saw him at my sisters wedding last may and I'm seeing him at my cousins wedding next saturday.

Now my sister.

Well we got along great.

I love her lots and stuff but...

She's extremely religious, which I don't mind but...

She tries to shove it down my throat.

I've learned to deal with it until my 14th birthday party.

My brother who never comes to anything came yet my sister who never misses anything did not.

It was because it landed on a thursday which was her church group day.

She helps run it but they wouldn't be lost without her.

She chose her church instead of me.

I hadn't seen her since Christmas and it has always been hard to hang out with her since she was in college.

Birthdays and holidays were my only way to see her.

If it was my brother it wouldnt have hurt so much, it was expected of him now.

But it really really hurt when it was her.

She's missed a lot of things since then because of church.

She's missed every family birthday party at my aunts.

She only comes for half the time at holidays.

She never visits.

She's turning into my brother except with church and not party's.

I'm going to see her Saturday too.

And my brother in law.

He's nice. A little strange but nice.

The only other thing I dislike about my siblings is that they always did great on school.

Whenever I got a C I would get compared to them.

"No one in our family has ever gotten a C! Not even your cousins!"

That hurts so fucking much!

I don't think she has any idea how much that hurts.

I called her out on it onc and she denied that she was comparing me.

But she was.... She was and it hurt.

All anyone ever does is tell me what I should do and what I should be doing.

Do they ever ask what I want to do.

I want to make a difference with music.

I might want to be a therapist but we'll see.

But my dream lies in music.

If I go for my dreams and they say they never expected it or that isn't what I originally wanted.

I'm gonna show them my K through 5th grade papers.

You know those papers where you filled put things about yourself

Favorite color, animal, and what you wanted to be.

Mine was always the same

Blue

Horse

Singer, Artist or Vet.

I always put those 3 carees down.

I could never decide between them.

I may have love animals but I was always singing or hanging out in the basement with my dads band.

I begged my brother to show me simple guitar chords.

Since I could write sentences ive had a book of lyrics.

I've always loved art and would paint and color and draw on whatever I could get.

I was in all the choirs all the art programs and band.

I was in piano and I've been asking for Bass lessons.

I wanted to be a vet but I quickly realized that If I was ever In a situation where an animal had to be put down I would cry.

In that career thing last year I only put down vet so they wouldn't freak out.

I minored in music but you didn't look at that part.

They think I'm obsessed?

Yeah maybe I am but everyones obsessed with what they're passionate about.

If they weren't it wouldn't be considered a passion.

My moms obsessed with animals

My dads obsessed with stupid movies, music, and photography.

Music IS my life.

I know a lot of people say that but I actually mean it.

I couldn't live without it.

I want to hear it and make it

All the time every hour every day and give my heart to it because I know it will never break it.

Music will only strengthen my heart till it's numb with lust filled love notes.