Spinning Insanity

I would never hang myself

It's too risky that someone could burst in and save you

Also it takes too long if you don't break your neck

A student from my school hung himself on Saturday

Someone found him and his heart was still beating

But his brain had been without oxygen for too long

He died on Sunday at 1:30

No one knows why he did it

Everyone wore black today

The library was open for people to just get away

I sat in there and cried

I feel horrible that I used him as an excuse to go there

But I was crying for a lot of reasons

For Kellys daughter Sara

For Dallas

For his family

For myself

For everyone whose ever thought of suicide as an option

I had a chance to get help but I didn't

The therapists there had business cards

But I don't want help right now

It would just make everything worse

If I could get help without my family knowing then I would

If I got help and they knew they would never look at me the same

They would do the same thing they do with everything else I do

It would just be another thing I did wrong

I think my mom knows about the cuts and the depression

She keeps dropping weird hints

"oh yeah she loves longsleeves and sweatshirts, I don't know what she's gonnna do in Florida."

And She keeps bringing Sara up (she was a friend who comitted suicide)

If she knows she should just tell me